Monday's Missives

Facebook Fail O Rama

• My last cars front bumper cover was pierced by a pickups slant cut exhaust tip when it backed into the car in a Wal Mart parking lot.
• Yes, in a random act of parking lot violence my car was stabbed by another.
• Proof we've lost it and are on the downhill slide- Sarah Jessica Parker is not only widely regarded as beautiful she is seen as an authority on beauty tips. I don't want to sound mean- at all, but we're so conditioned to believing what we're meant to believe we can't see straight up ugly when it's in living color in front of our eyes?
• My son volunteered at a church he does not attend to help with VBS when he found out there wasn't enough help.
• He's awesome that way.
• When I was a kid we went to every VBS we could in the summer it didn't matter where- a church bus or church lady would show up and away we went.
• I stabbed another boy in the arm with a pencil at one and my mom took my money I'd been saving for a certain toy truck to give his mom for the doctor bill. I honestly don't remember anything about the incident, but I remember that truck- it was a yellow and red logging truck that had real wooden dowels in the trailer for logs.

Friday's Dispatch

• We tried spinach pizza yesterday- nasty. Kids, pizza is not health food.
• I keep getting letter order mixed up in words I spell.  I hope it is a coincidence and/or a bad habit and not a symptom of an age related brain change.
• Dyslexics Untie!
• On a more serious, associated note: I have always felt a little anxious if the sun goes down and I'm not home or if I leave the home and it is darker out than I thought it would be. That makes me think and wonder/worry If I'll develop sundowners later in life.
• I just awoke (09/17/2013 at 0300) from a dream where the catch phrase everybody understood that I did not was, An  inch only counts when you're a dog and bumpin' it! while bending their middle fingers and bumping them together on the flat part of the second bone.
• It has always perplexed me why documentaries or news programs rely on an American Indian person to relate the history of say, the plains Indians during the Indian Wars of the 1800s.  I don't have an ax to grind about it- it just seems odd. What could they discern from reading a history that others cannot? It just seems there is a forced connection there that does not exist. Here is an article that reminded  me of this subject although loosely associated: Why Do Writers Pretend To Be Indians?

  

  When will the first world nightmare ever end?

Wednesday's Digressions

• Watching The Road makes me want to read the book. I hardly ever read fiction. Holy smokes Viggo Mortenson looks bad in the movie- scary bad.
• Interestingly, imagining El Paso 50 to 100 years in the future during a visit there was Cormac McCarthy's inspiration for the movie.
• I think in some movies characters who are going to get killed off early are played by sort of big name or at least recognizable actors so it will be a surprise when they get whacked.
• After the Ohio kidnapper killed himself in jail I saw headlines that seemed to indicate his death would be one more injustice to his victims and make life even harder as he would no longer be alive to be punished. That doesn't jive with the way most humans brain's work- he is dead so they can literally go on now and heal where they may not have been able to before.
• I love to build campfires and set in front of them and just watch and think. In my opinion it should be a skill everybody teaches their children and among the first if they spend a lot of time outdoors.
• True facts about the land snail

• 

Monday's Missives

Fury set for release in 2014 is eagerly anticipated by Kevins everywhere.

• Recently while reading one of those, Stars We Lost In 2013 things I noticed a woman named Gia Allemand had died of, "an apparent suicide attempt".  That seems odd- if there is doubt it was a suicide just say apparent suicide. She is dead and it looks like she killed herself so it wasn't an attempt.
• Her name reminded me of Square Dance lessons I took as a boy at the pavilion in Bridgeport with my parents as Allemande is a Square Dancing move.  Everybody assumes when I mention those lessons I must have hated it. Nothing could be further from the truth- I actually loved it. There were girls, music, food- what wasn't to love? Well, except for the peach colored leisure suit I had to squeeze into every time...
• An associated thought, There was a girl there I was always talking to and dancing with. The old folks would always look at us and grin. Anyway, 15 or 20 years later in the misspent days of my young adulthood I met a guy who was directing me to a concert or car show maybe? When I realized where he meant I said, Oh, I know where you mean, the pavilion- I took square dance lessons there as a kid. and realizing he was from Chico I said, You know there was a girl from Chico always there named _____________  ______________  you know her? By coincidence he went to school with her and told me to the effect that she talked about me all the time back then and to prove it recounted a couple of things he could have only heard from her. What a small world it is and it still surprises me the impressions we make on each other without trying or even being aware of it.

  

  Google Street View pic somewhere in Mexico

• I heard Rush Limbaugh the other day mocking Michelle Obama for encouraging Americans to increase our water intake to promote good health. My first thoughts: She is absolutely right. There are few things we could do to improve our health and well being than to drink more water and less soda. If I were searching for a political home and listened to him with an open mind my first thought would be, That is all they got?! Making fun of the First Lady for doing her part to help in a very simple, productive way? He would have been much better served to give her that one and move on- he would have looked more rational and reasonable and less hateful.

  

  President Obama's people figured out early on to take advantage of the more lame controversies by owning them, having a sense of humor about them and using them to  their own advantage. Here is a  Photoshopped pic of him released by his staff to deflect controversy after after he lied about shoot skeet at Camp David, all the time. 

• America had better decide what is going to do with white supremacist/separatists who are buying up the Northern Midwest and building communities. This is especially true once the trend takes on a life of its own and those areas grow exponentially when they look more attractive to the average person- not just the haters. This will be true as the crime rates in those areas will be nearly nil and their economies will boom. I am not saying the separatists are right- I am saying they will have the means to move there in the first place so they will have a vested interest in keeping what they have and inevitably, will have a more socially/politically conservative bent which is of course sustainable for the long term. Those places will start to look attractive for any productive white person.
  

Saturday's Situation

• I woke up this morning reasonably refreshed and not hurting too bad. I cannot recall the last time that happened- no kids, no FG waking me up, no responsibilities. It is nice.
• We watched Oblivion last night. Verdict: Not awful. It had it's moments but was pretty predictable. Within 15 minutes I correctly laid out how the story would develop and predicted the end basically frame by frame.
• Something has changed with Tom Cruise. He had a make out scene with a woman and didn't look totally gay. I know nothing about the guy but he has: left that religion, received some counseling, did some soul searching- something to figure out who he is.

  

  Sultry cat is sultry.

  
  
  
  
  

  

  Zac's chin- after and before pics. PSA: Don't run around the pool kids! Your parents really aren't only interested in hearing their teeth bump together when they say that over and over to you.

  
  

  

  Wassup? I mean uh, Mooooo.

• OMG- an attic turbine has gone out on my place and it is screaming like a banshee. Those things are supposed to last 25+ years.
• My desk is getting cleared off to set up my desk top aquarium. I just have to figure out a storage system for forms I had kept in an overburdened tray. It is going to be cool. The aquarium and my white noise machine- I will be good to go- calm and cool as cucumber if you will.
• We are being crushed at work- people have quit, new nurses have come on so they aren't ready to stand up and we're as busy as ever. It will be a miracle if I don't develop an ulcer and don't be surprised if I have a heart attack.
• Zac's mom called me referencing Zac's chin. She  reported she was on her way with him to Cooks. The conversation went something like this Do you think he needs stitches? Yes, it sounds like it. I replied or if you want you can bring him by here I can put him back together with butterflies if the laceration is below his chin as I understand and not on his face but it sounds like stitches would be better. Why Cooks? Why not Urgent Care? That is what they are for. I said. Well, I thought about that but it is so small and closed up in there and he will be right around everybody and I don't want him to be scared and have a bad experience. Also, they're business oriented and maybe that would be too impersonal she replied. If you take him to Cooks kids will be there that are literally dying and nobody will be speaking English. Kids will be screaming and crying. It will stink. You'll be waiting for 4 hours so half dead kids can be seen first that their stupid parents should have taken to a doctor during business hours hours or days ago. The doc who stitches him up will have just watched a kid die after it coded in the parking lot. Because the Urgent Care clinic is business oriented they have an interest in making you happy and treating you well. If you call ahead they'll hold a spot for you. Dr. _____________ was an ER doc before and the other doc is a pediatrician. It is quiet, clean and nice and there is a play area. Miranda is the MA there and she is a sweety. The front desk people are OK. You might be there 30 minutes and I mean maybe. Oh, I didn't think about it that way. I'll give them a call  and let you know she replied.
• Women are from Mars and men are from Venus I suppose but more than anything that engagement proves to me an old adage, The more you over think an otherwise simple problem, the more likely you are to reach the wrong conclusion.
• It isn't that old of adage- I made it up but feel free to use it.

Thursday's Thoughts

/

Felix Baumgartners record setting parachute jump still inspires. I will never forget how he shot down- like he had been fired by a cannon when he took that leap into space.

Cave art from Tennessee.

• I have always wanted to leave a human arm bone in a significant others private space. Then when she finds it and brings it out and says, Kevin what is this?! I would reply, Oh, I thought you might find that humerus.
• So called big business wouldn't feel so threatened by a minimum wage increase if more of them had just been more fair with employee wages through the years- and not given wage advocates just cause on a silver platter. I personally can not comprehend the responsibility of running a multi billion dollar company with tens of thousand of employees but even less comprehensible is the CEOs of those companies making multi million dollars per year while employees make 7, 8 or 9 bucks an hour. Some things you do because it is just right, other things you don't do because it is plain wrong.
• One of my favorite boyhood books was Flowers For Algernon. I can't tell you what it meant to me, in that I don't recall any deep personal meaning- I think I may have just liked the story although of course I was sympathetic to Charlie. I read it and Slaughterhouse Five multiple times and in fact I would sometimes restart S5 as soon as I finished it.
• The White House admits 16-24% of anti government fighters in Syria are Jihadist bad-guys. Based on the fact: everybody involved would have an interest in having the actual number believed to be lower than it is, the government will lie to get what it wants, people will lie to get what they want and there is no way to know the truth anyway, the actual number must literally be at least twice what is reported.
• The theory now is send obscene amounts of money and things to hurt people with to the rebels we think are are A OK good guys to prevent the bad guys from being ascendant. In a way, I don't even know where to start with that but lest just start with the fact that isn't how it ever works- why would it now? So the good guys win- then what? First of all know the bad guys were all up in the good guys from the start- to the highest levels calling the shots. Yes, if we strike Syria Al Aqaeda will be calling in US airstrikes (not the first time). Then, when its over the AQ guys will give the good guy rebels a dirty look and 25% will pee their pants and run home sucking their thumbs. Then, the AQ guys will cut the heads off the next 25% and kill their families, their friends and everybody that listens to Lady Gaga. Then, the remaining 50%  so called good guys will  swear allegiance to AQ on a Koran after they've gotten some sweet government position to start shaking people down to finance AQ and making laws Al Qaeda approves.
• The above was intended to be a slightly humorous tongue in cheek goof. In my opinion there wouldn't be a nickels worth of difference in how it would actually play out on the ground if we get more involved in Syria- so it kinda fell flat.
• The guy who plays Skinny Pete on Breaking Bad lived for a while in Fort Worth and in fact performed at Hip Pocket Theater.
• A smart person would invest in Indian motorcycles.
• I  (think we're going to the zoo today (09/14/2013).
• Relationship pro tip: Want to impress your female significant other? When a pop love song comes on substitute baby (or whatever term is used) in the song for your lady's name and sing along and riff making it more personalized to your relationship.  Not exactly Frank Sinatra when it comes to crooning? No problem- even better. She will appreciate the effort and the fact you put yourself out there even more.

Wednesday's Digressions

Just some of treasures awaiting you at the Wise County Historical Society Museum in Decatur Texas




• I hate the thought, but I'm going to have to increase my food intake if I want to keep making gains- I'm staying ravenous in spite of increasing my intake by half again as much and taking supplements morning, bed time and after workouts. It's a kinda good sign though- my body is using everything I put into it. Another month and several of my shirts won't fit. Thought about some before and after pictures, but that seems a little gay. 
• Maybe I'll post an after pic here.
• Update: the above is from an old draft- I tore my rotator cuff and haven't worked out in months.
• My last hospice case was so intense that although I got home 4 hours early since he expired on my shift, I felt wasted- like I'd done a double.
• Update: this is a reaaaal old draft. I haven't done hospice for 2 years.
• After a wreck on my way back to Texas when I was in college I went to a friends house to stay the night although he wasn't there. I was whacked on Benadryl since I had a reaction to a contrast medium they used on me in the hospital. While I was dozing off his father who was on the couch with me tried to grope me. I left and ran my car off the road 30 minutes later then, somehow found a rest area and slept for 10 hours.
• Being molested takes it out of you I suppose.

Monday's Missives

Wassup!? You got somethin' you want to say?

Old picnic area on Goose Island at Mineral Wells State Park Lake.

• Caraziest thing that's crossed my mind since I don't know when? After my patient left this mortal coil before my shift was over the other night it put me driving home in the middle of the night. Out of nowhere and without provocation it popped into my mind: You know what would be terrific right now- I mean awesome? A dip of Copenhagen! Doesn't that sound tumultuous?
• I don't know the last time I had any of the stuff.
• It was all could do to keep from pulling into a convenience store.
• I mean I fantasized about the stuff.
• Something you'll have to learn to accept if you're going to be around women: they always look for deeper meaning in everything- from the music you listen to, to the random sighs you make and they always and I mean always come to the wrong conclusion(s).
• Last night I dreamed about travelling to a foreign land, a foreign land where militants held sway. I was in uniform but not an actual soldier. A group of us were captured with a bunch of tourists. At one point we were marched into a mosque. I looked up and realized only the Muslims were in there- besides me of course. I sneaked out. A big, mean looking female terrorist came out and started beating a small child assuming he was the offender. I didn't say a word to intervene. It also involved zombies and dinosaurs. 
• That was my dreamscape for the night of 07182013- how was yours?
• Nope.......I may not agree with his sexual orientation but, he was a solider and deserves exactly what every other hero gets. Whos peter hes puffin' shoudnt make a difference. A comment regarding Alan Turing.
• Take it away Fly's with Got You Where I Want You featuring a pre Cruise kook-fest Katie Holmes.

Friday's Dispatch

Baby bear I saw the first morning in Big Bend. Or is it? Maybe its a baby Bigfoot monster.

What you're supposed to do if a bear approaches your camp: wave your hands in the air like you just don't care while levitating over a campfire.

The Ghost resting near the banks of the Rio Grande. We put 1200 miles on her during the trip.

Cool music boxes I brought back for my nursing buddies.

This bad boy grew while I was gone on vacation.

• I impulsively looked up my old division on Youtube this morning. I found a tribute video to a deployment to Baghdad. I saw a couple of faces I thought I recognized, but it was taken a few years after I got out. I was actually about to click off of it when one of my best friends from the war popped up in a picture with someone I didn't know. He is pointing at the guy and smiling with the goofiest look on his face- just the way I remember him. My mind wandered to the last time I saw him during another deployment. There are casualties lined up on a berm, our hands are covered in blood, I can still hear both of us breathing, it's about a billion degrees- he says, What do we do we do Kev...?
• I wished my former spouse happy Mother's Day this morning. She sent me pics of my son dressed for prom with his girlfriend. His girlfriends are always super sweet girls who happen to be pretty, smart and short.
• Daybreakers is a pretty good vampire movie overall that definitely has its moments.
• The above is from a very old draft... as in May 2011 old.
• Static X continues to be one of my favorite bands- that I hardly ever listen to.
• Cans of Diet Coke will float but regular Coke sinks.
• My friend is wanting to get into roller derby. She is little, but feisty and has hair down to her heiny and is covered in tattoos. We worked on her name and persona. Maybe I'll get free tickets.
• Here is the song I'm listening to right now- Stone Sour Hesitate. 
• I have been listening to KORN more lately- their not so well known stuff that never gets played on the radio.
• How did I miss this? George Bernard Shaw commissioned a new alphabet in his will. It is called the Shavian or Shaw Alphabet.

The Internets is made of tubes and wires...

and powered by cats

Wednesday's Digressions

• I have always loved the Wise County Messenger paper. When I was in Germany my mom sent me a subscription. I fairly often received the copy addressed to a soldier also from Decatur in a different unit who I was in the same scout troop with as a boy. The interpretation is someone at the main USAEUR post office recognized the paper as belonging to a guy in 3/11 Armored Cavalry Regiment and sent it to our region where someone remembered a guy in Bad Hersfeld getting the same paper where it went to my squadron where someone knew to send it down to my unit- correct? It seems impossible, but sometimes I'd get it with my name and address and others I'd get it with his name and unit address. I want to bump into him someday and see if he had the same experience and recall.
• One of my best friends in that unit was a black guy named James Brown (not making that up). He ran the mail room and would read my paper and comment on there not being any black people pictured and tease me about him being the first black person I ever saw without making trips to the deep south on vacation to lynch folks. I told him about knowing lots of black kids growing up and playing football and basketball with them, but yes- we did have to cross the tracks to see each other. When he would find pictures of a black person in my paper I would later get it with the pictures of those people circled in red.

  

  I never forget a face but in your case I'm willing to make an exception

• Citizen Cope- Let The Drummer Kick
• Children if left to their own devices are solar and water powered. It's not even summer yet and I can't keep Zac out of the pool.
• Zac and are going to build a rocket this year. I bought several kits on clearance a couple of years ago. Chloe and I spent hours building one of them up just right with her choice of colors. I taught her about space travel and aeronautics etc. On its first flight on cue at it's apogee the orange chute popped open and we watched it drift away- never to be seen again.
• I just read Bradley Manning was sentenced to 35 years with the possibility of parole. My first thought: Well, he butt raped his life but at least he may not die in prison. That is good- good for him. He has a chance at a life. I was then reminded he spent some time in a Marine brig. What were they thinking of doing that to him? That guaranteed petty mistreatment and made criminal abuse very highly likely.
• One of FG's pictures just won a photo contest. She will say she learned from the best (me) but man, she left me behind talent wise a long time ago.

  

  Something is wrong with this guy- I mean something is not right with him.

Ways To Be Cool- A PSA

Some Thoughts On The Fairer Sex

• Although I can't prove it and I'm sure they'd deny it- I think women kind of dig being around a guy they're pretty sure killed people in war time.
• And in that vein, I never confirm or deny- I think in general women like a guy with a little mystery/darkness in their background.
• Last text message I received: Good morning sweety. I just passed mile 9 on my way to 30! ttyl.
• She's a competitive cyclist and is training for the Hotter Than Hell 100.
• What she said: "You are awesome, just amazing. I mean it- you not only knew how to fix my sprinkler system, you did it. You are the most calm, compassionate and level headed person I've ever met. You are kind, sweet, smart and funny. I'm glad I met you."
• I was so flattered, so humbled in fact I could not even think of something smart Alec to say in reply.
• Besides our parents our interaction with the opposite sex defines us like nothing else- in ways we'd probably not even care to admit.
• I could fully see my life being weaved throughout the lives of many women throughout, from this point on and dying without ever remarrying and be OK with that, but also projecting myself forward- that might be an empty existence.



• Ha, just kidding.

Classic War Pron

The 240B a great- great medium machinegun. If anyone goes on about the old M60 machinegun being better they are trying to sound like a seasoned old timer and are full of it. I've fired tens of thousands of rounds through the M60- thousands of them competitively. I was one of the best in my division with it in multiple years of matches and I'm telling you- the M240B makes it look sick. Highly accurate, reliable and versatile. I loved and trusted that gun like few other pieces of equipment I operated in the Army.




• Inside a firefight- the battle for Objective Curley near Baghdad 2003 with 3ID. How bad was that fight you ask? Take note of the wounded soldier firing his weapon- from a stretcher.
• Yes, other objectives were named Larry and Moe.
• Need any more reasons to love America?
• M240 firing at a truck from an M1 tank.
• Absolutely crazy footage from an M1 Abrams tank in Fallujah.
• 3ID guys in Haifa street battle.
• War pron.

Craigslist Goodness

24' Wellcraft cabin cruizer. I have owned it for over a yeer. raised the kids on it. Has a toilet and a bed. Left it out in the Texas sun for to long and it has a litle heat damage. Just needs a little TLC. A weekend protect. Has real nice stainless steal rales. As you can see it comes with trader. Spare tire in good shape. Also for sales is my 2000 Suburban. Make me an offer on the hole pakage and you will be adrift on the water in no time

Call JJ at 9 7 2 oh my gawd

No money orders or food stamps please

• Location: Dallas

Monday's Missives

One of the so called Boston Bombers. Funny. It made me laugh. An odd thing though- some of the wounds were distressing enough to censor? There is a dead, shot up, bruised, blown up, rigor mortised corpse representing a total waste of a life and a couple of holes or lacerations are the most troubling aspect of the pic?

• "We thought a person had fallen through the ceiling because the roof panel was cut in half," Auld said. "When they've hit the floor, they've vomited and then staggered and fallen over. That's what we thought anyway." Associated Press
• This was from a story about a 19 ft. python that broke into a store in Australia and caused some mischief- and then vomited.  Anyway, another reminder- the world doesn't work the way we think it does. If the aforementioned python had slithered away before the cops arrived and a homeless person was found asleep in the alley behind the store he would still be in jail.
• Barry mentioned the Onion-esqe but real news report from the Asiana Airlines plane crash. I heard part of the rebroadcast- at 80 mph with my windows down and sunroof open without knowing the context and still got it- how could those reporters who saw it in print not? The first thing I picked up on was her saying, Phuc . Here was my process, Isn't Asiana a South Korean airline? What are the odds a Vietnamese would crew that aircraft? That ain't happening. And anyway- four pilots? Wait, what!? Sum Ting Wong? Are they kidding!?
• Friend-girls cat is all over me- like a cheap suit. He is helpting typee thhjkks as I write.
• My buddy at work gave me a Trek mountain bike. It needs some work. I'll put before and after pics up. Holy cow- it is light! When I brought drug it home FG said, Oh Kevin, its in pieces! Don't worry dudette, my dad is a TV repairman. He's got an awesome set of tools!
• I've been listening to some late 80s and early 90s country lately. I had forgotten how good that stuff was- is? Here have some Mark Chesnutt  or if you prefer some Kentucky Headhunters with Walk Softly On This Heart Of Mine.
• When an old girlfriend left she ended up with a member of a band you see as an associated act to the Headhunters.
• Thankfully, there is more talk about how dangerous testosterone treatment can be for men. It has long been known it will increase risk for cancer but now there is a study showing increased incidence of heart attacks in men who use it. It is touted for guys who have erectile dysfunction-  it can't work for that. People don't want to hear it but lose some weight, control your blood pressure, diabetes and/or depression and the rest will take care of itself.
• One of the saddest aspects of President Obama getting his rear end handed to him over the Syria strike issue is we won't be taken seriously when it is really time to get it on- as in when Iran's nuke weapons are getting ready to come on line. Also as long as he is in office we will always have to actually strike people to get their attention- we have no credibility in the military bluff area.
• A bit over the top but here is what a person named Celeste said about Mineral Wells State Park in the comments section of a site for reviews of camping and hiking locations, "Lake Mineral Wells... you cleanse my soul. I love your mountain biking trail with the friendly deer. I am sorry we crushed the tarantula spider with the car but his time had come. I enjoyed swimming and feeling sand between my toes at your beach. I enjoyed hiking past the old fort we have now dubbed "Area 52". We also loved petting the horses of the friendly middle aged cowgirls who were so friendly and nice. Someday I will return to push a canoe from your teeming shore. I'd also like to take a guided hike too".

Saturday's Situation

Sports team logos seem terrible a idea for tattoos

I was thinking something about the two woman in the foreground and wanted to capture that moment. I didn't see the ham in the background at all.

I cannot comprehend why a westerner would want an Asian type script writing tattoo but they dig it. Here, a guy proudly displays the tattoo artist's grocery list.

• 
  
• Tomorrow is the last soccer game of the season for Zac. I'm relieved and bummed.
• If posts seem untimely or out of order the date and normally time it was written will usually be at the bottom in the tags box.
• Tools of the Devil: corn, English peas and guacamole'.
• Keith Geeding referenced a video segment on Haitians eating dirt pies while the world obsessed over the royal wedding. There must be a term for agreeing on a point while disagreeing with the premise. Our priorities are flawed everywhere we turn, but no amount of concern is going to turn Haiti around and if it's a money issue- there have have been dump trucks full of cash donated to that country over the past 100 years.
• The ghost shrimps keep laying eggs, but I never see little ones.
• The above are some old bullets- April 2011 old.
• I like seeing posts like the above but wonder why I didn't do anything with them.
• Few things will be as disruptive as Google Glass but the issue has barely been addressed or debated it appears.
• Soon 3D printers, chemistry and software will come together to form recreational drugs we can't even dream of now- as soon as one substance is banned another will come out- and in some cases be distributed online.
• Allow me to take a break from my budding career as a futurist and listen to some Kasabian- Days Are Forgotten.
• There, that is a little better.
• We're going to Turner Falls today. We will scout for sites if we don't camp- overnight low is nearly 80 tonight.
• Earlier FG heard me come out of my room and sleepily said, Kevin, are you OK?
• I think I may be.