Murder On The Back Porch

The wasp straight up mortally murdered this wolf spider then dragged the body to its nest to conceal the evidence. "Whether a mighty king or a lowly streetsweeper (or a spider I guess), sooner or later, we all gotta dance with the old grim reaper."

My Keurig Coffee Maker Tried To Kill Me (or at least put my eye out).

Luckily for me and my millions of readers I had turned away before it went off.

Friday's Dispatch

• The remains of LtCMDR Michael "Scott" Speicher have been found and identified in Iraq. His loss occurred on the first night of Desert Storm 1991 when he was shot down in his F18. His recovery happened exactly as I would have guessed and could have predicted: he died during the shoot down and his remains were buried by Bedouins. I'm glad- his loss has been misused and abused by POW/MIA opportunists for the past nearly 20 years.
• Anyway, this won't be the last you'll hear of his story but, I hope the recovery of his remains will help the family.
• His best friend in life married his widow- that is a very honorable, peaceful and perfect thought to me for some reason.
• I know a very bad, evil person who is dying right now and I'm a little bothered by the fact that his impending death doesn't bother me at all. I'm tempted to feel some satisfaction at the thought of him burning in hell forever but, can't even say that's true- I feel nothing but, maybe some hope of relief for some women whose healing can have a chance. A whole lot of people are going to have feelings they don't quite know what to do with when he dies- both victims and enablers (I hate that word too but, it's apropos).
• We had to be around that person somewhat when our children were little. I cornered that monster once and while literally breathing down his throat said while pointing to my toddler nearby, If you touch that baby I will strangle the life out of you. If you so much as speak to him I will kill you. I mean, I will choke you until you die. I - will - kill - you. Do you understand me? Tell me you understand."
• Oh, yes I did.
• Took 2 nephews who had never met to the Gainesville Zoo this weekend. It was about 3 in the afternoon when we got there so I don't remember a lot about the trip except the sound of my pulse throbbing in my ear. Good grief, what was I thinking? 97 degrees and 59% humidity.
• No not a duplicate post if you remember me saying the same thing about a month ago- I really did it twice. The first time it was me and Zac.
• Both nephews went to one of the caretakers and asked to be hosed down.
• When we were about to leave I went into the restroom and there caught up with both of the older boys who were sitting on the floor under the hand dryers with their shirts open allowing the air to blow in. They said, Look uncle Kevin we're cooling off!
• Without missing a beat I looked over my shoulder and said, Who are you kids and how do you know my name?
• I saw a capybara fart in the capybara pool. I mean epically fart- a big bubba-aloop of bubbles that startled the one who cut it and made him turn around and look where it bubbled up from.
• The other capys didn't seem to mind.

Thursday's Thoughts

• Through a website that lists thousands of headstones in Texas I saw my dad's headstone for the first time in a long time. It was weird to see the hand of someone I don't even know holding back the weeds to take a picture.
• I also saw the headstone of someone I know to be dead with the date of death still blank.
• It also led me to a census from 1930, it listed the father of my best friend as 12 years old at the time. He killed himself in his sixties (I believe that's right) by shooting himself in the head in his front yard. I remember being pulled out of class to be with him after his dad died.
• The same boy came and picked me up from school when my dad died.
• I had an uncle who after my grandfather died if someone put flowers on his grave he would pull them out and throw them over the fence.
• He's dead now.
• My favorite grandfather was actually a step grandfather. He was known as a simpleton around his town and got by doing odd jobs. He loved us kids and we loved him back and were fiercely defensive of him. His name was Paul and that is what the older people called him. I always said Pa and thought that was what he was being called by everyone.
• He walked a lot and would pick up little discarded toys and all kinds of junk (I remember several calibers of bullets) and would put them in a shoe box and give them to us when we came to see him.
• He called them play pretties.
• They lived in a tar paper shack.
• I wonder about the nature of graveyards. It seems they inevitably become overgrown as families age and die off. Often a highway or reservoir comes and covers them and they aren't always relocated. The person isn't there, they are gone forever but, I guess it is a good way to feel connected if it's available for future generations to visit.
• I'm going to take my kids out this weekend and tend to my families graves.
• I wonder how many people will come to my funeral?
• The rumor was at my dads funeral there were several women who didn't belong to the family and weren't friends of the family who carried on and acted way upset for people unknown to the family.
• Supposedly, there were also a lot of phone numbers of women in his wallet.
• I like that kind of stuff in a sly, dark kind of way.
• My dad died in 1979.
• It seems like it could have been yesterday. It seems like it could have been a hundred years ago.

Tired Hospice Nurse Pre Bedal Post

Understanding more as time goes on the old adage A Good Death and while every persons is different and personal I'm including family response in that idea more often. A relaxed, comfortable, pain free death in your 80s with three generations at your bedside reassuring you and each other- offering words of love and encouragement. All believing the person will soon be reunited with a spouse of 60+ years who waits for them in heaven.

Thanks for spending your last few hours with me now I'll sleep and have more time with my family since you left before my relief.

You had A Good Death- if there is one.

Sometimes when I come in early from a case Zac hears me, awakens and puts on a whiney boy sound and says something like,"Daddy, here- I needs shoo now."

I say,"I needs you shoo!" and we watch a movie or play.

I may go knock some stuff around and make a racket so we can watch Pinky And The Brain.

Mondays Missives

• A lot of people who have been comatose open their eyes as they die. The first thing you think when you see it happen is what do they see? If they are looking at a blank wall I step into their field of view with a kind/warm expression and smile at them and tell them they will be OK and then back away. If looking toward a window or family portraits etc. I leave it at that.



• A 100 years from now people will be wearing Polo and Henley shirts.



• It made no sense in the 50s and 60s when the designers of the day would roll out ridiculous looking dress made of plastics. Styles may come and go (and come back even) but, a human wrapped in plastic will always be a bad idea.



• Things aren't often as they seem nor do they turn out the way we envision they will.



• Someone recently told me I would look good in a pink polo shirt. I think pink shirts for guys may be the white devils lie but, I guess I'll keep an open mind. I think women should wear pink though.



• The patient I mentioned in the past who played golf into her 80s looked at me like I was an imbecile and said,"You better start." when I told her I never played.



• Recently a nurse from another agency made a very overt sexual advance toward me- kind of freaked me out at first then made me feel good.



• It usually starts with them rubbing my bald head...

Fridays Dispatch

• A prediction: In our lifetimes wars will be fought over drinking water rights-in our hemisphere (as in Mexico). It will start as more or less riots then it will become a civil war.
• This will shock us and get our attention more than the wars there'll be over water in Africa and the Middle East.
• We'll still feel insulated because it's over there
• My baby boy just got back from the doc. The place on his head is just a hemangioma- a birthmark that arises after birth. It has it's own blood supply so when he scratches it off, his bed looks like a crime scene photo from one of those tawdry old, true crime magazines.
  
• He only scratches it off in his sleep.
• Saw a Ribbon Snake in the yard while watering Wednesday. I tried to catch him to relocate him to some place safer-he failed to see the humor and bit at me ( he was too small to really get me) like a rabid Cobra.
• I have no idea how many times I've been bitten by snakes.
• Last weekend my house was full of life during a shower for a girl pregnant with twins-a boy and a girl. The boy died the other night in the womb. The mom said,"Save Zac for my girl, she'll need a good boy to protect her, he's beautiful and smart and I only hear good things about him.
• A boat of any real size laid up on dry land catches my interest, a huge ship fascinates me,wonder why?
• Justin Timberlakes solo stuff is amazing. I may gush over it partially because I'm surprised at just how good it is but, it's mostly because it is that awesome.
• Another prediction: 30 years from now he'll be constantly compared to Frank Sinatra.