Monday, December 28, 2015

It Is That Time Of Year Once Again

where everybody loses their ever lovin' minds and forgets how to drive.

Friday, December 18, 2015

A Monstrous Question

Vampire or werewolf?

I'd be a werewolf in a minute before a vampire. Werewolves are exquisitely brutal, powerful, and although they are more or less victims of circumstance during the full moon they have some limited conrol over their turn. They aren't hardly human- they are humans that turn into nearly pure monsters.

Thursday, December 17, 2015

A Dog Sits Waiting

A Dog Sits Waiting

A dog sits waiting in the cold autumn sun.

Too faithful to leave, too frightened to run.

He's been here for days now with nothing to do But sit by the road, waiting for you.

He can't understand why you left him that day.

He thought you and he were stopping to play.

He's sure you'll come back, and that's why he stays.

How long will he suffer?

How many more days?

His legs have grown weak, his throat's parched and dry.

He's sick now from hunger and falls, with a sigh.

He lays down his head and closes his eyes, I wish you could see how a waiting dogs dies

By: Kathy Flood thanks MZ for reminding me.

Last Email I Received (And Weirdest One In A While In General)

Good morning! Did you take my pumpkin with you when you left last night?

Stories From The Front: Continuing Education

Recently I had to undergo some web based reeducation and indoctrination at work. To accomplish the training the Ivory Tower types used an outside company which provided the platform to conduct the training and track results while the content was created and uploaded from our location.

Dutifully I began my computerized flagellation late in the afternoon.

The module was 47 minutes long and was narrated by a lady with one of the most pleasant voices ever- it was too pleasant. Her words began to blend together in one long, sweet sounding but droning chant. As the time approached the 40 minute mark another nurse wandered up to my office. Hey ya'll Kevin is zoned out! Did you see him?

It sounded like she was speaking from the end of a tunnel or I was at the bottom of a well. Everything in my periphery was black. I was answering the random questions that popped up on my screen and didn't miss a single one but she was right- I wasn't there. I tried to speak up for myself but couldn't. I tried to scream but couldn't. I was paralyzed by boredom. My God- have I had a stroke? My higher brain asked while raspy grunting noises came from my throat.

I finally came to and after completing the test associated with the program staggered out of my office still not sure I hadn't had a stroke.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Conversations In The Mighty F150

Zac- Dad, can we get a parrot?
Me- Oh, I don't know man. Zac- that is a big deal. A big responsibility and they're expensive.
Like how much?
I think around a thousand dollars at least.
Oh, are they hard to take care of?
Well, I am sure it takes some work but they're a big responsibility for one thing because they live so long.
How long?
80 or 100 years.
If we got one would you help me take care of it dad?
It would live a lot longer than me bubba.
How much longer will you live?
I don't know- maybe 30 more years. was my reply.
After a few minutes FG chimed in with, What!? I'll only be 58! 
Me- Your mastery of  math is impressive.
She- You will only live to be 79?
If I'm lucky- somewhere in that neighborhood anyway. I have the genetics to live into my eighties so yeah- something like that I suppose.
Huh... Hmmm. she replied thoughtfully.
What will you do then? I asked.
Start over again I suppose. was her poetic and simple response.

Ravages Of Plastic Surgery

simply do not understand plastic surgery on people who are not damaged from genetic defects, accidents etc. This is Jenna Jameson a formerly very beautiful porn star and by beautiful I don't mean beautiful for a porn star she was simply beautiful (the pic on the left is kind of a bad pic actually). I do not understand- surgeons who do this to people should be ashamed.

Monday, December 14, 2015

You Know You Are Getting Old

when breakfast is an energy drink and 2 aspirin.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

In The Time

of chimpanzees I was a monkey. Butane in my veins and I'm out to cut the junkie.  Listen to your favorite and mine- Beck and watch this cool video for Loser. You'll see Jesco White dancing on a picnic table. The video was produced for 14,300 bucks.

Thursday, December 3, 2015