Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Wednesday's Digressions

  • A supervisor occasionally uses my office after I leave for the day when she does the evening clinic. There is a practical purpose as it is closer to the front of the building but sometimes I think she does it (on Friday's anyway) to remind me she stays when the rest of us leave. Monday is the only day my computer ever shows she is still logged onto my machine and I have to switch users.
  • Everything is a mind game.
  • As a bonus- the aforementioned person sends us inane work related emails at 11:00 O'clock at night.
  • My vision is ridiculously blurry as I write this on 01/30/2017 at 0713.24.
  • My brother in law is hilarious.
  • I have started season 3 of Game Of Thrones and season 1 of Soap. Season 3 of GOT is ridiculously good and Soap is off to a slow start.
  • An old friend of mine thought Katherine Helmond who played Jessica on Soap was hot- as in when she would enter the scene for the first time he would have to say, Ohmygawd- she is sooo hot!
  • Although I do not know who I thought did it- I was surprised when recently I heard it said on the radio that Blue Oyster Cult was the band that performed Godzilla.
  • "I am offensive and I find this Japanese"- a comment for that video that made me chuckle a little.
  • The job I am presently working is the first ever that I hate but cannot leave. I keep a picture of Zac up on my monitor to remind me why I cannot leave.
  • Once a year or so I have a dream where I am walking down the street in what looks like New York City. My face and the faces of the people I pass are blurry. Everything looks 1970s. The stares of people as I go by make me feel self conscious. As I enter a building there is a mirror which allows me to see everything but my face. My body is squat and I have hairy arms. as I walk into my office I say to my secretary, It is happening again- everybody thinks I am Ed Asner. A drink is poured for me and I shuffle some papers around as I sip it absentmindedly. Suddenly, I jump up cursing and say, I am not Ed Asner! then I jump out the window. I scream and cry and flail and  try to fly back to the window as I fall. It is incredibly realistic. My heart will be beating out of my chest and I will be in a cold sweat when I awaken.
  • In case you are wondering- no, I am not Ed Asner.

Monday, April 24, 2017

Monday's Missives

Kim Davis memes

  • Speaking of eating garbage: The kids are playing at McDonald's and I'm working on a coffee. 
  • Overheard at the next table- She going to represent herself or have a court appointed attorney?
  • There is a Mexican girl dressed for church  Mass sitting near me with an absolutely epic unibrow.
  • Kayaking is a big deal these days. At Acadamy last night 2 were sold while I browsed and a third was already on hold. Give it a few months and you make a good deal on a barely never used kayak.
  • Yesterday (today is 04/07/2016) I passed a guy  driving a mini van who was wearing an oven mitt on his right hand.
  • I finished Ex Machina last night. Verdict: Very good- in  a way not a lot of very good movies are made these days.
  • I just ate 2 sausage rolls and 3 chocolate eclairs. For some reason I feel sick.
  • Yesterday both my morning and my evening drive time shows were talking about Merle Haggard and this morning we learned that he died. They killed him.
  • When I was stationed in Germany my family sent me a best hits Merle album. Only years later did I see the personalized notes my family wrote on the inner paper sleeve. That was 31 years ago- I still have the album.

Friday, April 21, 2017

Friday's Dispatch

  • While not my favorite bird the tawny frogmouth carries my favorite bird name. Just say it a few times- it feels good.
  • It would be nice to see Prairie Home companion live once before Garrison Keillor dies.
  • Recently I looked up a long ago ex girlfriend. No- here is where it actually gets weird. Associated with that search were results from my ex wife's step-grandfather's obit. I was not even listed in the obit as our marriage had met its demise many long years before he died. The ex girlfriend and ex wife's lives were not entwined in any way- not even through school, business or church etc. How/why did the teh Internets recognize that we were all associated? What manner of witchery was involved in that algorythmical process?

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Wednesday's Digressions


  • Ding a ling, mocus, ooky, grody and sickie: all terms I have heard used in nursing. It is all very technical but I'll explain. Ding a ling is a mans reproductive organ. Mocus is a both a play on mucous and Spanish slang. Ooky mean gross. Grody mean gross and you can guess what sickie means because you're smart and good looking.
  • This morning 05/09/2015 there was a family of giants sitting next to me in IHOP.
  • On the way home I saw two giant fat people on a scooter. He was wearing a leather hat and she a pink string top. It was hilarious. No, I'm not being mean- I harbor no ill will toward them. It is just that two hugely fat people riding a scooter together is funny- it will always be funny.
  • It rained like mad this morning and then cleared to beautiful sunny skies.
  • Nice
  • Tennessee Williams died by choking on a bottle cap. That blows my mind for some reason.
  • To be filed under holy smokes I thought I knew how bad it was: 5000 workers died during the construction of the Panama Canal.

Monday, April 17, 2017

Monday's Missives

    Windows can't even

  • Recently (today is 02/08/2016) I had determined to buy a particular piece of outdoor equipment that listed for 120 bucks. As I was about to log onto my REI account to order it I took note of a similar product that was 30 dollars. It wasn't my favorite color (read- it didn't look as cool as the first product) and lacked a feature or 2 the other had but it was one fourth the cost and would do the job 93-98% as well as the more expensive product. It had me buffaloed. I still have not ordered either.
  • Update (02/16/2016) so I went back to look at the object of my consternation. The 30 dollar one was no longer listed- at all. Assuming it was sold out but wanting to think the purchase over I went back later to reconsider the more expensive product. What was the first thing I saw? The 30 dollar product was then listed for 69.95...
  • A person we knew as aunt when I was a kid has died. She was one of the few remaining links to my childhood. Her name was Daisy. I called her Daisy Duke or Daisy Waisy which made her laugh. When I visited her a few years ago in a hospital and then later a nursing home she would tell staff I was her boyfriend. She was hilarious and awesome. Road trips to her house in East Texas were a big deal when I was a kid and came as often as not from me and my sister wearing our parents down with begging to go as being their idea. In the yard of my ancestral home there are still multiple 20 foot tall evergreen trees my mom mucked from East Texas and carried back to Decatur in Coors cans that had the tops cut off by my dad.
  • Someone I know is being asked to be involved in a wrongful termination/whistleblower lawsuit. Said someone has asked my opinion. My well reasoned and articulate response was, Avoid that like the plague. She is going down and wants to take you with her. She wasn't smart enough to consider the consequences for herself when she got fired and doesn't care at all what this would do to you.
  • Trust me; I'm almost a lawyer.
  • Recently I met somebody whose husband died 8 years after an IED blast near his head caused him to start having severe seizures. He had 5 children.
  • Occasionally I still have a dream where I am suddenly transported to my Humvee in Iraq. It is dark except for the ghostly glow of the dash lights. As I look over at Blake my driver I know he is going to die. He looks ghastly. Every time I glance back at him he decays a bit more. He asks me for a dip and I oblige by handing off my can of Copenhagen. There ain't enough for both of us sarge! he says. I'm good man, save enough to freshen up my dip and I'll be good. I reply. He hands the can back to me and without saying a word he smiles through shattered and missing teeth. His face is shredded. I take a dip to add to that already in my mouth. It tastes good but also oddly salty with a bit of dirt flavor. I glance back over and see him starting to slightly slump to the side. I know I am killing him by trying to savor this moment. While looking down to my map (which I can't really see) the Humvee whines and kicks as it shifts. The terrain to my right looks like the surface of the moon as moonlight lights the desert floor. Tears start streaming down my face. I don't want this moment to ever end. I don't want this moment to go on another second.
  • Then I awaken.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Thursday, April 6, 2017

20 Reasons Sharks Are Better Than Cats

1. There is no LOL Sharks meme.
2. Cats, the musical.
3. If you throw a cat in the ocean, which we do not explicitly advocate, a shark will eat it (if it is around and notices).
4. Every Bond villain worth his salt has a shark-filled aquarium (sure they have a cat too but it doesn’t intimidate anyone).
5. People sometimes back over cats in their cars while in a rush to get to work. The world’s largest fish is the whale shark and you couldn’t back over it unless you had a decent-sized yacht.
6. Early explorers braved falling off the edge of the world, malaria, and the unholy trifecta of rum, sodomy and the lash, but were deathly afraid of sharks.
7. Cats are creepy. People who claim cats aren’t creepy are creepy.
8. No cat movie has inspired a line as memorable as ‘We’re gonna need a bigger boat’.
9. The guy with an eye patch hustling you out of last week’s paycheck is a ‘pool shark‘, for which there is no feline equivalent. If you’re in tough financial straits, you visit a ‘loan shark’ so you don’t have to eat cat food.
10. A cat couldn’t eat Samuel L. Jackson (unless it was his pet and he was left dead in a locked apartment for some time… which is highly unlikely given that he’s a celebrity. We digress…).
11. Sharks taste good in a soup or sandwich; cats require too much sauce.
12. A cat will annoy you by clawing up furniture. A shark will spare you years of such petty annoyances with a fatal mauling.
13. Most sharks can live 30 years or more. Nobody has a 30-year old cat that hasn’t been taxidermied or the subject of some kind of lab mutation.
14. No tabby has ever sent a beach full of bikini-clad beauties sprinting for the shore.
15. The worst a cat could have done to Ahab is give him fleas.
16. Jobshark is a website for people with career ambition, so named because sharks move constantly. Cats sit by the windowsill for 7 hours at a time.
17. Without the phrase “jumped the shark“, it would be difficult to explain this season of Entourage.
18. Dolphins are thought to be the most intelligent creatures of the deep, but sharks eat dolphins. Who’s the genius now lunch boy?
19. No one has ever purchased a baby shark because it was so adorable in the pet store only to regret the decision later on in life when it became a hissing fatbody whose constant shedding ruins your dark clothes.
20. Even if we had a tale about some drunk offing Cuddles, the Cat Fanciers’ magazine centerfold, we would not have included it in the title of our book, “The Man Who Scared a Shark to Death and Other True Tales of Drunken Debauchery”

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

I Could Get In A Lot of Trouble With This Rig

"1947 Chevrolet COE Cabover Pickup: A real Jeepers Creepers “Special”!! 350 V-8 engine, Turbo 350 Automatic Transmission, 4X4 rearend with Hummer H1 Wheels (Run Flat Tires!). This Cabover will cruise at 70 mph down the highway, runs and drives great, and always starts the first time! It also has a super cool flame thrower setup, that uses propane gas, and will throw 12 foot flames out the back!! Great for the next car show, or simply lighting your kids fireworks! It has a clear 1947 title. "

Thursday, March 30, 2017

A Bridge Too Far

  • Over the past couple of nights (today is 01/29/2016) I have been watching A Bridge Too Far which along with The Longest Day are among the first war movies I ever watched. I watched them with my dad who was a veteran of WWII- the Big One as Archie Bunker would say.
  • John Ratzenberger played Lt. James Megallas who lives in Collyeville TX. I oddly didn't remember Ratzenberger being in the movie at all until a buddy in my National Guard unit mentioned it; probably around 1995. He said something about it and hardly anybody else recalled it either until he acted out the part and described the scene- then we all could recall his role plain as day. Odd. As the conversation progressed he mentioned his favorite scene being the old demented lady hailing the imaginary taxi. Roger took his hat off to act as a hankie and waving it he called out in a falsetto old lady voice, Taxi!... Taxi! Then he made machinegun sound effects and spun around dramatically and fell to the ground dead.
  • Hilarious.
  • He had huge testicles. No, I don't mean he was brave- he was known in our unit for having a huge, dangly sac.
  • As a boy I bought a copy of Cornelius Ryan's ABTF from an old salvage store on the West Side of Bridgeport that specialised in books. My dad would buy smut there and I would buy comics, joke books and war books.
  • Ryan O'Neal was ridiculously good looking back then.
  • There were lots of explosions- did Michael Bay go back in time to direct that movie?
  • Gene Hackman was a retarded choice for Major General Sosabowski.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Wednesday's Digressions

  • A bad person recently made a joke about Trump's youngest son being, "The world first home school shooter." For a joke to be effective it has to make some sense and ideally should not be too cruel and definitely not directed toward a 10 year old boy. The deal is this- that person had been sitting on that joke a while and it just had to burst out. They could not help themselves. He or she also presumed everybody in the world hated Trump so bad- that their hate would also extend to a 10 year old kid.
  • Bonus related thought: I could not tell you the jokesters name nor position in this world if my life depended on it but not only would they be a household name if the joke was directed towards President Obama's child; they would be unemployed and their home burned down by now. For that matter they probably would have already been driven to kill themselves. Be honest- you know it is true.
  • It is time for me to start looking for a new job.
  • We stopped at Goodwill near TCU yesterday (today is 02/13/2017) in the hopes of finding some sweet books as it so close to the university. I struck out hard. There was literally nothing there worth taking home. That was very surprising and disappointing.
  • I bet Leonardo DiCaprio is a heck of a good guy.
  • Over the weekend I had a very realistic (and lame) dream about being in the war in Iraq. After jumping up and down to check my gear for rattles I heard something rattling on my oddly old school load bearing equipment and looking down saw a bottle of allergy medicine rubber banded to one of the suspenders. As I fiddled with it to take it off, the dry rotted rubber band broke causing me to feel real upset. Then somebody called to load up in the trucks so I trundled off toward them so upset at the broken rubber band I wanted to cry.
  • That was it- I warned you it was lame.
  • In my life women have always helped and hurt me out of bounds to what they should have been able to do either.
  • Does anybody eat French dressing anymore?
  • Lets Go!

Monday, March 20, 2017

Monday's Missives


  • Seeking a Friend For The End Of The World is a sweet and very good movie.
  • When I see a book book by Stacy Schiff or see her name in print somewhere for some reason I think of Nora Ephron. I say,"some reason" because I presume there is one- although I have no idea why I make that seemingly odd connection.
  • You can look it up if you want but sex offender registries do not work as intended and are counterproductive in multiple ways. Those are 2 facts related to that issue I presumed intuitively when I first of heard of the idea years ago and I would still be shocked to learn those registries help in any demonstrable way.
  • My coffee cup is positioned on my chest as I write this lying in bed. It was nice at first as I could smell it but due to adaptation that effect is gone- but at least it is very handy.
  • Ads for Dick's Sporting Goods have started randomly appearing in my mailbox.
  • Saturday night (today is 12/19/2016) we camped at Mineral Wells State Park. My truck thermometer- which is usually pretty close (+/-3 degrees) to actual temps said it was 11 degrees Sunday morning. During the day Sunday when we got home it was hard to get my perceived body temp. regulated. Stepping outside for a minute would have me feeling like I was freezing to death. I would come back in and feel like my skin was on fire, then I would start shivering so I would jump in the tub, then I would start sweating bullets...
  • Sunday I saw an ex girlfriend's profile pic on a dating website. Interestingly, she used a pic she took while we were together- I remember exactly where we were and what we were doing when she took it. So a note to whoever ends up with her- that content, confident, satisfied and happy look she has on her face that made you think you wanted to be a part of her life when you saw her picture? Yeah- that was all because of me.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

I awoke at 2 this morning (today is 05/26/2016) and got up to take a stretch and get a drink of water. After getting the drink I stepped outside to take a look and check on the weather- and take my stretch. In mid stretch somebody said Hey Kev. what are you doing?  It was the lady who lives across and down from me. We chatted  a few minutes before she said, Come down and talk to me.

It was nice. I stayed there for nearly 2 hours while we chatted and had coffee. Toward the end of my time there after stepping back into her house she stopped in front of me as she headed back to her chair and said, How about a hug? Uh, OK I said and I hugged her. She then said while holding a canister out toward me (which I couldn't see before as it was dark), Well, that was nice but I meant one of these. They're  Hershey's Hugs. They are milk chocolate and white chocolate...

Having since  told the story at work I can't go anywhere in the building without someone saying, Does somebody need a hug?

Also hilarious- Now, I randomly throw open an office door, stick my head in and say, Does anybody in here need a hug?

During the telling a person known for being for lack of a better term, obnoxious has interrupted me telling the story on 3 separate occasions. There is not a chance those interruptions are coincidental. She couldn't stand to see people laughing and having a good time while she is so miserable.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

This Portable Toilet's Logo

made me think of the Warner Brothers logo.

Monday, March 13, 2017

Monday's Missives

  • Somebody at work recently tried to hurt me- as she was walking out the door to a new job. I did not have it coming to me as what she said to try and hurt me was a lie but she did not have to do it at all as again, she was walking out the door- to another job.
  • She has issues.
  • Edit: Today (01/23/2017) I bumped into the aforementioned back stabber. Did she have the respect for herself or me to act like she did not see me or at least- flip me off to my face? Nope, she lit her smoking  hot mug up and rubbed on my back when we spoke like I was her one, true long lost love.
  • What is wrong with people?!
  • To try and save money I quit buying coffee for the house and told myself if I really wanted a cup I could stop by McDonald's or Jack In The Crack every once in a while. Consequently, I have spent a small fortune on drive through coffee in the past month or two.
  • The new truck/boat/motorcycle fever has been burning hotly in my brain for months now.
  • I like the name Nestor and always have.
  • 3- the number of friends/friendly acquaintances I have had in my life named Larry Smith.
  • My neighbor always has to start his loud diesel truck and let it warm up for 30 minutes to an hour before leaving for work at a job which is maybe 1/2 a mile away. It has to use more fuel in a week warming up than actually driving.
  • No wonder the terrorists hate us.
  • Man I miss my kids like crazy today.
  • I guess I thought we would all always be together- now I do not know the last time we were all in a room together
  • My children's great grandmother died while speaking to my eldest son as he held her hand.

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Thursday's Thoughts

  • At work a bit between myself and our old doctor was when he was asked a question by a nurse he would reply to the effect, Well, allow me to confer with my colleague... and turning to me he would say, Doctor Kevin- what would you do in a case this? I would make my reply resulting in him rapping his knuckles on his desk and telling whoever asked the question, I concur with my colleague. Make it so...
  • A weird loosely connected thought- another physician and I were bustin' each others bawlz one day between patients. A female nurse whom he does not get along with and who also doesn't really get how the world works approached me later and said something like, I saw the way he was talking to you. I get it. I have trouble dealing with him too. It is hard sometimes... It took me a minute to process what she even meant. She just did not get it.
  • A Perfect Circle's cover of Imagine is terrible.
  • My ex GF sent me an email this morning (02/28/2017) asking if it was me she saw as I drove by her place on the way to work. It was  nice to hear from her. That is until a program at Pro Flowers and Kendra Scott took note of our interaction and started sending me spam.
  • This morning I listened to Deftones and Marilyn Manson back to back and for hours on end.
  • My nursing buddy whom I know to have long ago had a falling out with another mutual nursing buddy could not even remember why she hated the other nurse when the subject came up this morning- but she still hates her just the same.
  • Oreo McFlurrys are great.
  • Although I cannot remember what it was for (baseball, soccer or karate?) I once gave my ex wife a blank check for her to use during the registration process. It was seen as the craziest thing my co workers had ever heard. It was just practical as far as I was concerned and you know- if we cannot trust each other with something like that at this point in our lives- it would not matter what we did or did not do- we would be doomed to failure raising our children.
  • Life pro tip: if at all possible when providing for your children always use a check or electronic transfer tagged CS (for child support). It may never matter but if/when it does it will be a big deal and you will thank your past you for watching out for future you.
  • A ground war in Syria would be a huge, massive mistake.

One Of My Personal Phobias:

I have a fear that as I lean back in a chair that I'll not be hurt by accidentally falling over backwards as mom always warned- I'll be killed by the chair breaking and the resulting disintegration will result in a huge splinter shivving me in a kidney- the right kidney to be exact.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Wisdom Of A Chupacabra

If you don't carry something worthwhile to read while using the bathroom, you'll flush away a college degree away over a lifetime.

President Trumps Is Working Tirelessly And Without Ceasing- Literally Night And Day To Insure That Without A Doubt...

President Obama is remembered as the greatest living former President.

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Monday, March 6, 2017

Monday's Missives

  • War Is Boring has a pretty interesting story here about the efforts to arm American helicopters during the Vietnam war. An old platoon sergeant told me about some ad hoc weaponizations his unit made while he was there. I know at one point he was with 173rd Airborne but he did 2-3 tours with different units so I don't know who he was with at the time of the weapons experiments. He told us (among other efforts) about hanging a .50 cal. off of a UHI. He said it would knock the radios out and the vibration would break radio mounts loose- as in physically crack the bulkhead behind the mounts. The rate of fire was too slow and recoil too violent to get rounds on target. There was also an issue I do not recall with the pilots- did the vibration blur their vision or give them headaches...? The funniest thing was that in spite of how worthless the exercise was- you could tell he totally thought it was cool.
  • On Tarawa during WWII US Marines only captured 7 Japanese troops.
  • The number of vehicles parked at the sex shop that is on my way home over the past few weeks has blown up from just a few to often as many as 20. Do whatever you want dudes-  I mean literally- it is your business but random dudes having random sex with random dudes will always be incredibly dangerous.
  • Funny though are are the vehicles parked at the corner of the strip club lot adjacent to the sex shop or the ones who park on the side of the access road down from the shop and pop their hoods like the car is broke down. Yeah- you got everybody fooled buddy!
  • Pop came out poop up there first.
  • Today (12/27/2016) I really really did not want to go back to work.
  • Interesting war pron featuring Pesh and Iraqi forces taking on multiple suicide vehicle borne IEDs- or SVBIEDs

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Wednesday's Digressions

  • Until sort of recently I had a female friend who is literally beautiful. Man, she is movie star gorgeous and I am not even kidding. As a bonus, I know she  would be interested in me but I would take a pass based on one minor for lack of a better term- physical imperfection. Honestly, if you were my real friend instead of internet friend and I told you why and what bothered me about her and why she and I were not planning a wedding by now and for that matter- why I was not already carrying her baby in my womb- you would smack me upside the head to try and slap some sense into me and for days afterward you would just give me weird looks and shake your head.
  • Sorry- I don't make the rules and I did not make me- I just report the facts.
  • I won't show you but I have a picture of us together. She is beautiful and we even look good together but gag- what a freak show she was.
  • Dol Gen brand coffee is pretty OK for the price.
  • On 04/26/2015 I wrote in my notebook," Today I had chicken and waffles for the first time ever. The are good together in the way sweet and salty things are good together but they are not chocolate and peanut butter good together."
  • Chocolate and peanut butter together is one of things things if you took it and all memory of it away this very instant- within 24 hours somebody would stumble across the combination and change the world forever.
  • Do you like cordial cherries? I do and always have. When I was a kid I could eat them until sick.
  • When I was a young lad serving in the US Army's fabled  First Cavalry Division there was a guy named Seaboldt and one name Rainboldt in my company's mortar platoon. I did not know any of the other mortarmen in my company but them. Rainboldt was a very good friend and I disliked Seaboldt. 
  • To me as I write this (on 02/17/2017) the most interesting thing about Russia's likely tampering with our last election is how it caught us with our pants down. I promise you politicians and our official thinkers laid awake at night thinking about ways to keep Russia from hacking intel., how to keep the war in Ukraine contained, how to prevent a hostile interaction between our navy's in contested waters etc. but there was never a time time the smartest guy in the room said, Hey, how do we keep them from interfering with our elections...? or if he ever did stand up and say something like that he was not taken seriously.
  • Amen

Monday, February 27, 2017

Monday's Missives

  • FG is done with me for good.  I miss her like I never missed anybody- even the ex wife (where I more missed the marriage/family than her anyway). She was a friend, an amazing lover and fellow explorer (FG- not ex wife). We literally climbed mountains together. She made things I knew and loved before her better and made me want to see new things. It is a time worn expression but she made me want to be a better person.
  • Suicide Squad is a great movie with fantastic music. If Leto had not been hyped soooo much as Joker before the movies release- he would have stolen the show. Even Will Smith who I do not care much for was excellent.
  • My tablet will show the battery is fully charged. It will work for about 15 minutes then it will without warning- die.
  • I scored on a stack of movies at the pawn shop yesterday- 8 movies for under 12 buck. Among my finds was 12 Monkeys- a great film. It is a shame I did not pick up more but the covers were all taped shut so I was a bit leery- but they are all like new. When DVDs were more valuable, pawn shops would buff  minor scratches out with rouge and a polish wheel but I do not know if that happens anymore. Anyway- I can always go back with Zac to teach him how to navigate life's seedy underbelly.
  • Cinch clothing is among the most high quality you can buy. In my closet are jeans and shirts which have been worn frequently (if not hard) for 20 years.
  • As I write this sitting by the pool the sound of the fountain is about to knock me out. Honestly, I am tempted to just turn over and doze off.
  • People- even authors who should know better, are using commas these days where they should use semi colons or dashes.
  • Today (12/28/2016) Zac informed his mother he wanted a microscope as in his words, I think it is time I began exploring my world at the molecular level...
  • Songs to kill the mood.

Monday, February 20, 2017

Monday's Missives

    Image result for memes dwight shrute

  • Recently (today is 08/31/2016) I read a Cracked post about how there are no conclusive studies proving  flossing does your teef and/or pie hole any good. It was well cited although I did not check the source material. There are multiple problems with believing flossing does not help. You can take the practice to heart or leave it behind but know that not flossing (and really not taking good care of your pie hole in general) is one of the most destructive things you can do to your health.
  • The other day (today is 11/17/2016)  I saw a new Titan Cummins diesel truck. It was as ugly as a mud fence. Nissan will sort it out soon (I hope) but phew.
  • Nobody comments here anymore although recently traffic was higher than previous months.
  • Today is 12/08/2016 and the first news report I heard this AM was that Trumps had appointed the co founder of WWE to head the Small Business Administration. Some jokes write themselves.
  • Speaking of jokes- the thud you heard when it was announced he won was all the stand ups and political commentators  in the world falling to their knees to thank God.
  • My first thought when I heard was, Wow, I need to get to DC and tour the White House before they cover everything in 24 karat gold leaf and crushed red velvet and plaster giant paintings of him all over the walls.
  • Recently Zac was in a Christmas play. He forgot some of his lines. My heart reached out to him so hard I thought I was going to have a panic attack. On balance, he did really well but- man those were some tense moments.
  • The District Attorney of Sevier County who will prosecute the case against the Gatlinburg arsonists looks and sounds like a caricaturization of Tennessee prosecutor.
  • It is pronounced, Severe.
  • Today (12/16/2016) we had our Xmas party at work. The main course was burritos. Females from my hall  and females from the other hall spent the ensuing hours passing each other going to destroy the toilets on the other side of the building. They do not want anybody else to know they poop and their doo-doo stinks.
  • USS Arizona

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Wednesday's Digressions

  • It is 0735 on 02/02/2017 and a hiccup just caused me to partially inhale a toothpick. Whoa that was scary. That would have been a stupid way to die.
  • And yes- honestly, it was mildly terrifying when that happened.
  • Man- what a stupid way to die that would have been.
  • Gotta love that lifesaving cough reflex though- amiright?!
  • Soap is getting better. I think I am on episode 42
  • This past weekend I accidentally picked up book #12 instead of 11 of The Walking Dead. It was always pretty good so I am not making a dig by saying- it didn't get really good until about book #10.
  • This morning (02/06/2017) I had a dream a girlfriend had a baby. We were walking around in Diamond supermarket in Decatur. At one point I said, Here, let me hold her. She was warm and soft and cooed like a dove. It felt good.
  • My scrubs stay in the closet by the front door. I walk around in my chonies (or nekkid) until time for work then I slip the scrubs on when I am on my way out the door. It is one of those things- I cannot tell you why I do it but it makes sense and I am very unlikely to change.
  • Recently I learned an old Army buddy died several years ago. The last thing he ever said to me was something like, Well, so long. I'm sure we'll see each other around sometime, somewhere. but we did not see each other around some time. I have an outline written to tell some of our stories. You will not believe me when you read them though.
  • Interestingly- I never saw him again after we parted ways at Fort Hood but I met his parents and was a guest in their home.
  • This morning (02/08/2017) as I walked down to my truck I started singing Way Down We Go by Kaleo. When I got in and turned on my sweet, sweet Alpine stereo that song started playing on 97.1.

Monday, February 13, 2017

Monday's Missives

  • Recently (today is 12/08/2016) while watching some war pron about the siege of Aleppo I thought, Right about then is when I would have a headache, backache and my feet would be hurting... That is how you know you are getting old. Ten years ago I would have daydreamed about getting into the same fight with those guys. Today I know were I there right now- I would want a pain pill, a nice cup of hot chocolate and a nap.
  • There was another dead person on the road on I30 on my way to work recently. They were I think within 100 feet of the last I saw but I do not know if there is low income housing on one side or the other or if it was a coincidence or what. I have never seen anyone cross near there.
  • Yesterday I saw 2 guys pulled over by DPS. Approximately a quarter of a mile down the road there was an Chevy Avalanche pulled well off the road with it's flashers on. It had impossibly dark tinted windows. Although it was different types of vehicles the 2 other times- this is the third time I have seen this happen on 30- no way it was a coincidence. I can guess the Avalanche driver set the drivers of the pick up for some type of drug buy and that is where the bust went down man.
  • Yesterday (today is 12/15/2016) a supervisor who is actually from another department sought my input about the use of and placement of some new equipment. It was an impromptu heads up- not an an official meeting of the minds. He happens to be a guy. Although I do not remember exactly what I was saying it involved (legitimately) the insertion of the tip of a piece of equipment into another. I said, So yeah, I needed to put the tip of it in there- just the tip... Whereupon he started grinning like a possum eating a dead cat. Seeing this I hammed it up and said, Oh yeaaaah- baby let me put the tip in- just the tip. Come on baby- I love you... We both burst out laughing. I had to dive into an empty office to compose myself. When I stepped back out he was was leaning against the wall. His papers were lying on the floor where they had fallen and tears were streaming down his face.
  • 85- our combined ages. 300- number of college credit hours we likely have between us.

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Morticia or Lilly as Most Awesome Queen Of The Darkside? There was nothing wrong with Lilly but, I think most any guy of my generation would choose Morticia plus she was born in Amarillo and there's just something about Texas women right? Also, she didn't need all the make up to come across a little creepy but, still beautiful.

Here's what Charles Addams the creator of The Addams Family had to say about Morticia:

The real head of the family…low-voiced, incisive and subtle, smiles are rare…ruined beauty…contemptuous and original and with fierce family loyalty…even in disposition, muted, witty, sometimes deadly…given to low-keyed rhapsodies about her garden of deadly nightshade, henbane and dwarf’s hair…

She once told her sister she wanted her epitaph to be: "She gave joy to the world", well said and well played dear lady. Carolyn Jones was taken from us too soon in 1983 at age 53.

When I'm Rich

I'll have pet dingoes. Then I can ask chicks, Do you want to pet my dingo?

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Wednesday's Digressions

Nice guys like you
What most women I have ever met have said.

  • This morning (today is 01/24/2017) I drove past a scene involving 3-4 fort Worth PD cars and a vehicle stopped on the shoulder of I30. I did not see them until I well past in spite of them all having their emergency lights on. That is either some super focused driving I was doing or I was in my own little world and a definite danger to myself and others.
  • Last night (today is 01/25/2017) I watched a bunch of Shirley Temple shorts and a movie. They were on a compilation DVD I have owned for years but never watched.  Have you ever watched Baby Burlesks (or any of the other titles in that same vein?). They are disturbing. The weird thing is- aside from one movie of hers (I think it was titled The Little Colonel or something like that) I had never seen any of her movies. Anyway- unnerving.
  • On my drive in this morning there was a UPS truck driving like a maniac while towing a double trailer.
  • Trump did not quite win the political lottery that Bill Clinton won with the explosion of internet commerce and the end of the Cold War but more businesses were inevitably going to stay in the US anyway (or even return from overseas) due to the cost of Chinese labor and shipping increasing- so he is going to look super good at creating jobs.
  • Related fact: He will also just by force of his personality bring businesses back and get others to stay- that is how human interactions work (even large human enterprises like economies). Bonus information: tax breaks and easing of regulations will actually and hugely contribute to the growth of jobs, although the average person will not know that unless they read Drudge or listen to conservative talk radio.
  • Bait Car is a guilty pleasure for me.
  • Night before last (today is 01/27/2017) I was watching a movie when I overheard a kind of intense knocking on my door. It was well past 11 O'clock. Being as I am no longer 19 years old and I do not have a steady girlfriend- it is very out of the ordinary for somebody to be knocking on my door that late at night. When I went to see who it was I could not see a thing through the peephole as the porch light was burned out. After retrieving my pistola I went to the balcony and looked around to the front porch- it was a recent ex girlfriend looking for a booty call. Here is the question; what would you do in a case like that? No- I don't mean the booty call issue. I think you can handle that as you are smart and good looking. Would you just lie there in bed and wonder who and why? Would you throw the door open while unarmed and hope the person on the other side is not the Hillside Strangler? Preemptively start punching 5.56 caliber holes through the door with your Bushmaster? Or?

Monday, February 6, 2017

Monday's Missives

  • A couple of times a week I see the same Corvette in traffic on my way to work. He drives like a maniac.
  • At work one of my nursing buddies and I hold hands sometimes as we chat or see each other walking in or out of the building. There is nothing to it- it is just nice.
  • Years ago there was  an elderly lady who burned herself with some McDonald's coffee. The resulting lawsuit and consequent multimillion dollar award was used to prove everything that was wrong with American society and how out of control and irresponsible we were. She shouldn't have put that cup between her legs to pop the lid off; doing so was the dumbest thing she did that day but there is more than meets the eye in that case. Did you know that first all she wanted was her medical bills to be paid and for McDonald's to turn the heat down just a tad or that she had second and third degree burns requiring skin grafts and that McDonald's was known for their coffee being hotter than national standards and averages? Of course you didn't know all that. You believe what you believe about that case because corporate giants want you to believe it (so you will be less likely to defend yourself and sue like the crazy lady with the burned cooter) and because we are in general terrible processors of information.
  • Addendum to the previous thought: I won't post them but there are images of that women's burns out there on the Internets free for the searching. Be forewarned though- they are ookie.
  • This morning (02/04/2016) as I watched a DVD of Flight of the Conchords the main character's friend Dave mentioned Escape From Alacatraz and on the way to work The Musers were talking about Alcatraz.
  • Random.

Friday, February 3, 2017

Friday's Dispatch

  • During part of my training to deploy we were taught by police officers from multiple agencies how to interact with people. During a use of force scenario the question was posed, What if their hands are up? That is the oldest trick in the book was the answer. We were taught the distance at which you cannot stop a rush without a weapon at the ready (18 feet?) And one with a weapon at the ready (8 feet?) And then we experimented by actually role playing and bum rushing each other. We not only knew what to expect from the scenario- we knew each other well and we simply could not overcome the inertia those close distances brought to the exercise. 
  •  A bonus: we were all more/less equally matched and completely sober. What if a police officer is outmatched by a guy who has a foot of height, the same in reach and outweighs him by a hundred pounds and might be chemically impaired?
  •  My boss is from Alabama. As I write this (01/11/2017) he is still trying to recover from Monday's game. Honestly- I do not even like to tease him about it as the first time time I ribbed him about 'Bama's loss tears welled up in his eyes. 
  •  Last night I rewatched the great movie Gladiator. It is odd to me that I did not remember the very annoying music which played over the opening battle scene. It was so out of place I presumed I had another instance of my video player or music player open and stopped the movie to close the offending noise maker. As a bonus- it sounds like music from Pirates of the Caribbean. . 
  •  I got old somehow.

Monday, January 23, 2017

Thursday's Thoughts

    You heard it first here

  • Today is 01/20/2017- best inauguration speech ever?
  • My Hispanic co workers were gathered around a monitor watching it when I went to the front office. Without missing a beat I said, It was nice to know you. I will miss you guys.
  • Today (01/22/2017) I saw maybe the most pertinent question I have ever read in my life, "Who will test Trump first?"
  • Spoiler: It will be North Korea.
  • The last provocateurs we will be worried about will be Russia and China as the world does not work the way a lot of people think it does.
  • This morning I started season 3 of Game Of Thrones. Pretty amazing.
  • My razors are lasting weeks now with the new lotion I have for shaving my head. If you decide to be a bald head enthusiast and you razor burn your noggin just slap some hydrocortisone ointment on it. You'll be good.
  • A Oreo caramel milkshake from Jack In The Crack may be on the list for lunch.
  • A lady that is interested in me is 65 years old. That makes her over twice as old as my last girlfriend. She actually has a child who is 3 years older than the last GF.
  • Would you ever in a million years go to a sex club? I am not talking about swapping partners at all- those cards are not even on the table. The two of you go in and hang out and chat with the other freaks and watch them do freaky things and then the two of you go do your own thing together.
  • This past weekend (today is 01/23/2017) I did nothing but read and watch movies- and I did not even bother to get out bed to do either. I would get up to take a pee and get a drink of water then I would fall back over in bed. I would awaken worn smooth out from one nap- so I would start another. The pile of books I read or read at was topped only by the stack of garbage movies I consumed. Aside from one giant lunch- I hardly even ate as I did not expend enough energy to justify eating much.
  • Good. Weekend.

Friday, January 20, 2017

The Last Email I Received 01/13/2017

"Granny has become unresponsive and her breathing is labored, Mom Says we have a few days at most so if you want to go see her you shops poetically go this weekend. She was moved to the nursing home in Bridgeport that Grandma _________ was in. It's the one on 380 called the Stage coach something. I can get you the exact address if you want to go."

Monday, January 16, 2017

Monday's Missives

  • Yesterday (12/19/2016 @2029) while reading Brave Men I noted Ernie Pyle mentioning he toured Pompeii during the invasion of Italy. He said to the effect that it wasn't Vesuvius that buried Pompeii as most people presume but Somma- a now extinct volcano nearby.  I had to check it out. Sorry Ern' everything on my internets says Vesuvius was the culprit.
  • My hands look horrific and are in agony from torn cuticles due to the dry weather.
  • First world problems...
  • When you hear the tired old trivia that Russia sent their cosmonauts up with pencils instead of pens to solve the gravity dilemma just say, That is bull caca- they had pens, grease pencils, markers and pencils- just like US astronauts! as well- it is true. People use that erroneous trivia to make us look ridiculous for spending a million dollars to develop a pen that writes in space and to make Mother Russia look primitive. I hate to say it but yeah- there might even be a bit of racism to that old claim as well.
  • My Marsona sound conditioner had not been used in 2-3 weeks so I loaned it to a friend to see if it would help his wife sleep and help her with a tinnitus problem. Predictably, I am having trouble resting tonight without it.
  • Humans are weird.
  • There are a couple of demanding skills I have nearly perfected and combined with complex processes done at work that I have taught myself to do well.  Consequently- multiple people have gotten it in their heads I am am the only one who can do those things.
  • File that under the Good/Bad column if you will please.
  • 98% of the time I am totally cool with coming home to an empty house and doing what I want when I want. 2% of the time- sucks.
  • Although THE EDGE lost their way a long, loooong time ago it is still a shock to turn over to the new STAR 102.1 and hear Xmas music and ads for their impending change to adult contemporary format.
  • The term adult contemporary always makes me pause and I have to consciously shake the feeling it is code for something seedy.
  • This past weekend (today is 01/04/2017) Zac and I talked about the attack on Pearl Harbor. He may have been a little impressed at my knowledge of the event but I sensed he was a bit taken aback when I discussed how incredibly bold, brave and smart the Japanese were.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Wedesday's Digressions

  • Last night (today is 12/22/2016) I had the crazy dream again where I climb up on top of a building and have to climb down the other side. It is tall enough to mean instant death (on impact of course) in the event of a fall on the down side but where I climbed up it was so easy to climb up it was practically a lark. It is so terrifying I almost always awaken at the time the fall is imminent.
  • This morning I saw a Tahoe which was 2 years old advertised for nearly 42 thousand dollars. In another life when I first looked for a house to buy there were plenty of decent enough ones offered for only slightly more.
  • The nicest car my dad ever had when I was in the picture cost him 600 dollars and we drove it all over Texas , Oklahoma and Arkansas. It was the only car we ever had with a working AC. I thought we must have become rich. It was 1969 Ford LTD. It had a 390 engine.
  • The funkiest car he had was a 30s something model Ford? that had the trunk lid cut out and a small pickup bed placed there. It was done by the Texas Department of Transportation (or whatever it was called back then) to be used as a work vehicle. I had identified it in the past by a picture we had of him with it but I don't remember now the exact make or model. It was- according to an uncle who remembered it from when he was a boy a dark yellow color.
  • On second thought- was it an International?
  • Recently I saw an ex girlfriend with her husband. It is cool- good for her and good for him. The one thing I took note of was she had grown her hair out- as I had asked her to do back then. It looked great and although she was already fine looking- the long hair makes her look super pretty.
  • An odd note about the preceding thought- he drives her old car and she a new SUV.
  • Although I have mentioned it before- if cost was no object I could absolutely live in hotels and just travel for the rest of my life. For that matter if I had to work and could still afford to live in a decent one- I could live in a hotel long term.
  • Somethings you do not know: Christians are the most persecuted religious group- on the planet. The war in Yemen and the war in Ukraine are every bit as intense and vicious as Syria and Iraq and plenty of people are suffering but most people have not heard of Yemen and when it comes to Ukraine most (I think) believe the war there blew over a while back.
  • Recently at work I was acting bummed out so a buddy gave me a plastic articulated snake to cheer me up. Later I went back to make sure she knew it had worked and I felt better and thanked her for the snake and the general effort to make me happy. Several days later she sensed I was down again so she said, Well hey- you could always go to your office and play with your snake for a while- that might cheer you up!
  • Sometimes people make my job as an aspiring comedian and overall vile reprobate too easy.

Monday, January 9, 2017

Monday's Missives

  • Leftists need to accept they lost. Trump needs to accept he won- and act like it.
  • Today is Pearl Harbor day for 2016. In so many ways the war changed my dad (mostly for the better) and by extension; it changed me- I would have been less likely to serve without his example.
  • One of the first bits of trivia I remember blowing my mind when I learned it as a boy: Yamamoto attended Harvard for four years and carried a soft spot in his heart for the US until Rex Barber piloting a P38 Lightning built in Burbank California shot him down over Bouganville- Murica! I just read he was impacted by two .50 caliber rounds- one hit him in the jaw and the other his shoulder. That puzzles me- I know I had heard in an interview or read somewhere he was struck once- in the lower back.
  • Blogger quit automatically saving a draft copy of my posts after I published them.
  • A buddy is so whipped by his girlfriend it is equally hilarious and sad. She dresses him in goofy looking clothes and he has quit doing some of the things he loved and started doing a bunch of crap he hates. When you remark on something that seems like an odd change for him he inevitably starts his reply with, Eh, well my girlfriend...
  • I am already looking forward to Scarborough Ren. Faire.
  • My truck looks like it belongs to an insane person. Honestly I do not know why I let it get so disgusting but when it finally gets cleaned out ( a task on the list entitled "Soon") it will require an hour or two of work and I bet at least a kitchen size garbage bag. In the past, I have never had to apologize for the appearance of a vehicle but I have done so multiple times over the past couple of months.
  • We had dinner at Rio Mambo Monday night. Verdict: expensive and bland. How they made fajitas bland I do not know- but they somehow pulled it off- I mean really; lets give them a slow clap for that... If you are ever in Weatherford America and want fajitas that won't put you in the poor house- drive out Playa Maya. It is actually in Hudson Oaks (and the only good thing there) but yeah- good and reasonably priced.

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Something I Pretend I'll Do Before I Die

Eat a handful of Oreo Cookies and caramels just before walking into the dentists office to get my teeth cleaned.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

  • In the early 1800s grave robbers in Britain and Scotland were called resurrectionists.

  • In Britain it was illegal for surgeons to practice on cadavers until 2006. Crazy- absolutely insane.

  • Yes, just watched a BBC documentary.

  • I don't know which is worse- governments saying due to critical shortages corneas etc were removed without family permission or the absolute tragic waste of people denying the use of same from their dead family members. Instead of coddling every citizen over every irrational fear and superstition I wonder if it wouldn't be better if a spokesperson said,"Look, you're dead at that point- you won't care. People are suffering and dying due to ignorance and superstition..."

  • Every member of my family are total body donors- yes especially my children.

  • Supposedly there was a case at a teaching hospital near me where a med student was learning surgery techniques and the cadaver they brought out for her class was a long lost uncle who died in a shelter in the same city. Sounds urban legend-ish I know, but I personally know a professor from the same school who will tell you it's true and as part of an ethics exercise the case was addressed in a class I took in college.

  • Companies have been busted for illegally selling body parts they were supposed to have cremated. This has caused people to start wringing their hands in absolute and  abject holy horror. That is fine- well and good, want to end practice of same? Flood the market with essentially 100% body donation of appropriate candidates.

  • The Catholic Church banned autopsies and human dissection of any kind for hundreds of years calling it an abomination and desecration etc.  which is odd, since from front to back the Bible teaches the body is a shell and nothing more for the soul. They should have championed the use of corpses and taught the frailty of life and where the soul goes after death etc. Odd, very odd and it would be impossible to overstate how much this strange viewpoint has damaged mankind and how far back it set medicine and other sciences.

Getting Arrested Before Midnight On A

Saturday night is no way to go through life son- to say nothing of wearing ridiculous looking baggy pants down below your butt and your cap backwards.

Monday, January 2, 2017

Monday's Missives

  • 1 ex wife, 2 business associates and at least 3 girlfriends- as of this writing the breakdown of people who have seen the Random Thoughts Girls on Barry's blog and thought they busted me watching pron.
  • Good grief.
  • I am looking (somewhat halfhearted) for another job.
  • A homeless  patient I saw this morning is an interesting guy. He reported (and I tend to believe)he was a medical student at Galveston in the days of his youth but he had a series of transient ischemic attacks and was unable to complete his studies. I know they all have a story- I have seen supposed lawyers with poop smeared in their hair and have met homeless secret government agents by the score but I tend to believe him.
  • The other day (today is 12/14/2016) I gave a homeless person a bunch of good winter clothing- for the second winter in a row. Interestingly, part of the gesture involved brand new still in the wrappers long Johns that my ex mother in law gave me 15 (at least) years ago. There are multiple object lessons in that part of the story.
  • General homeless persons categories: Campers- they sleep in tents or ad hoc shelters for extended periods. Street people: They sleep where they pass out- literally on the street, vacant lot or maybe occasionally an abandoned building. Shelter people: They live uh, in a shelter for homeless persons.
  • If you are in the market for a good used truck I will have one available after December 28 as I intend to win a new Infinity Q30 from the Normathon benefiting Austin Street Center.
  • I have it all figured out don't I? Here I am just sitting here rocking back and forth wanting all that new car...

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Sing It Marge

"The problem with socialism is that eventually you run out of other people's money."

—Margaret Thatcher