Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Crackhead Comment

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Today an epidemiologist brought a contact in for testing. She is a crackhead prostitute ( the contact I mean- not the epidemiologist). The epi. said, Will you test her and do a symptoms check on her? Sure I said anything for you. That is why you are so awesome! she replied. She then introduced me by my first name and title to the patient.

That is where things got weird.

Me: She said your name is _________________ right? Is that what you prefer?
Crackhead: I can be anything you want me to be Kev.
Me: OK then.
She: Are you any good at this?
Me: Yeah, probably one of the best here but Ill take a look and if I can't do it- I'll go get the best.
She: I trust you Kev. I need you know before we do this; I have Hep C.
Me OK. Thanks for telling me. Knowing she would probably have super hard to palpate veins I popped the tip of one glove finger off.
She: Hey now! That sounds like fun! Was her response to the sound of the glove tip popping off. Oh that is good. That is soooo good! You are good! She said as the needle entered her vein.
She: K I'm leaving. Be thinking about me. Pray for me. She said after I finished drawing her blood.
Me: I will. Take care of yourself.

Interesting, not only did she lay it out all out with her very first words and try to get me to think of her in that way- she imposed some familiarity by abbreviating my name. That is something she could have guessed would please my ears and that there would be sweet connotations to it for me.

That is pretty smart.

My first thought as she dropped the dumb, overt sex hints while also telling me she had Hep C was- I assure you lady- the only way I would get any kind of blood and body fluid precaution disease from you is a dirty needle stick.

My first thought when she said, Be thinking about me. was, Yeah that is about all Im gonna do for the rest of the day- is go around thinking about you.

I have prayed for her though.

Monday, August 29, 2016

Monday's Missives

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  • I have no idea- literally none who RG3 is and only this morning (08/16/2016) while listening to THE TICKET became pretty sure he is a quarterback.
  • Snoop Dogg's, Nuthin But a G Thang is playing in a loop in my brain.
  • People will still be watching the Pirates of the Caribean movies 50-100 years from now.
  • "So just chill 'til da next episode..."
  • I told you that song was stuck in my head.
  • Hezbollah has weaponized drones.
  • Something that sounds urban legendesque but an old friend will swear is true: After their vehicle was disabled during an ambush in a mostly open area in Iraq- he took cover under the vehicle to return fire as everybody else had the corners of the truck away from  the enemy fire taken. When he and the other 2 guys under the truck started shooting it rang his bell severely- as one might expect. He could not take it- he said, Every time a weapon discharged it was like getting hit in the head with a hammer. So I said F_ _ _ _ this and took off running and shooting and made my way to a small berm 30 to 40 meters away and started engaging the enemy who were behind a larger berm about 100- to 150 meters away. Consequently, he was a awarded a Bronze Star with a V Device (valorous achievement). My friends platoon leader (who was in the truck behind my friends)  came to him and told him what he was getting and why. My buddy tried to explain what happened to the lieutenant but the lieutenant did not want to hear it- as in he literally said, I don't want to hear it specialist.  My friend went on to explain, After everything settled down and we had a cantonment area for the battalion set up, they had an awards ceremony for me to get my Bronze Star and other guys to get -Purple Hearts! I. Felt .Like. A. Total. Jackass
  • Still probably my favorite album. Can you dig it?

Thursday, August 25, 2016

As I have Mentioned Before I Work With Multiple People For Whom English Is Not Their First Language. Among These People, One Is The Leg Breaker Assigned To Collecting Monthly Coffee Money. What Follows Is Our Correspondence The Last Time I Was In Arears

Queridos señora ____________ os escribo esto para decirte que no tengo mi dinero de café en este momento, pero lo haré pronto. Ya ve usted que soy un pobre campesino de un pequeño rancho en Michoacán. Mi vaca que no da leche más. Mis hijos siempre están hambrientos y mi esposa me late. Apreciaré su entender mi situación.

Below is the translation.

Dear Mrs. ____________ I am writing this to tell you I do not have my coffee money right now but will soon. You see, I am a poor farmer from a small ranch in Michoacan. My cow she doesn't give milk anymore. My children are always hungry and my wife beats me. I will appreciate your understanding my predicament.

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Even though the first day of fall is nearly a month away and it is 90 degrees as write I this; there is a chill in the breeze.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

The Story Of A Hairy Cookie Or As My Work Buddy Said: Gag. Me. With. A. Spoon.

  • This is one of a co-workers famous TGIF cookies.
  • In this case the T stands for terrible.  G stands for, gag. The I for ignominious. The F for foul. And finally the R is for repulsive.
  • Oh, there is no R? Oh, I'm sorry. Imagine my embarrassment. Well, work with me and imagine the saying is, TGIF-R because I really need to work, repulsive in there somehow.
  • I took a bite then simultaneously feeling the hair on my tongue and lip- spit it out. It all then hung together as you see here.
  • The room started spinning and I felt a cold sweat. My stomach began churning and felt like it was on fire.
  • I mean, God- it isn't even your color hair!
  • Why not wear a hair net or at least a bandana? Weren't you afraid you would get cookies in the hair?!
  • I have heard of hair pie before but hair- cookie?! That doesn't even have a ring to it.
  • 100,000- the average number of hairs on a human head. 99,999 the number on the head of my co-worker.
  • The load carrying capacity of a strand of human hair is 100 grams according to the Google. Yep, that would be about right.
  • Me: Garcon! Waiter: Yes sir, may I help you? Me: I'll say! There is a cookie in my hair!
  • The average person loses 100 hairs a day; at least we know where one of hers ended up.
  • I've got more- but you get the idea.

Monday, August 22, 2016

Monday's Missives

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  • Yesterday, GF picked my children up from daycare. It is OK- but there is a sentence I never thought I would have to say (well except for another time I think I mentioned it here- but you know what I mean).
  • Life happens is what I am sayin'.
  • A recent visitor to the clinic took it a bit personal when I questioned who he was and why he was there and then denied him access to the Inner Sanctum. He should grow some thicker skin, as that was a very good example of something in life to not take personally and be butt-hurt by.
  • A couple of days ago I accidentally bought organic oranges at Albertson's. The middles are all rotten.
  • A guy in traffic this morning (06/15/2016) was driving a turdbomb of a Toyota that had ARCHIBALD in bold stick-on letters on the side. I presume it is the name of the car.
  • Although I don't really see color or fat verses skinny or discrimate based on religion etc. but when it comes to women if you force me to make distinctions I like: black skinned South Asians (i.e. Bengalis), medium toned other Asians, tanned whites and really white skinned hispanics.
  • Don't ask me why- I didn't make me- I just report the facts here.
  • For a bonus: a slightly chubby, really cute Asian would also attract me out of bounds to what the same lady would if she were skinnier (although I am not a chubby chaser).
  • Some time ago ex wife mentioned something about a hard or bad day and/or some frustration etc. she was enduring and then she vented a bit. Coincidentally on the same day, GF was sick so I took her some medicine and babied her a bit. The next morning intending to check up on GF I accidentally emailed ex wife and said, "Hey girl, are you better?" To which ex wife responded, "Yes! Thanks for asking. It was just a really bad day! Thanks for listening to me vent."
  • Life happens is what I'm sayin'.

Monday's Missives

  • This past weekend (today is 02/01/2016) we spent the weekend in Abilene. As we were driving we saw that the area we intended to camp in had a wildfire sweeping through it. We stayed in a hotel. Broke my heart.
  • We explored the park the next day though. My kids put out a couple of hot spots with water from a nearby creek.
  • I peed on one hot spot as the kids ran ahead of me.
  • We saw a lot of owl pellets.
  • Abilene State Park was built by Company 1823 of the CCC.
  • We went to Buffalo Gap. The cat that lives in the visitor's center for the historic village is a black bob tailed beast named Jack. He is cool.
  • Lunch on Sunday was at Mary's in Strawn. They call their chicken fried steak, World Famous! I call it adequate. One I ate there was kind of nasty. The other two were adequate so I guess the two out of three average rule applies. Their fries are really good though. Zac had the hugest bowl of chili I have ever seen in my life. Honestly- it was ridiculously big. Did they mean for an 8 year old boy to eat it or the entire table to soak in it?!
  • There used to be a bar on Jacksboro Hwy called Mary's Mistake.
  • Here is probably my favorite (at least at the moment) Smashing Pumpkin's song.
  • The last email I received: "Morning!
    I have a scary movie for us from the pulga!"
  • Don't ask me.
  • I guess I'll figure it out tonight.
  • Women I have known are usually very poor amateur checkers players but always seem to take to chess well and learn rapidly.
  • I'll keep my sarcasm to myself on the preceding observation.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Wednesday's Digressions

  • It would have been truly shocking if there were more than one person involved in the Dallas police officer murders.
  • As of this time 1803 on 07/08/2016 there is no one in this world I can call a true and trusted friend. There is an aquaintence I suppose I could hang out with but I do not trust her motives and besides- she can be nerve wracking.
  • A woman who is too brash or one who is  too much of a wallflower would get on my nerves in equal measure.
  • There is a deer flie harassing me as I write this from the deck. I don't recall ever seeing one in town.
  • The Peach Fest is this weekend. I do not go to the festival nor do I curse the extra traffic it causes. That makes me an oddity in this town.
  • I was an early follower of The Daily Woo.

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Just A Brief Rant

  • When a person from the Middle East (or a Western convert to Islam) who has Jihadi rhetoric posted to their Facebook, are known for being provocative in their interpersonal relationships in regards to being Muslim, they have recently travelled to troubled regions, they're loners who are even estranged from their own families who while shooting and/or blowing people up shout Allahu Akbar! we are mystified as to the reason why they're killing folks. When some maniac shoots somebody within a mile of an abortion clinic; it is ultimately the work of militant evangelical Christians abetted by Republican politicians, the NRA and gun manufacturers.
  • The preceding would be comical if it wasn't so true and that is sickening on multiple levels. If nothing else it is another example of how terribly we process and act on information and how willfully gullible and oblivious Western people can be.
  • A postscript to the first point: we could argue about the how and whys- the details but not the truth of that observation (even though it is intentionally over the top).

Monday, August 15, 2016

Notes From Teh Road

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  • We have taken a road trip and are in Ardmore at Motel 6. It was recently remodelled but already looks beaten. It gets rode hard and put up wet I am sure. We got here before 6 PM and were lucky to get a smoking room. They gave me a discount on it though. I am rarely asked if I want smoking verses non- it is most often presumed I will be cancer and gingivitis free.
  • We saw a lot of cows in stock tanks just soaking in the water and not moving a muscle. That sight and the sound of cicadas always mean hot to me.
  • We saw the aftermath of a horrible wreck driving through Decatur. Rex Hoskins was on the scene and it made me think everything was under control.
  • Nope- no sarcasm there.
  • Jorges in Paradise is always good. Zac ate enchiladas from the grown up menu.
  • We are eating caramel Bugels, drinking Gatorade and watching animal docs on Discovery Channel.
  • Life is good.
  • My neighbor back in Texas has been out of pocket for days. When I knocked on her door her dog did not bark and her plants are dying so I presume she is not there (or not there and dead, unless her canine companion died at the same time).
  • The Motel 6  pool is full of people. We followed the old motto of, Just say no to hepatitis and came back inside. Zac can swim tomorrow- in a lake where all he has to contend with are flesh eating bacteria, poisonous snakes and that one odd, out of place alligator you always read about.
  • Hepatitis up there came out as hepatits first.
  • Ha!
  • It doesn't matter the time of day; it is usually bumper to bumper on 35 heading north during weekends these days.
  • Zac is listening to his own type of music on over ear headphones on the bed across from me. He grew up. How did that happen?!
  • It is 07/23/2016 at 1855 hours.
  • We had breakfast 07/24/2016 at Prairie Kitchen in Ardmore as is typically our wont. They could make their coffee a little stronger but otherwise- the food and service are always in equal measure very good. There are almost always people we have seen there on previous visits. It has been open since 1984.
  • There was a gentleman there with a big scar and deficit to his left cheek. He would use his left hand to osetensibly absentmindedly twirl his mustache on that side but he was just trying to conceal the scar. This was so true when had to turn away from one person he was speaking to look at another exposing the side with the scar even more- he would just open his left hand and place it over his cheek covering the whole left side of his face.
  • Chickasaw Recreation area was our next stop. The spring fed swimming holes were so cold we could not hardly stand it. As a matter of fact, with ground temps away from the water at 96 degrees and rising, when we got under the shade and near a falls area where the water was contacting a lot of air; it must have dropped the temp. 15 degrees. It was positively refreshing.
  • We saw no crayfish and aside from a couple of minnows we saw no vertebrate life forms in the water.
  • I saw a guy covered in Mexican prison tattoos.
  • It would have interesting to have been a fly on the wall and see how Native Americans used the land that comprises Chickasaw Recreation Area and interacted with each other back in the day.
  • There were a lot of mixed race people there.
  • The thought occurred to me of bringing a sample back from the spring source and one from further downstream and having the lab at our county health department test them.
  • Zac wants to go back with his diving mask to be able to determine how deep the water is at the swimming hole we mainly used.
  • Good idea.
  • For some reason this song and video kept coming into my mind when I was lost in my thoughts.
  • Goodnight world wherever you are. 
  • I love you in spite of yourself.

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Saturday's Soliloquy

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US Navy uniforms are blue because... ocean?
  • The movie Elysium doesn't get much love but so far- so good.
  • This morning I saw an ex girlfriend.  She was walking ahead of me and turned a corner as I rounded one behind her. I don't think she saw me. 
  • Two ships passing in the night  morning.
  • A friendly aquaintance had to go to rehab and has been gone for 2 or 3 weeks. I hope for the best but fear the worst as she probably doesn't have the intestinal fortitude to drive on and face down her demons nor does she have a very good support system.
  • When somebody says, It is isn't about the money- it is the principle of the issue! I know they are either straight up lying or deluded about the way the world works. 
  • It is always about the money.
  • PS: I know the USN's blueberry uniforms are (or will be soon) a thing of the past. That doesn't stop the thought with that pic from being funny.
  • I am leaving Zac at home for short periods of time and having him go into stores by himself to get things for us- although I do not have to do either. Some things you just do because you should. Even if you cannot exactly elucidate why- some things are important.
  • This morning (08/07/2016) I saw a bumper sticker for Triple Cross Cowboy Church which made me (and most anybody else) at first glance think of something that is one degree worse than a double cross. 
  • Yes, I know what they meant. I am a vile reprobate- not a total heathen.
  • Odd fact about me: Except for KZEW The Zoo and Q102 Texas Best Rock! window stickers I have never put a sticker on one of my vehicles.
  • Another: I have a small stack of original Q102 window stickers. They are at least 30 years old and cool. You can be cool too- if you have a hundred bucks.

Friday, August 12, 2016

Friday's Dispatch

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  • This morning (today is 06/17/2016) I read an article about a woman who tested positive for meth- while in a hospital to deliver her baby. The crux of the story was that the test was erroneous although the take home should be how terribly you will be treated by society if members of it feel you have a moral failing in your fiber. She was treated like a monster by nurses.
  • A nurse if no other person, doesn't get to choose how she treats or really even how she- views other people.
  • PS- the prevalence of false positives for drugs (especially meth) in drug tests is one of the worst kept secrets in the medical and law enforcement fields.
  • At a clinic where I worked 3 back to back patients had identical vital signs. After I took note of that, I repeated the second and third persons to make my sure my equipment (and me) were not stuck on stupid. That time, all the numbers came back in line with the first signs collected but had the slight variations one would expect and as the first sets were already signed off on- I left them. The odds are wildy against 3 people having the exact same numbers from respirations to temp to pulse to blood pressure- but it happened. A terrible supervisor came to me with a raised eyebrow and said, Soooo Kevin. All 3 of your last 3 patients had the exact same vital signs!? I have never seen that happen before. That is odd- don't you think? She was hinting that I was lying and falsifying my charting.
  • Yeaaaah, I have been a nurse for 20 years. Believe me- if I was going to lie about something; it probably wouldn't be about something that would take maybe 120 seconds to do properly, that everybody can see me do (or not do) and everybody from a clerk to the patient themselves will expect to see me do.
  • Today, an office buddy gave me chicken tamales for lunch. She bought them from a guy in a laundromat. They were delicious.
  • Ugh. My stomach hurts and feels kind of bubbly- wonder what is up with that?!

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Unnecessary Perforation

Another person I know personally who survived a gunshot:

D.A. Was crossing a fence with a holstered pistol on his right hip, when he swung his leg over the gun discharged. The bullet went in the back of his upper leg travelled downward, exited above and behind the knee and reentered his calf travelling downward and exiting above his ankle.

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Wednesday's Digressions

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  • The Mexican guys working on the drain above the pool have figured out I understand their cursing and ragging on each other and have toned it down a bit and are also grinning at me sheepishly as they whisper to each other to cool it.
  • Raisin' Canes chicken is on the way to be eaten poolside. Aside from a nursing buddy's leftovers- I have never eaten their chicken.
  • Verdict: it is OK. I do not get what the fuss is all about.
  • In line at the vehicle registration office this morning (today is 06/10/2016) I chatted with a retired Air Force officer who flew B52s during the Vietnam war. Interestingly, his gunner lives in Springtown. He was on leave when Linebacker started and then when he returned and was going to have to fly a mission for it- his aircraft got pulled for maintenance issues.
  • While getting my vehicle inspected this morning I perused Parker county Today magazine which had a, "People of Parker County to Meet Before You Die" article. Surprisingly, I only knew 2 of the featured people (and they are family to each other-which is why I knew them both).
  • Birdwell's is always busy- good for them.
  • I want something good to eat but don't know what I need to satisfy the craving- BBQ might work but seafood or Mexican also sound good but either one would have to be real good to cure the craving.
  • First world problems...
  • Recently I helped a neighbor lady with some chores. A snoopy other neighbor snitched on me to my GF within hours.
  • We have a Harbor Freight tool store in Weatherford now. Yaaaaay!
  • The other day I saw an ex girlfriend doing a menial job. The last I knew she did a medical field job which required training and paid pretty well. Even if it is only part time I had to wonder why she was doing that other job and hope she is OK.
  • I know of at least 4 pool halls that were in Decatur back in the day.

Monday, August 8, 2016

Monday's Missives

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  • Yesterday (today is 07/07/2016) I bumped into an old co worker.  She was one of those people who after 4-5 failed and abusive marriages discovered God and self help books- both of which are great- until you start beating people down with them. While I cannot say she was hated at the old job- she defininitely got on peoples nerves and she was set up to fail a few times. I felt sorry for her and used my influence to get people to back off. Yesterday, I remembered why she was so disliked. She makes an attempt at maintaining eye contact which turns into a stare down. She moves in close in an attempt to close the emotional distance but intrudes severely in your personal space. She asks you all about yourself to try and make you feel like you are the most important thing in the world at that moment but it makes you feel like you are being interrogated and you sense everything you say will come back to haunt you...
  • It was a whippin'.
  • Another connected thought: after not seeing her for many years and not even thinking of her for several years she crossed my mind recently. I thought about our interactions and how people treated her. I wondered where she was and what she was doing etc. It even crossed my mind how odd it was that I had not bumped into her through the years as when we were co workers while we were off duty we crossed paths frequently. For example, I rememember seeing her in multiple restaraunts and stores and bumping into her in Wal Mart parking lot- two times. It made me wonder, Is she even still alive? (she is quite a bit older than me). Although the subject changed, just last week during break room talk at lunch I almost used her to illustrate a point I was making; and then yesterday I bump into her. What am I supposed to do with those situations? Is that a God-thing that I am supposed to react to?
  • Last night I started Evil Dead 2 which I am nearly sure I have never seen before. Well, to be more correct- I have definitely never seen the whole thing before.
  • In another life I had multiple friends whom I could turn to when lonely. Some were older, some were younger, some were male and some female but there were several of us who knew we could turn to each other when needed. We could call or text and say, I don't want to be alone. Do you want to go ________? I don't have that anymore and I am not sure exactly why.
  • Cringe compilation- Dating On Demand

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Raising Zachary= The Early Years

Zachary saw a hairdresser he recognized from where he got his hair cut and her gorgeous 6 year old daughter in a restaurant today. He turned to me and said, I'm going to go say something to them. When he came back I said, What did you say to them? I asked them to sit with us, but they are going back to the shop.

Did I mention he's not quite 4 yet?