Monday, January 31, 2011

Monday's Missives

  • Bulls On Parade- a great video for my fave RATM song.

  • My nephew just came in and commented on my monitor and speakers- "Wow, that's better than my TV!"

  • Dig.

  • Even cooler: I annoy my teenager sometimes he and comes and asks me to turn it down or closes the door.

  • My bank likes for you to swipe an ATM card even for inside business with a teller and tap in the money you want to withdraw. I'll bet 20 times they've asked me for mine, look at me like I'm obviously mistaken when I say I have never had one, verify my info. and sweetly say they'll order me one and I should have it within 3-7 business days.
  • The next visit the cycle starts over.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Monday's Missives

Friday, January 21, 2011

Friday's Dispatch

I love this pic: the caption on Wikipedia says, "An M1 Abrams fires into a former house.." Former- Yes, I guess at the point of that trigger squeeze. The article states at the end of the M1's run it will have served 50 years. I'll bet it's more like 70. The M1 is much maligned by people who don't know any better, but is an unbelievably good system.

  • It's ridiculous, but for some reason I'm dreading my case tonight and am afraid it's going to be bad.

  • They did not even give me a hint like, they've had trouble keeping it staffed or the patient has multiple issues or there are complex family dynamics..

  • I knew 6 or 7 residents of my apartments at the resident appreciation event. I didn't realize that's kind of unusual until I heard so many say they don't know anyone in other apartments. How could that be? It seems you would be forced to interact with a certain number enough you would get to to know a few well.

  • Had a very decent steak at Yesterday's in Decatur this morning. I think they call it the Beach Boys- it was a 13 oz sirloin with grilled scrimps.
  • A recent patients daughter stole my awesome Casio when I took it off to bathe her father who lie dying 4 feet away. People never cease to amaze me.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Monday's Missives

Rita Hayworth- hubba hubba.

  • Guru- another word henceforth and forthwith banned from use in the English lanuage.

  • When I bought my laptop there was a long wait to get an air card and of the first two places I tried to use Wi Fi one was secured and on the other my own security was asking for a password I didn't have so I haven't touched it in over a month.

  • Yes, I paid just nearly 600 bucks for something to sit on my nightstand to use for my hearing aids and glasses so they don't get lost or messed up while off my pretty head.

  • Robin Williams is pushing to be in the next Batman. Batman is my favorite hero.

  • Well, next to Batmanuel from The Tick. Nestor Carbonell the actor who played Batmanuel also plays the mayor in Dark Knight

  • People from other tables were impressed with Zac eating hot sauce and chips in the Mexican Restaurant.

  • They were shocked to to see him pick the bowl up and start drinking it straight.

  • Word on the street has it the lady who smashed me was involved in another accident two weeks prior to wrecking me.

  • I was hurt toward the end of our tour so I stayed at Fort Hood doing rehab and everybody else demobilised and went their separate ways. I got a heads up about our homecoming parade, but nearly missed it and was standing on the street spectating when my platoon sergeant, former gunner and driver drove by in some new pickup provided by a local dealer. They saw me and stopped the parade and hollered for me to come get in the vehicle. As I hobbled across the street people figured out what was going on and started clapping and cheering. It was among the lowest points in my life and I don't know why. I guess it was proof my guys would go on without me and there would be no more wars and in fact no more playing Army for Kev?

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Culture Class Evidence

Probably incredibly desirable in their culture but, strangely they do nothing for me.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Monday's Missives

  • What a business I'm in- Angel Of Mercy Angel Of Death. I drug my pretty face out of bed to get directions to my patient for tonight. The phone rang as I was pulling them off the printer,"Kevin, your patient for tonight just expired..." Good grief- didn't even meet her and I killed her.
  • I know a lesbian couple who are both proud of being each others wives and have been together for years. They are the ones that you think of when someone is assaulted, insulted or killed for that life.

  • A single mom has asked me to work in her sons new baseball glove after not really understanding how with my instructions. I have mixed feelings about that for some reason. PS- It's done now and I don't feel weird about it anymore.

  • Drink holders in BMW's are the Debil.

  • Man, I still absolutley love this song- Pearl Jam at Austin City Limits- Just Breathe.

  • There is a distinct correlation between a persons lack of sophistication and intelligence and how loud they speak on a cell phone in public and how obnoxious their ring tone is.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Saturday's Summary

Title of this masterpiece I found by accident is, No Val Kilmer Nooooooo. Don't ask me.

  • Queenadreena- always a class act with Wolverines.

  • When in reference to a relationship someone is in they say,"It's- complicated." my eyes instantly glaze over and I feel tired- all over.

  • I don't do well when my children are off doing something and I can't interact with them anytime I want.

  • The Night Sounds and Spider Walk programs at Mineral Wells State Park are really pretty cool, but the Cowboy Poetry nights are fantastic- what simple fun.

  • My friend squealed like a little girl and nearly fainted when he opened the bathroom door once and my children's Great Dane charged out of the darkness to greet him saying, Woof!.

  • I would never tease him about that- mercilessly.

  • Pete Steele the singer for Type O Negative died last year. They did the best cover of Cinnamon Girl I've ever heard.

  • Mariah Carey is being sued by a vet for 30,000 dollars related to a a bill for a month long stay by her 3 dogs. Yes, it's related to non payment, but still- it's crazy that a bill like that could be amassed with a straight face at all in the first place.
  • Have a great day and weekend. Love someone- in spite of themselves.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Crazy Craigslist Post

RE: Old People Smell
Date: 2006-06-29, 5:47PM PDT
Being a certified old guy, I'm compelled to agree. In my younger days, I also thought old people had a peculiar odor as well; something like a combination of mothballs, fried bacon, a Catholic church, talcum powder, and the dust underneath the couch. Not entirely unpleasant, yet enough so that one tends to avoid their grandparent's homes and cars. I turned 50 years old in January, and this is what happened to me: I went to bed the night before my birthday, smelling like I always have. A typical slightly musky, male, non-disagreable scent. Upon awakening, I immediately noticed the peculiar odor mentioned above. It can't be me, I thought. It must be my OLF (old lady friend), as she had hit 50 some years earlier and had indeed developed this scent. Being the polite gentleman I am, I had never mentioned this to her. You young people today know nothing of the wrath of a menopausal woman. They are not beyond biting railroad spikes in half given sufficient cause to do so, and mentioning anything they may disagree with will produce this reaction. But I digress. Since she was gone procuring crocheting supplies, I had no alternative but to conclude the smell was emanating from me. My dog entered the room, as he does each morning, and took a sniff of my hand. He retreated as if I had opened a bottle of ammonia under his nose, yelping and whining all the way to his cushion, where he stayed for the remainder of the day. He did come back in later and urinated on my pillow, but again, I digress. I decided before I did anything else, to take a hot shower, thinking the smell was an after effect of our annual foray into the sex life we once had. (You kids may not be aware, but the vagina of an elderly woman smells exactly like your grandmother's closet). About as dry and roomy, as well. Again, I digress. After the shower, the smell seemed to grow stronger. Yes, it definitely was coming from me. So I start to get dressed, and what a surprise lay in store for me! Some time in the night, someone or something had exchanged all my standard white t-shirts for the strap variety, what you kids these days call "wife-beaters." What I used to call "old-man chonies." Well, its all that was there, so I put them on. I opened the closet and was shocked at what awaited me there. Everything inside was made of polyester. The shirts were all golf-shirts, and the trousers were all plaid. Where the Hell are my blue jeans, I wondered? Not to be found. So again, I donned the plaids. To my surprise, the pair I selected came about 3 inches above my ankles, and would only stay up if they were 3 inches below my nipples. Doesn't look so bad, I thought. Especially after I put on my white socks and sandals, it looked rather dapper. I returned to the bathroom to finish preparing for the day. It was then I noticed most of my hair had fallen off in the night. By most I mean most in the middle of my head. Fortunately, all the hair on the left side of my head was now shoulder length, so I was able to style it in the comb-over I had envied all my life. But a secondary problem arose. I now had a massive growth of steel wool textured hair sprouting from each nostril and both ears. These, I left as they were, pretending they wern't really there. I walked down to the senior center, walking really slow with sort of a shuffle. First, I yelled at the children who may or may not have been about to play on my lawn. This had never concerned me prior to that day, but it suddenly became the most important thing in my life at that moment. Once I arrived, I got a newspaper and sat in a chair and dozed off. During my nap, I farted many times, I was told later. Of course, I denied those allegations. I have a patented method of passing gas I refer to as the diguise-o-fart. While farting, I loudly clear my throat. Timing is everything with this method of releasing flatulance. At the senior center, I found I now had a desperate need to play checkers and argue about everything. Eventually I got in a fist fight with another senior, and the staff spent 20 minutes picking up the loose change on the floor. I've since obtained a little purse I squeeze which opens and I can deposit my dimes and nickels in which prevents that loss of change. I hope this explains to the young folks something. I'm not sure what, but something. Its time for my nap again, then over to Denny's for the scrumptious back-page menu. Bedtime is 7:30, so I need to get going.
this is in or around The Rest Home
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