Saturday, October 3, 2015

Tales From Hospital AKA When Will The Nightmare End?

  • I slept on a Murphy bed for the first time last night. They have always intrigued me for some reason.
  • We're watching a show about the Medieval Age on the History Channel.
  • Can you imagine hospitals without cable television?
  • Old South Pancake House sounds real good. Their German pancakes are a thing of beauty. Try them with ham or a pork chop.
  • Beauty.
  • They are showing the presenter of the show herding geese in an orchard. My dad herded turkeys when he was a little boy. He only had a third grade education.
  • Catheter just came out. I don't think I have ever had one.
  • Morphine just went in.
  • Black scrubs have a good professional look without being too hospital-ie.

Friday, October 2, 2015

Stories From The Hospital- A Question

Hospitals seem designed to be confusing to navigate- why? I can't make sense of that. I get why you would want a shopping mall to be difficult to leave and why it would be designed to make you go past every store (somehow) to get to the one you want but why would  a hospital want to be exasperating to navigate?

Stories From From The Waiting Room The Saga Continues

  • The surgeon looks like an older Moby.
  • Overheard from the seats next to me, I remember when burgers was three for a dollar!
  • Mmmmmm burgers...
  • That show Gangland is still on. The interest other than maybe a passing one in that show baffles me. 
  • A burger sounds really, really good.
  • We have been moved up to a room. It is on a postpartum floor. They say is because post op census is low.
  • I say, What am I not being told?
  • Room is very nice. The floor is a wood type product and the cabinets are a warm honey colored laminate. Interestingly, instead of the old neck breaker recliner/sleeper there is a Murphy bed.
  • It is very homey, homie.

More Stories From The Waiting Room

    • I have been getting weird grins and winks from passers by. It took a while but it finally registered- I am watching a hot pink Victoria's Secret bag and the elderly lady next to me is knitting a blue and pink blanket as we sit dangerously close to a labor and delivery waiting room. Good grief- they think I'm waiting on a baby.
    • If true... crap, I have nothing clever to say. I got nothin'. Man, if I were having a baby I would be nearly 70 by the time he started college. 
    • If I lived that long.
    • The guy sitting 11 inches away from me is waiting to go in and see his brand new twin boys.
    • Boy they have one blended family.
    • He is happy and seems really nice.
    • The husband of the lady next to me is named Adam. She has twins and doesn't want anymore children. Also, Seth was humongous and had a lot of dark hair.
    • My back hurts.
    •  There is a show about gangs on Spike. It is heinous.
    • A mob of people just screamed out and clapped when their person here for a baby delivered.
    • It is a girl evidentally.
    • Good luck little one and welcome to the world. I'm sorry we screwed it up so hard for you.

Hospital Waiting Room Story

  • I try not to be too critical of other healthcare workers but talking way too loud on a cel phone about your dumb personal business as you walk through a hospital is at best as dumb and annoying as it is anywhere and probably a little unprofessional.
  • A thing here is for women to wear top to bottom black and have their hair dyed black.
  • An excerpt from a next blog foray: "In summation, Jesse was at Grahams cottage. Jesse died, but thanks to scientific research, Jesse was ressurected, and transformed into a moist tortilla. Jesse was then transformed into Hitler (somehow), while Graham flushed the remnants of the tortilla away.  Graham was then plowing the wall, while Zack starting feeding Jesse tortillas aggresively. Meanwhile, Bethany was staring suspiciously into Riley's basement. Meanwhile, Denholm was stomping Blakes kittens, to apologize for killing Riley. Bethany hopped down out of Riley's cellar, and witnessed the feline stomping, and was mortified..."
  • There is a Starbucks up in here. It is expensive. I assume no more so others but wouldn't really know as I haven't bought anything from one since the total for 2 coffees 10-15 years ago made me simultaneously have a stroke and myocardial infarction. 
  • Their coffee is bitter- what is the appeal? People do like knowing that other know they go there so there is that I suppose.
  • A guy just changed the television to a football station. There are 3 people on there talking about football. Retarded.
  • They made sure to have a white guy, a black guy and a black lady. Ridiculous.
  • I could watch those NFL Films products from the 1960s on a loop.
  • Hospital waiting room furniture is scientifically designed to be uncomfortable. Look it up- it is on the internets under, The Science.
  • A pregnant crackhead just staggered by.
  • Just came out juts up there first.