Thursday, July 31, 2008

A Brush With Fame

While approaching a baggage claim area I became aware of a giant wearing neon orange and yellow from head to toe. his skin was nearly as orange as the muscle pants he wore. I didn't know that much about wrestling since the days of my youth watching the VonErichs,the Freebirds etc. but I knew Hulk Hogan the second I saw him. Yes, I know Hulk Hogan goes way back also but, I just don't remember seeing him when I was in my wouldn't miss saturday night rasslin if it harelipped the governor phase.
Anyway, I glanced up and knew it was him immediately,I meekly said,"Oh uh, Hey, how are you doing?" He said something in reply like,"How are you, slick?" While looking at me like I was a bug.


Another Random Reflection On Blood

I hadn't thought about this in years but, in high school one of my teachers was pushing a thumbtack into a bulletin board when the plastic part shattered allowing the back of the pin to jam deep into her thumb. It was so deep only the the very tip of the pointed end was showing. She was crying and saying,"Oh God it hurts, pull it out" I tried to pry it out with my finger tips but, it was in too deep and it was too slippery from all the blood. In desperation I used my teeth to pull it out! This was before we knew anything about AIDS but, can you imagine?

Danica Patrick

This just in: Danica Patrick admits, "This whole racing thing is just a cover to one day allow me to lead my Army of the Undead in search of Brrrrains!" I said,"Oh my, that would explain a lot, here's a towel, lady." She replied,"Rarrrr! and started chasing me around the beach saying,I'll eat your brains."
My thoughts? First, brains?- she doesn't know me very well and second, it was a relief to see her show some emotion.

Blog Self Review Thought For The Day

On looking at mini-chupas picture from yesterday all I can think is Wow, I make great looking kids!

A Bumper Sticker

Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

I Knew A Guy Once...

Whose grandaughter painted his toenails red while he napped on the couch. His daughter then put a toe ring on his next-to big toe. I thought it was all pretty funny until I realized he wasn't going to remove either. I never looked at him the same.

I Weep For The Species

Recently while talking to a friend about fuel prices and our environment she got me started on bio fuels. I mentioned there use as currently practiced was worse for the environment because every gallon of ethanol produced took at least 1.5 gallons of fossil fuels to make. She replied,"That may be true but, it burns cleaner."


Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Lawn Darts

The accidents looking for a place to happen above and to the left were called Jarts, Larts or Lawn Darts depending on the manufacturer. They were just giant metal tipped darts that came with a ring you laid out on the lawn to give you a target. Most anyone could start at least 30 feet away and then you would move out as skill increased-if you lived that long. The game would in practice often be more akin to chicken with kids seeing how long they could stand in front of the incoming dart before moving. They were a blast.
After 3 children were killed a federal law was passed banning them in the US in 1988 and Canada in 1989. Replacement parts are still available for them. Three children dying is three too many but, I wonder how many millions of tosses from how many hundreds of thousands (millions?) of those sets it took for them to occur.
A few postscripts might be in order: They were replaced by some sets that used lead weights in the nose that must have weighed 8 ounces. Wonder what kind of blunt force trauma something like that could cause to someones head whistling in at about 30-40 mph? The last known death in the US caused by a Jart was in 1997- nearly ten years after they were banned. The Consumer Product Safety Commision still has active notices requesting they be alerted to the sale of these devices in the US.

Wednesdays Digressions

  • Mini-chupas head wound (should he be called chupacabrito?) I'll think about that.
  • It started as a hemangioma which is a birthmark which usually presents sometime after birth-weird huh? He scratched it off himself in his sleep,which is the only time he's messed with it. He's ok but, man he was sleeping with me the first time it happened. You wake up and the bed looked like a crime scene!
  • Even minor head wounds look bad though because the head is so vascular, meaning there are a lot of veins.
  • Blood is so powerful the word itself is very evocative isn't it?
  • Blood
  • That wouldn't have had to be in caps and italicised to get our attention- it's a powerful word. Is that because we are so afraid of the substance itself so the word has an equally strong connotation?
  • People like to start arguments about blood being the bodies largest organ (instead of the skin) It's not, it's actually a tissue to further complicate things.
  • Blood is thicker than water.
  • In the movie Rambo First Blood Sylvester Stallone broke three ribs on his fall through the trees.
  • Sugar added to blood increases it's storage life.
  • Mr. Spock has T negative blood, which is green due to the copper content.
  • Roman doctors were the first to prescribe blood taken orally for life threatening illness and to confer youth to the recipient.
  • 7% of human body weight is blood.
  • A human adult has about 6 quarts or 5.6 liters of blood.
  • Before you donate blood drink a large glass of water about an hour or two before and keep working on another until you donate. It will bring your volume up enough to make the process easier and faster. The tech. on my last donation said taking aspirin would help and doesn't hurt the product.
  • Please donate and donate often-every 2 seconds in the US someone needs a blood product.
  • You can't get blood from a turnip.
  • Every culture in the world has a blood drinking monster legend and they also are among the oldest horror stories in the world.
  • Cows have over 800 blood types.
  • How many movies,books and campfire stories have,"As his life-blood formed a pool around his body..." somewhere in them?
  • Chupacabra means goatsucker in Spanish. He is a legendary creature that feasts often on the blood of goats.

Flora Of The Chupacabras Habitat

I'm not sure what kind of plant this is but, it's pretty isn't it? It's just a weed- I see them all over the pasture behind the house but, since it was a seedling that popped up in the flowerbed it had a nice look and texture. It gets as many compliments as anything I grow. Maybe I'll culture it and sell it and make my fortune-Muwahaha! (that's my evil genius laugh). Maybe I'll call it Texanus Chupacabra Randomus Kinda Cool Looking Weed- El Loco. Sorry to get so scientific and technical, I get carried away with my evil genius plans and take on airs sometimes.
If you need me I'll be sitting here rocking back and forth wanting all that fame and money.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Sleep Little Skunky

I couldn't get this picture to upload last night. After he ate the toad he went and lay down on that rock. I thought maybe he was getting poisoned by the toad. However, he was none the worse for wear today and I released him down at the pond earlier. He ate the toad from the back upward and stopped about halfway up the body- the preponderance of poison glands are around the head of the toad. I don't recommend it but, if you press the bulbous nodules right behind the eyes, a milky substance will shoot out- just right to be in the mouth of an attacker that comes head on. That may be coincidence or maybe they know to avoid that area. Maybe they are immune? Another thing I learned is that skunks stink- even when they don't spray. It was a distinctive, very musky smell that I'm familiar with from somewhere an old barn maybe?

Jack Elam

was yet another famous person with only one eye.

He once described what it meant to be a character actor by how a director would talk about him:
Stage 1: "Who is Jack Elam?"
Stage 2: "Get me Jack Elam."
Stage 3: "I want a Jack Elam type."
Stage 4: "I want a younger
Jack Elam."
Stage 5: "Who is Jack Elam?"

Text Of Email Selling Viagra Type Product

The last two lines are of particular comfort in these troubled times in which we live.

Dr. Suk stood next to Serena and acknowledged the bureaucrats. "In my work as a military surgeon, I have relied upon Tlulaxa products to save countless lives. Long ago, Primero Harkonnen himself received a new set of lungs, thanks to the flesh merchant Tuk Keedair. If the Primero had not been saved that day, he would never have lived to become the father of Manion the Innocent." "The tide may rise and fall, Kalem, but do you believe my heart is like a bit of flotsam to be tossed about, this way and that? If I make a promise, I keep it."

Hypno Toad Salutes You From Toad Heaven

This is the toad the skunk ate in the front flowerbed. He had been around since at least last summer. He spent the winter in the water meter box. This picture was taken shortly after he came out for the summer. I called him Hypno Toad because of that eye.
RIP Hypno Toad-thanks for the memories.

Death Watch?

Pepe Lepew is so far none the worse for wear. I've got him in the porta crate with the steak and water. He is devouring the steak.

Death Among The Elephant Ears

Just took this pic in my front flowerbed. It's 15 min. after midnight- what about, "Midnight Snack In The Garden Of Good And Evil" for a title? That particular toad over wintered in the water meter box. Note his left eye looks clear-not an illusion, only the bottom part was pigmented. I called him Hypno Toad. Very interesting encounter with one of our friends of the woodland realm.
I set a cat size port a pet crate near the porch with a piece of steak in it-I'll try to catch and release it, if it lives long enough- toads are very toxic.

Monday, July 28, 2008

A Sad Memory

One of my best friends in college happened to be one of the most decent people overall I've ever met she also:
Was one of the smartest
One of the most patient and best teachers who always had time to help anyone with a math problem but, she specifically helped kids as a tutor.
Was a sunday school and vacation Bible school teacher
Very funny
Very pretty
She also weighed well over 300 pounds and this coupled with my friendship of her showed me a dark side of human behavior I've not been able to forget. After we parted ways following lunch one day I heard something 2 guys said as they went past me, I looked back to see them holding their arms out as if over fat and waddling back and forth mocking her. The next two guys walked toward her head on and when they got a few feet behind her started pointing and laughing. A group of three people- two guys and one girl then passed her and did the same thing.
Wow, I may be naieve but, I simply could not comprehend that adult human beings were capable of such gratuitous viciousness. No one would have that coming to them but, I simply cannot over emphasize what a decent person she was. She did nothing to deserve their mockery. She was only walking to her dorm from lunch.
Seven people encountered her who could have been polite said Hello and gone about their business, maybe stopped and got to know her even or just ignored her if nothing else yet they decided to do their part to destroy a decent human being.
The worst part? She realised what was going on and later apoligised to me, in case I was embarassed or if being around her had ever embarassed me.
That was nearly 20 years ago and the thought still makes me want to cry.

Notable Quotable

The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of a wise man is in his heart.
Benjamin Franklin

Sandy Duncan

is another

Sammy Davis Jr.

was a famous person who only had one eye.

A Mugshot

Artistic self expression or cry for help?

A Bumper Sticker

Notable Quotables

I must be cruel only to be kind; Thus bad begins, and worse remains behind.
William Shakespeare

Mondays Missives

  • Beef, it's what's for breakfast
  • My basting sauce: 1/2 stick of butter,fresh ground black pepper, granulated garlic,1/4 cup fresh lemon juice,1/2 cup medium hot Picante, 1/4 cup virgin olive oil, and brown sugar.
  • I noticed in the gossip headlines everybody was getting excited about Britney Spears letting her son play with a lighter- when I can't get those things to work half the time because of the child safety locks. Nobody seemed too worked up over her smoking 3 feet away from the child though.
  • It really bothers me when someone dies young from a cigarette smoking related disease.
  • How did Obama get to where he is in the campaign process? I have yet to meet a supporter even who can name one political accomplishment or who can discuss his voting record in the Senate. They just chant over and over,"It's time for change."
  • I am honestly more conversant on his accomplishments and record and I'm nothing near a supporter.
  • If he were anybody else, the press wouldn't let him get away with how he presents himself and he would have been long gone.
  • His slogan is: Yes We Can. Which also happens to be Bob The Builders.
  • Shia Lebouf was in the news this morning for alledged DUI. The best acting he's ever done was an SNL skit called MacGruber- a MacGyver parody, very funny. You can find it on Hulu.
  • Leonard Dicaprio--The best actor alive today. You read it here first.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner

Wise County Reunion 2008

A random carnie-I think he was mad at the world. He broke his hand assembling his ride.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Household Tips From The Chupacabra

If an animal or child you wish to spare gets caught in a sticky trap, coat the ensnared appendage in vegetable oil and rub off with a cloth towel-don't ask.

Southern Fried Expression

To indicate there may be more than one way of doing something we often hear people say,"Well, there's more than one way to skin a cat." We get the drift of the speaker but, do we ever question the origins of the expression?

Simply put this saying came into being because it's true. House cat skins were often used in the US for drum and banjo heads among other products. This was not out of mere convenience but, it was believed they were superior to other materials for this purpose.

The problem with using Garfield for this purpose? They stink to high heaven when being skinned- more than a skunk some have reported, so everybody that did the deed had a favorite way to mitigate the odor. A favored way in The Appalachias was to submerge the animal in a tub of water while skinning.

Now you know.

Wisdom Of A Chupacabra

If you innocently refer to someone as crazy and they respond totally out of proportion demanding you never,ever call them crazy again well, that's because they probably are.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Jennifer Tilley

Is 50 years old and looks as good today as when she was 20. When she does an interview titled Health And Beauty Secrets Of The Stars, women the world over need to take notes.

A Pop Culture Moment

Can you spot 10 differences between these 2 images?

A Moment In US History

The Great Boston Molasses Flood could easily be filed under: Couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. A tank in Bostons North End holding over 2 million gallons of molasses used in making industrial alcohol ruptured in January 1919. The resulting flood was led by a wave of syrup 40 feet high that killed 21 people.

A Bumper Sticker

Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run, he hates that.

A Bumper Sticker

Some days it's just not worth gnawing through the leather straps.

A Bumper Sticker

Apathy: I can take it or leave it.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Fridays Dispatch

  • A prediction: In our lifetimes wars will be fought over drinking water rights-in our hemisphere (as in Mexico). It will start as more or less riots then it will become a civil war.
  • This will shock us and get our attention more than the wars there'll be over water in Africa and the Middle East.
  • We'll still feel insulated because it's over there
  • My baby boy just got back from the doc. The place on his head is just a hemangioma- a birthmark that arises after birth. It has it's own blood supply so when he scratches it off, his bed looks like a crime scene photo from one of those tawdry old, true crime magazines.
  • He only scratches it off in his sleep.
  • Saw a Ribbon Snake in the yard while watering Wednesday. I tried to catch him to relocate him to some place safer-he failed to see the humor and bit at me ( he was too small to really get me) like a rabid Cobra.
  • I have no idea how many times I've been bitten by snakes.
  • Last weekend my house was full of life during a shower for a girl pregnant with twins-a boy and a girl. The boy died the other night in the womb. The mom said,"Save Zac for my girl, she'll need a good boy to protect her, he's beautiful and smart and I only hear good things about him.
  • A boat of any real size laid up on dry land catches my interest, a huge ship fascinates me,wonder why?
  • Justin Timberlakes solo stuff is amazing. I may gush over it partially because I'm surprised at just how good it is but, it's mostly because it is that awesome.
  • Another prediction: 30 years from now he'll be constantly compared to Frank Sinatra.

In The News

Results have been released for the 2 year program testing Texas student athletes for steroids. It's the largest program of it's type in the nation. Not surprisingly only 2 students tested positive.

The cost? A bargain at 6 million dollars.

I have one word for this stupidity-asinine,imbecilic,ridiculous,unconscionable and moronic.

OK, that's 5 words.

For a little perspective- that money would have given 75 students a full-ride 4 year scholarship at the national average of 80,000 dollars for the 4 years. How many could it have reasonably provided if factored with 2 year college degrees first, state owned schools,considerably lower cost across the board of everything in Texas compared to other areas etc?

How many computers could that money have bought for districts in need?

Band instruments?

Educational field trips even?

Science lab equipment?

Any number of things would have been better than flushing it down the toilet. The above were just some things off the top of my head-I would love to hear how a teacher might spend that money.

10,000 students and 2 tested positive. The law of common sense beat me-I thought it might be as high as 5.

The people responsible for this abuse should pay for it at election time.

We have enough real problems in this world without building up some boogey-man to waste our time and money.

An Embarassing Moment

When I come in from working outside and I'm really dirty it's not uncommon for me take my clothes off in the garage and walk naked into the house to shower. After doing this once I went into the garage from the house naked intending to change there and go outside. Once in the garage I absent mindedly reached for the light switch and by force of habit hit the door opener. In a mild panic I slapped at the switch to stop the door from ascending while I stood there in my birthday suit. This particular switch never responded well to being slapped around and the door continued to rise. Once I composed myself well enough to firmly press the switch once, it stopped a little less than halfway open.

No big deal,just open the door leading into the kitchen- correct? Fine idea,until you realize you locked yourself out.

Then it gets worse as far as I'm concerned-better for you I'm sure, smiling your smug smile of smugginess at my misfortune. I could hear the neighbors-Dad, Mom and 2 girls outside talking. Yikes,what are they doing so close to my house? Oh my God, are they coming over here to visit? I dove for cover behind the riding mower as they moved on, walking toward their own front yard.

How long can I stay in here I wondered? Not long, it's only about eleventy billion degrees in here came the grim answer.

I waited as long as possible then looked and listened outside as well as I could then holding a soft sided cooler over my rear end and a Frisbee over the front end ran around to the front door I remembered correctly and thankfully to be unlocked.

From The Detritus Of My Youth

This toy funny car version of an armored car is called Funny Money.

  • It's a Hot Wheels brand and was one of my favorites.

Mini-chupa loves it and selects it from his shelf of special toys 90% of the time.

Big bubba was a little bummed I think that he had to start sharing this kind of stuff when it would surface.

A Brush with Fame

  • When I was in junior high I competed against (ok was slaughtered by) Mike Von Erich in the discus at a track meet.
  • All of the brothers and Fritz were there.
  • As a pretty little kid you simply cannot comprehend how big those guys seemed.
  • Fritz's voice was unbelievably deep and gravelly.
  • While he worked with Mike, Fritz barked at David or Kerry one,"Go get started helping that boy." motioning towards me!
  • They both came over to the practice pit I was using. They were very patient and kind. I remember wishing they were my big brothers.
  • They were giants.
  • Fritz weighed 15 lbs at birth
  • Kerry's foot was amputated after a motorcycle wreck. He continued performing and in fact kept his amputation a secret until another wrestler grabbed his boot during a match attempting to pull him out of the ring and pulled his prosthesis off.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

An Animalistic Minute

These type of swallows come every year to build their nests under my porch. These are actually the grandchildren of ones who built earlier in this year.

I usually break the nests up as they build them, occasionally I'm lucky and they move on, usually though they persevere and get it finished when I'm away and I won't have the heart to knock it down.

The eggs are white with brown specks. The older birds will have 1-2 more eggs than first timers.

The older birds also build much better quality
nests and do it much quicker.

You can't see the littlest one but, it was tossed
out by the mother with a dead one. I
picked it up and put it back-he's fine. I can be so

I've learned how to imitate the sound they make
at feeding time. When I do all the babies sit up
on the edge and start chirping like crazy wagging
their big heads with their maws open for a
worm. I can be such a jerk.

Shoot Out The Star

Has anyone ever shot that red star out? I saw a guy argue with the carnie over it once. I was afraid they were goin to come to blows. The guy snatched the target away and stomped off. The next night at the pool hall (there have been 4 that I recall in Decatur) He would show it to anybody that would listen. One girl pointed out a thin line of red on one side of a point. He said something like,"You are just as stupid as that carnie." I looked at it myself -there was one line of red as thin as a hair that was even more difficult to notice because it was actually folded back by the BBs passing through the target.

Band From Reunion 23 July 2008

I didn't stay long enough to hear that song, I want to go home with the armadilla something something and Amarilla" but, I'm sure they played it.

Wise County Old Settlers Reunion

  • The first thing I saw upon getting out of the car at the reunion 22 July 2008. My first thought- I'm 43 years old and the sight of the Ferris Wheel,the smell of cotton candy and the sound of generators powering up to sling the fast rides around still makes my hair stand on end and gets me pumped.
  • The second thought-my daughter is six and my son is one and they've never been before-that will never happen again. If I have anything to do with it they won't miss again.
  • One of the carnies told me he made a down payment on the ride he works and is buying it, I asked him how that works he said,"They take so much percentage out of my check". I think my leg was getting pulled. I'm writing about it here and he'll laugh at me with his carnie buddies later.
  • Carnies and rubes- we all have our roles I suppose.
  • That guy had gold teeth with diamonds set it in them and fangs over his canines. I thought his jaw was misshapen until I made him laugh.
  • If a group of vampires got to together they could make a lot of money off a carnival and stay ahead of trouble by feasting hearty on the townies their last night and then moving on.
  • One worker told me they did a show in Corpus Christie that drew in 44,000 people the first night. Do some math on that one-I spent 15 dollars and I'm a pathetic cheapskate.
  • One female carnie told me she hated her job. I asked why she said,"All the drama,constant drama." She had been working there for 2 months.
  • All of the car,boat and motorcycles in those rides look exactly the same as when I was a kid.
  • One carnie marvelled that they did a show in a cow pasture the week before. He said,"They actually had to chase the cows out. There were cow pies still still laying around everywhere" I asked him how he like his job,how he got it etc. He said," I'll put it to you this way,my divorce has been final a while,my daughter is out on her own and taking good care of herself and I'm going to travel and let the world worry about all the problems. I'm gonna have a little fun. The rest of the world can handle all the problems. "
  • Sounds good to me brother.
  • He also wanted me to know,"I'm just a normal guy,you know? I have a house a car and a pickup back home for that matter. This is just a way for me to travel and let the world take care of it's own problems."
  • I'm sold, where do I get an application?
  • I saw an obviously profoundly mentally retarded woman with two small children. The girl was not obviously affected but the boy was-who marries people like this? Isn't that illegal? Part of the night she just staggered around crying, holding those dirty little kids hands.
  • I saw at least 3 teenagers that nearly had to belong to people I knew back when.

  • One girl I went to school with has a 26 year old daughter

  • "Hey man,how are you?" I asked while answering the question myself in my head-"Obviously better than the last time I heard anything about you". He was involved in some sort of a multi agency stand-off- wish I was kidding. He looked good though, healthy looking, smiling and with clear, sane looking eyes. Those 3 things mean more than you might think. Good for him,I would have guessed him to be long dead. Good for him.
  • It was funny to see people trying to figure out for sure who I was. One woman snuck a cel phone pic and then I noted she was talking on same obviously (I thought) calling a friend for a lifeline or whatever they call it on that tv show to get some help ID-ing me. I couldn't figure out who she or her husband were either but,they were very familiar. Every time I turned around for a few of the rides they were twiddling their thumbs while whistling and looking at everything but, me while trying to nonchalantly walk away.
  • When the CIA starts hiring from a "Man on the street" program don't quit your day job friends.
  • I saw the former Decatur Mayor and his wife, she was my Sunday school teacher and he the powerful,city leader who always remembered my name though years may have separated our last meeting. They got old. That's part of life- why did it hit me so hard?
  • On my way to talk to them and introduce my children I saw her stopping to catch her breath. I diverted and went to the music pavillion. I don't know why,I guess I didn't want her to know I'd seen her like that. It's ridiculous but,that's what I came up with.
  • The band did a song that had the line," We don't say the N word in Decatur " Whoa, stop the bus! What was that? He meant Nashville-the song was an ode to Texas music.

  • My mom and dad would be out on that dance floor if no one else was. I'm kind of proud that even then, I thought that was pretty cool. My baby boy was the only one on it last night dancing at times.
  • Why,when the sun first starts dropping does it become mortally, unbearably hot?
  • I talked to one old acquaintance who I would guess is 10 years older than myself. After he commented on my spread (my oldest son is 14 and youngest 1) he said," But, then I have 11 grandchildren "
  • I couldn't hear a thing he said after that.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Bumper Sticker

I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to.

Southern Fried Expression

"Well,don't that just take the rag off the bush!"

Used to illustrate an appalling, or sorry act.

Origin: If the clothesline was full or the people were too poor for one, wet clothes would be layed over bushes or small trees to dry. If you were so poor all you had were rags and no clothesline to dry them on even and they were stolen-well that's pretty sorry.

Get Your Head Around This One

The future isn't what it used to be...

I Had A girlfriend Once...

Who had 7 tattoos and 11 body piercings

Something About Me

I could live on Mexican Food,especially crispy shell tacos-no lettuce,lots of tomatos,cheese,hot sauce and pico de gallo.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Some Things Just Rub Me The Wrong Way

This is the girl that will forever be known I suppose as Porsche Girl. She was killed in an accident that destroyed her head and dismembered her body. She struck another car and then a toll booth while investigators believe travelling at 100+ MPH. Her parents have won a court desicion allowing them to sue over graphic pictures of the aftermath that made there way to the internet after posting by CHP.

There are any number of lessons to be learned from this situation-privacy issues,free speech,you name it and pile on-every one else has. I constantly see people requesting the pics (which have been pretty well supressed) to show to"My friend who drives too fast and crazy so they can see what can happen" etc.

The one thing I've heard no one mention that really bothers me is why would any one(besides the family) be so excited about this issue?

If it's that she died in a crash and we want to some how touch that moment to learn from it or show some one "Who drives too fast and crazy"- Go to a junkyard -if you can't find a car somebody has died in you'll see dozens. You can touch the steering wheel and know the last person who did died. You may even be able to see their blood or brain spatter. Their lip stick tube may be on the floorboard or their girlfriends pic hanging from the mirror.

I'll tell you what has caused all the interest- she was a stunningly beautiful young girl (and at 18 no time for any other real accomplishments), probably from a wealthy family who after an argument with her father stole his Porsche and wrapped it around a toll booth and awful pictures of her broken body and destroyed head were made available. The fact of her beauty made the morbid curiosity associated with this case inevitable.

If that poor girl had been overweight,with bad complexion,snaggle teeth and a lazy eye we would have never even heard about the case and if we had would have dismissed it immediately on seeing her pre-death pictures. This would have been true no matter what-I don't care, she could have been a nurse returning from a Peace Corp mission to vaccinate children and feed tsunami victims and it would seem kind of sad but,mostly we'd be relieved in the back of our minds she wasn't"one of the beautiful people"-it would have seemed more of a waste somehow.

You know I'm right.

The Opposite Of Love

Is not hate, although that's the answer you'll get from most people-it's indifference.

I Knew A Girl Once

Who ate rat while on a mission trip to Africa. It had been skewered with its tail wrapped around a stick and cooked over an open fire.

I Had A Girlfriend Once

Who wore size 2 shoes.

Something About Me

Unless being unusually physically active I often only eat one meal per day and never eat more than two full meals.

Some Things Just Rub Me The Wrong Way

In an article about the July 4 weekend in the Weatherford Telegram the police chief was quoted saying the public was "compliant and well behaved"-grrrr. Don't get me started.

Mondays Missives

  • Watched some UFC bouts this weekend for the first time in a year or maybe even two. Maybe it's the young-ish nature of the sport or the wide variety of techniques that can be applied but,it's nearly unbelievable how much those guys can advance over relatively short periods of time. I started watching UFC-MMA in the very beginning and as much as people may hate to hear it the legendary bad men of those days would be destroyed in short order by some of the unknowns of today. They would simply not be able to grasp the hurtin' coming their way.

  • I don't know how anyone could say they "hate" MMA fighting or boxing. People who think either or both should be banned strike me as trying to pose as societal betters and rub me the wrong way.

  • The only thing more dishonest on this subject? People who love boxing and would like to see MMA banned. Boxers are far and away more likely to suffer long term damage and in fact be killed in a bout.
  • I also like watching a little drag racing.

  • When I was a kid the challenge for dragsters was to top 200 mph and writers and commentators would talk regularly about how unlikely it would be for a car to ever exceed 250 mph. Then there was the 300 mph "barrier" Dragsters and Funny Cars now travel at 320 mph in the 1/4 mile.

  • Drag racers have had their retinas detach, and collarbone and ribs broken on opening their chutes.

  • Until the early 90's horsepower of Top Fuel dragsters could only be estimated. The formulas were found to be wrong when somebody modified a dynamometer used for WWII bomber engines. They were found to produce in excess of 5000 horsepower.

  • When a top fuel dragster leaves the line it sounds like an explosion. You can feel it hit your chest like a punch if you are standing right at the line.

  • Every woman I've ever taken to the races enjoys it-even the ones who were resistant to the thought. I don't know if it's my charm and wit or they were surprised by how exciting it can be but, they've always liked it more than they assumed they would. Way "back in the day" passengers were allowed in the cars and I was able to get them rides in my friends cars-pretty awesome. I still have pictures of one climbing out of a friends car at the end of a run- she was absolutely giddy and her expression was pure joy.

  • Simple pleasures for a simple mind I suppose.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Junior High Gym

  • When I was a kid we used to break into the gym to have a place to play basketball and dodgeball. The break-in involved finding an unlocked window and hoisting the smallest guy through. We would play for as long as we wanted then turn the lights off and lock ourselves out. I don't think vandalism ever entered our minds.

  • I remember sliding on my knee while playing dodgeball while wearing some goofy synthetic fiber sweats. I also remember very painfully the second degree burns doing same caused my knee.

  • There were holes in the floor where you could see all the way through to the ground.

  • After a heavy rain you could find hundreds of tennis balls that washed off the roof.

  • On the tennis courts in front of the building we would play dodgeball before school,at PE and at lunch-every day. Some of us were uncannily good due to muscle memory as much as any real skill.

  • One of my teeth still has a chip from hitting a slick spot on the concrete which caused my leg to slide out and my face to impact my other knee. I couldn't touch my own knee with my face now if you cut me in half.

  • We played dodgeball with tennis balls,basketballs,soccer ball and yes,even the red dodgeballs. Believe it or not we even experimented with footballs ! This idea was discarded as too dangerous for us even.

  • One or two balls would only be about 75% inflated to allow a pinched grasp and a side armed throw. This would cause a curve ball effect-deadly.

  • WA went back against the wall at "full court press",a basketball hit him in the face smashing his head against the wall. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he slid to the floor without a sound.

  • I still remember one of the bullies getting hit square in the throat by a ball and the grins of satisfaction all around. Everyone barely waited for him to stagger off the court gasping for breath to resume play. No one even asked if he was ok-except me, we had been friends since before first grade.

  • There were always birds of some type in there.

  • A Starling pooped in BWs mouth as he acted a fool chasing it around.

  • This is the only building in the Decatur School system that can honestly say it kept me off its roof the entire time I was a student.


When I was a kid there were 2 different women who lived fairly close to my neighborhood that had the habit of delighting myself and other young area miscreants by sunbathing in their backyards. If they were spotted we would go to the other kids homes or alert them by phone and then we'd assume our spying positions. I can still remember my knees getting strangely weak when I saw one through her um, privacy fence undo her top to prevent those tacky tan lines.

Years later I met up with one of them and if I'm lying -I'm dying, we had coffee on a couple of different occasions. She was still beautiful in her early 60's.

In The News

Is this kind looking,older lady a sweet schoolteacher who inadverdently found herself on the wrong side of the law? No,this is murderer Susan Atkins from the Manson Family.

Born in San Gabriel, Los Angeles County, California, the second of three children, Atkins grew up in northern California, where she had a difficult childhood. Both of her parents, Edward and Jeanette, were allegedly alcoholics. Her mother died of cancer in 1962. Over the next three years, Atkins' life was disrupted by the gradual breakup of her family, frequent moves, and her leaving home to live independently.

In 1967, Atkins met Charles Manson when he played guitar at the house where she was living with several friends. When the house was raided several weeks later by the police and she was left homeless, Manson invited her to join his group, who were embarking on a summer road trip in a converted school bus painted completely black. She was given the nickname "Sadie Mae Glutz" by Manson and a man who was creating a fake ID for her at the time. Atkins later claimed to have believed Manson to be Jesus. The growing "Manson Family" settled at the Spahn Ranch in the San Fernando Valley in Southern California, where on October 7, 1968, she bore a son, by an unnamed father, whom Manson named Zezozose Zadfrack. Atkins' parental rights were terminated once she was convicted of the murders and no one in her family would assume responsibility for the child. She has had no contact with her son since her incarceration in 1969, when he was 1 1/2 years old. Her son was adopted and renamed "Paul".

I wonder if Paul knows or ever will know who his birth mother was?

The home where Tate and Polanski were living with friends was known to Manson and Watson, who had been there once and knew where it was, and Manson knew that wealthy, famous people lived there. One former tenant of the home was Terry Melcher, a record producer.

If the name Melcher sounds familiar, he was Doris Days son. He lived in that house with his girlfriend Candice Bergan. He co wrote the the Beach Boys Hit Kokomo.

During the sentencing phase of the trial, Atkins testified that she stabbed Tate. She candidly stated that she had stabbed Tate because she was "sick of listening to her, pleading and begging, begging and pleading". She also denied that Manson had any role in orchestrating the murders.

Atkins is the one who wrote "pig" in Sharon Tates blood on the wall.

She has been married twice since imprisoned. Once to a Texan who claimed to be a millionare and pledged to use his fortune to gain her release. She is currently married to a lawyer who continues to work for her release.

Vincent Bugliosi, who prosecuted Atkins and other members of the Manson Family, later stated that he supported her release only to save the state money. The cost for Atkins' medical care since she was hospitalized on March 18, 2008 has reportedly surpassed $1.15 million with additional cost of over $300,000 to guard her hospital room."
In June, Atkins' attorney, Eric P. Lampel stated that Atkins condition had deteriorated to the point that she is paralyzed on one side, can only talk "a little bit" and can't sit up in bed without assistance." She has also had her left leg amputated. She has been denied parole 17 times.

My thoughts on this issue: If she lives another 6 months cost for her care will easily top 3 million dollars. How much good could have been done with that money?

Vengeance is not justice I don't care how awful the crime.

You may say,"If it was my family I'd want those responsible to rot..." Believe what you want but,your family isn't beautiful enough,rich enough or famous enough to warrant vengeance in the US legal system.

Compassionate parole was denied for Atkins July 15 2008

If the Manson Family monsters had murdered someone in my family or yours most of them would have been out of prison a long,long time ago.

I Knew A Guy Once...

Who married a Navaho Indian woman that had three children. 1 black,1 Mexican and 1 white.

Death Among The Gladiolas

This sweet looking young thing is what is commonly called a Copperhead. I'm not sure but,I think this is ancient Aztec for "He who lies in ambush between the Umbrella plant and the Gladiolas waiting to put a severe hurtin' on ole Chupa el Cabra"-but,I'm not sure.

They often live in wooded areas often hence the camoflouge but,there will always be a water source nearby.(like my water hydrant) They have a wide range of temperament but,instinctively freeze at danger-often giving rise to the impression they stand their ground-they will often just as likely freeze but,make little effort to attack.
I have no animosity whatever toward our legless neighbors of the woodland realm but dog gonnit bro. my flowerbed? You gotta go!

Copperheads are birthed live, not from eggs.

There are exceptions but,it seems poisonous snakes just look like bad news. Compare this specimen to a grass snake or whatever. A grass snake or a corn snake et al makes you want to cuddle up with it and eat Rice Krispy treats- this thing can just look at you and make you draw up inside.

Copperheads was the name of a Civil War era anti war political group.

I'm not afraid of snakes-I never kill them,I capture and release them but, after I interact with one everything makes me think snake! I walked around the house last night checking for other snakes. When I stumbled upon a water hose, inside I jumped a bit-yeah, like there are always 75 feet long,lime green snakes lurking the shadows waiting to take me down.

What was I thinking when scooping this bad boy up into the Mason Jar you ask? "Man, you are going to look like such a goob in the ER explaining how you got bit by a Copperhead on the thumb!"

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Southern Fried Expression

Say you know someone that just wears you smooth out with too much detail in every little story they relate. You can say:

"Don't ever ask that girl what time it is-unless you want to learn how to make a clock."

Or in the company of people familiar with the expression?

When the offender is out of earshot you may ask, "Clockmaker?"

Friday, July 18, 2008

A Brush With Infamy

I knew a guy once who worked with Henry Lee Lucas.

When we asked him what Lucas was like he said to the effect,"Well he's just like anybody else I guess. He likes to have a beer after work and I don't know, he was just a pretty good ole boy,I thought."

He was actually on his way to see him when the many police cars,coroner vehicles etc. at the place Lucas was living gave him the first inkling HLL wasn't such a,"good ole boy" after all.

Metal band Downthesun released a song titled "Lucas Toole" in 2002. Lyrics include "You'd kill anything, empty eyes smile, erasing innocence... A tool of sickened mind, I wish I'd never had heard of this, staring at his picture hurts inside, why'd you have to make him die, I'd give anything to bring him back, and put you in his place"

Toole references Lucas' boyfriend and supposed accomplice Ottis Toole.

Southern Fried Expression

Say you want to convey how dumb someone is in a memorable way-you could say,"That guy is very unsmart." That would be memorable yes but, not in the way you intended. Here's a better way to express your sentiment:

That guy is so dumb if brains were gasoline, he wouldn't have enough to power an ant go-kart around the inside of a Cheerio Racetrack!

Excuse the quality of illustration-art department off for the weekend. And strange as it may sound, I could find no stock photos of an ant on a go-kart any where on the internets. Very strange,I don't know what this world is coming to.

Touched By An Angel?

I was working in a garden showing a friends kids how to plant tomatoes one day while babysitting and I became aware of someone standing over us,when I looked up I saw a very small,little old lady wearing an impossibly large,floppy sun hat. She was wearing a blue top with white,puffy cloud print and white pants.
When I stopped and said,"Good morning," without replying to my greeting, she pointed her index finger skyward and said," It takes the patience of Job,the riches of Solomon and the love and wisdom of Jesus Christ to raise a child."
I said,"Wow,that was good,thanks give me a second." and I tamped the last plant down and shove the tools off the walk and started the water to get everything watered in good. I looked up expecting to see her waiting and hoping to talk to her some more and let the kids interact with her-for benefit of young and old I suppose but, she wasn't there. I stuck my head around the
corner of the building-not there. OK,I thought she moves faster
than I thought she could and grabbed the children,went
down the walk and looked around the next corner-not a trace.
Maybe she was an Angel and all I needed to hear was what she
said in that one moment of time.

Fridays Dispatch

From this fourth of July. Squirted the lighter fluid on the charcoal then had to look for a lighter that worked. I guess a gas pocket formed. When I lit the coals there was a woosh-boom sound. The lid blew up striking its stop and came back down with an impressive clang. Fire shot a foot- easy out of both vents.

Was my first thought Stop,drop and roll or What's the number for 911? No,I looked around real quick to see if the neighbors saw what happened!

The neighbors have horses in their pasture. Occasionally I let the kids feed them an apple or tomato,sometimes a banana-they love those. One day I dumped some leftover spaghetti in some brush near the fence to keep it from causing animals to tear up the trash but, mostly in the hopes of getting pics of any coyotes it might draw. When I went out just before nightfall to check and make sure it was still there I noticed one of the horses by the fence. When I walked up to him he raised his head and promptly slurped down the last of the 1 foot long strands of spaghetti hanging out of his mouth.

I'm pretty sure that's some type of abomination.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

I Knew A Guy Once...

Who married a girl he knew to be a former prostitute.

I Can Be Such A Goob

I was just reminded of something pretty funny from a few years ago.

When my daughter was about three her grandmother fussed at her about something and then said,"Do you understand me?" My girl replied plainly,"Word" Gran-mama said,"What?" She replied back enunciating very well so there was no mistake and as if she were speaking to a slow child,"Word-To -Your-Mother !"

I had to answer for that one at multiple levels in this life.
I hope the same won't be true in the next.

I'm Not A Movie Critic,However Allow Me To Critique This Movie

Wow,The Assassination Of The Outlaw Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford is a long title for a story in any type of media but, especially a movie.

Music was very good-kind of spooky and dark.

Very good historical accuracy-as good as any movie that I've been reasonably familiar with the background.

No glamorization of the life style these men led-their lives were short and brutish. They lived every day in fear and often sick with TB and other ailments worsened by constantly being rundown.

They weren't Robin Hoods even though people of the time believed they were. They were self serving homicidal maniacs and man, it shows in this movie.

Jesse James' father was a Baptist preacher and hemp farmer.

Jesse James was such a bad man that the person who murdered him felt he had to wait until he was totally unarmed,standing on a chair and his back was to him to shoot him in the back of the head in broad daylight, though he had 24 hour access to him. I think most of us might picture doing such a dirty deed in the dead of night-would probably be suicidal though. The man did not hardly sleep and when he did shut his eyes he had a cocked pistol in one hand and three more in a gunbelt on his person or nearby.

Jesse's mother Zereldas arm was blown off in a Pinkerton raid on her home. As I recall a grenade was dropped down the chimney. After Jesse's death she would give guided tours of her place for a dollar. For a little extra tourists could take pebbles from his grave which she would have replenished earlier that morning from a nearby creek.

Robert Ford is pictured at top. He is holding the pistol he killed Jesse James with. He was shot in the throat with a double barrel shotgun by a man who wanted to be The Man Who Killed The Man Who Killed Jesse James.

What an epitaph?

Wonder where that pistol is now?

The house he was shot in still stands and is open for tours. It's been moved twice since the shooting.

Jesse and Frank James are in the lower picture. Frank died of old age.After retiring from the outlaw life he became a shoe salesman,theater guard and an author and lecturer on his exploits. He died at the family farm at 72 years of age.

In his early life he wanted to be a school teacher and was fond of reading Shakespeare.

A Chicken Story

When I was young and everyone first started using microwave ovens it was common knowledge that there was no point in heating chicken dishes in them. It would become a rubbery,tasteless mess. As one of my friends grandfather said,"It goes in chicken but,man it ain't chicken when it comes out!"

These days it's very common for packaged chicken dishes instructions to state microwaving is the preferred method.

Makes me wonder what kind of deviltry those food scientists have been up to over the years.

I Had A Girlfriend Once Who...

Had one blue and one brown eye.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

A Flashback

A pleasant flashback: I can remember walking down the hall of my school and this crazy good smell just permeated everything. It was a floral scent and was just the greatest smell ever and it made the girls hair so soft. The girl who sat in front of me in my math class had hair down to her waist and used this stuff-intoxicating.
I had always assumed it must have been discovered GYHST was proven to cause lab rats to grow in cancer cells or something causing it's discontinuation but, the formula was actually sold to a Philipino Co. and it is still popular there.
A popular culture reference: David Spades character in Dickie Roberts Former Child Star says,"Got any, Gee Yor Dead Rabbit Smells Terrific?"
It's available on E Bay.

Southern Fried Expressions

The best Southern Fried Expressions concern bigger than life,unlikely scenarios, to make the best impression. Say you want to convey something that involves a large number of things:

"You can't swing a dead chicken around over your head without hitting a dozen churches in that town!"

To switch it up a bit sustitute a dead cat for the chicken. "Why does it have to be dead you ask?" "Don't be cruel." I respond.