Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Zombies!

"Jerry falls in love with a stripper he meets at a carnival. Little does he know that she is the sister of a gypsy fortune teller whose predictions he had scoffed at earlier. The gypsy turns him into a zombie and he goes on a killing spree."
It's 10:21 I'm about to go to bed and I digest garbage like this as a bedtime snack. I'm old and classless.
Goodnight world wherever you are.

Wednesday's Digressions

  • I knew a man once who bought a house and two fire trucks for 100 dollars each . Another man he knew had helped set up the auction for a county and pestered him to bid on the items- as he did everyone to get the participation numbers up. He moved the house onto some land for his handicapped sister to live in then made a killing selling it after her death. He sold one fire truck for a lot more than 100 dollars and donated the other to the VFD near his lake house.

  • I would have kept at least one of the fire trucks- to make my children happy of course.

  • Can you imagine? Woo- hoo, honk honk, look at me I'm a fireman! I mean- ahem, the kids would get a big kick out of it and you could teach them about fire safety and stuff.

  • Remember when Limp Bizkit mattered? Hee- hee well, they did nail their cover of Behind Blue Eyes though.

  • Don't care for any Limp Biz today? You simply can't turn down the crying Indian PSA from the 70s. Iron Eyes Cody makes us think twice about tossing fast food garbage in this classic blast from the past.

  • Turdbomb is gone- R.I.P. I got about 300 buck out of her postmortem- she serves even in death.

  • Spellcheck hi lights Turdbomb- that's crazy.

  • Tidbit is offered as an alternative.

Final Words Spoken Final Insults Heard By Saddam

Saddam] God is Great. Palestine is Arab

[Voices] May God's blessings be upon Muhammad and his household.

[Voices] And may God hasten their appearance and curse their enemies.

[Voices] Muqtada [Al-Sadr]...Muqtada...Muqtada.

[Saddam] Muqtuda? (laughs) Are you men? Is this the bravery of Arabs?

[Voice] Long live Muhammad Baqir al-Sadr.

[Voice] To hell.

[Saddam] The hell that is Iraq? ((Arabic: جحينب هو عراق Ghihyneb hew A'raq)

[Voice] You have destroyed us, killed all of us, our nation is ruined.

[Saddam] I helped you survive. Iraq is nothing without me!

[Voice] Please do not. The man is being executed. Please no, I beg you to stop.

[Saddam] (Recites Shahada) There is no God but Allah and I testify that Muhammad is the messenger of God. There is no God but Allah and I testify that Muhammad...

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

James "The Rev." Sullivan

drummer for Avenged Sevenfold found dead today- he was 28. In this video and the above pic (far left) he doesn't look healthy at all- I'll guess cardiac related exacerbated by drug abuse.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Monday's Missives

  • "Mike Church is a Los Angeles private detective who specialises in finding missing persons. He takes on the case of a mystery woman who he calls Grace. She is suffering from amnesia and have no memories of her own. She keeps having nightmares involving the murder of a pianist Margaret, by her husband Roman Strauss in the late 1940's. In an attempt to solve the mystery about these nightmares, Church seeks the help of Madson who is an antiques dealer with the gift of hypnosis. The hypnosis sessions will soon begin to reveal some surprises.' IMDB

  • Watched the movie Dead Again by accident- absolutely would not have touched it with a ten foot pole if I'd read the above synopsis and had not just stumbled upon it one lazy day. Pretty good, interesting, cute little movie.

  • I have seen chaparrals aka roadrunner birds catch a small snake and bash its head against a rock to kill it to eat it and another catch a small lizard and try to impress a female- just like in the documentaries. He would bash it against the gravel and hold it up to her and when she would turn away he would more emphatically whack it against some rocks and hold it up for her approval.

  • The things we do for love.

  • It wouldn't do for energy drinks to be free to me- I would be a freak.

  • In Iraq it was two Red Bulls and two Hydroxycut before each mission. I think I got shot once- and didn't know it. I healed like a super hero because I was so jacked on caffeine and ephedrine. KBR guys had mountains of Red Bull- literally.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Friday Getting Ready For Work Would Rather Take One To The Gut Missives

  • Dug my car out of the snow for the second time- in my life.
  • Couldn't find the pic I wanted- so here's a cheezbrgr I made and ate with my own little hands.
  • Last rites are interesting although not a component of my spirituality.
  • 7- the number of cars in the ditch last night on way to work.
  • An old friend is a patient at the nursing home I'm working- Oh my God. It was sad but, I went and spent a good bit of time with her this morning. A freak infection a few months ago and she'll never walk again any distance or work etc.
  • She was so happy to see me although it was initially a shock for me to see her that way. She's very sick and in bad shape.
  • Yes, it could be us- I guess.
  • I love Hal Ketchum and here's one of his best. For some reason when you search this song Kenny Rogers The Gambler comes up- yikes. I would rather be poked in the eye with a stick.
  • Hope your Christmas was good- whatever good is for you. For me it would be everybody getting along, (in PJs preferably) a fireplace, a pup, games, hot chocolate and coffee and the air thick with every type of love God dreamed up for man and memories that would carry us through to next year or our death- whichever comes first..

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Snowy Thursday Missives

  • What happened to Rick Trevino? Couldn't get away from that guy in the 90s. I saw him live at Gruene Hall. I met Mary there- her dad was from Russia and mom from Mexico. When I first visited their house I thought they were having a family reunion- Russian and Mexican influences though, they simply could not help themselves getting together and being wild every weekend.

  • She had skinny legs, ginormous curly hair and only drank DR. Pepper.

  • My two best friends from those days have been dead for years.

  • Snow is only OK now- I'm officially old. Yes, I took my children out for a little while but, made no arguments when they got cold. The dog loved it but, I've heard Healers do.

  • An old, disabled man who trained coon and wolf dogs when I was a boy in Decatur told me,"Never buy a dog that stands there flat footed and pisses- they're dumb and aren't worth owning."

  • His name was Jesse.

  • I've never looked at a dog urinating the same as other people I bet since.

Had This Here

before but, if there's a better way to start your morning (as music goes) than listening to Josh Abbott singing Taste- let me know in the comments. If that doesn't blow your skirt up, try some Eli Young When It Rains.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Sadly Funny

So funny-because it's true. So sad because it's true.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Monday's Missives

    You're welcome- sorry, simply couldn't resist.

  • The military has been developing a new bomb called MOP for Massive Ordnance Penetrator. It has an explosive warhead weighing 5300 pounds and is designed to penetrate deep, reinforced facilities. The Pentagon is really pushing to have it ready by 2010 August.

  • I predict an explodey September 2010 for someone.

  • Jay Leno has built a jet car he calls the EcoJet. It runs on non food source biofuel and burns 9 gallons of fuel per hour at idle. It has a turbine engine which is the same as the USCG Dolphin helicopter, an adapted transmission from a C5 Corvette and is geared to go 250 mph.

  • I knew a woman once who got drunk and somehow ended up running over her own head when she fell out of her car.

  • Wasn't there a starlet from back in the day known for wearing long, flowing scarves who was killed when one of them got caught in one of the back wheels of a convertible and she got drug out of the car?

  • Or, am I making that one up?

  • Still think Holes bass player has the hots for me and I still don't think anyone who has actually listened to any of their music could hate it- Ladies and gentlemen- Courtney Love and Hole performing Malibu.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Sea Shepherd Society Kooks Get Cool Boat

and just as cool Maori chant music to rock out the Japanese whalers during this seasons nuisanceapalooza fest.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

I Am Prepared Now... And I am Fine Again

Mentioned here recently being sick- dear God, it was no fun and it came out of nowhere- no known exposure to someone with a stomach virus but, with my job- who knows? It did coincide with being in a patients home that absolutely nauseated me and I had to work up some strength before entering and eat real big before going to their home but not too close so I'd be reminded of why I was hogging out so I'd be OK without eating for 12 hours. When they offered I needed to be able to honestly say,"Oh, no thanks I just pigged out on Chinese" (or whatever). You have to be ready for this because the poorer they are, the more they love, respect and want to take care of you. So they always want to feed you or give you things.

The patient dies this night- catching me off guard, I was sure she had a couple more days and I'm never wrong on this. Everyone from the trailer park comes and says their goodbyes with bloodshot eyes through a fog of cheap beer and cigarette smell. They all also fall against me, sobbing, thanking me profusely for taking care of their Boo Boo (everyone there had a nickname). They're close enough I smell rotted teeth, stale cigarettes and cheap cologne and their tears and dirt literally stain my scrubs with mud. I've never been hugged by a midget - before this night. One offers to sell me a pup- "Her mom and dad have papers!" the owner proudly proclaims. For some reason I hand her a 50 dollar bill for a pup I didn't know then would cost me much more in wormer meds and late night nursing trying to coax the dang thing to live for my children who love it like no other animal we've ever had. The worms were the stuff of X Files or Fringe television shows- 7-8 inches long, smooth- non segmented and smelled fishy. They're also firm feeling and appear lifeless when expelled (even before meds).

I was caught so off guard in this situation I'd brought them a television that night since there's went out during my previous shift. The idea being the patient who was cognizant enough to watch television during my previous shift would have a diversion and the nurse on the other shift would would have something to do when not doing direct care. I left it with the decedents spouse- he can use it more than me and anyway, in his culture it will be currency as good as gold, worth a half a months rent or more.

My head spins as I count drugs with the RN who pronounces the death. She's pretty, funny and sweet- and the type you would have picked even out of scrubs as a nurse- she's just nursely. Family is already arguing over the decedents possessions. There's screaming and shoving. Someone says,"I'll take this." while picking up some yard sale reject. "Like hell, you will!" hisses another through through gritted teeth, while grabbing the object away. The father keeps repeating,"We're not talking about this here and now- wait until morning- wait until after her funeral anyway." Good man, good man he's using my broken record method of conflict mediation I've developed and coached him on when he asked me ,"What will I do when...?" An even tone and hanging onto something that sounds like we'll work something out but, not too committal or provocative will tone the situation down and prevent bloodshed- yes it's happened.

Me and pup drive home in the floaty way you get sometimes just before you get real sick. My stomach burns like there's a Bic lighter right in the middle of my stomach, bend too far and the flame touches the walls of the stomach or the esophagus sending a back draft of flames up the throat which will lead to the inevitable emptying of the meager contents of my inflamed stomach. I feel a little better when Terry Gross says, "I'm Terry Gross and you're listening to Fresh Air" in her breathless way.

At about 3 the next morning my guts are bubbling like the Le Brae tar pits and I race to the bathroom. When I stand up I say,"Man, that looks gross,' And then, raaaaah- the contents of my stomach empty. I dig through the medicine cabinet for any and everything that may help from over the counter meds to old narcotics. Then I have dreams about living with cave dwellers, ballerinas and snakes- always the snakes when I'm crazy. I awaken 16 hours later in such a sweat I can blow it off my mustache and I'm instantly chilled under the ceiling fan.

My muscles ache from disuse and joints hurt from dehydration.
My toes literally hurt from bending them so much when I yakked the night before.

I've been asked,"Who cares for nurses when they're sick?" The answer is really no one because everyone feels too over awed- like there's nothing they can do- even when they try, so it's very lonely.

I'm tired again and need to eat (I've lost 10 or 15 pounds- pants fall down when I put them on)

Would say, more about this later but, I'm not kidding anyone- even myself.

Want to forget. Listen to this and this. with me and we'll be better.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Original Lawn Mower Man Needs Your Help

"Danny "Sparkie" Johnson is 62 years old, and for the last 10 years he's earned spare money by going up and down the street near the California group home in which he lives, mowing lawns for friends and neighbors for $5 or $10 a pop. Johnson has cerebral palsy and mentally is still a child, but his lawn mowing keeps him busy and has allowed him to make friends in the neighborhood. But at least one person in the neighborhood is less than friendly -- whoever stole Johnson's lawnmower while he was on a break last week. Did we mention that the $200 mower was brand new, bought with Johnson's longtime mowing savings? And that Johnson then came home and cried? OK, now that everybody is sufficiently bummed out by the world's saddest holiday tale, the good news is that anyone taken with the Christmas spirit who wants to help Sparkie out can call facility manager Regina Olandez at 818-366-6791. Whatever happens, here's hoping Sparkie is back in business as soon as possible." From asylum for all mankind
I just spoke with Regina by phone- I hope this story is and stays legit. Who wouldn't want to help? A mans lawnmower- well, that's like your woman- no other man should touch her at all but, to steal her away while taking a break from working in the hot Cali sun? That's just a low down dirty dog trick, probably against the Geneva Convention and I aim to help this man out just a little- in the spirit of the season and all. Sparkie- you sit tight my friend the check is in the mail. You'll be mowing the land of fruits and nuts again in no time, brother.
Danny Johnson
15951 Simonds Street
Grenada Hills CA

Notable Quotable

The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of a wise man is in his heart.

Benjamin Franklin

Monday, December 14, 2009

Monday's Missives

  • At a church I was part of once the preacher knew I was pretty good at designing landscapes and flowerbeds, easily talked into doing stuff and generally- saying no impaired so he had me at a disadvantage when he hinted about how terrible the flowerbeds looked. Needless to say after a quick sketch, about 300 dollars worth of supplies and plants and many hours under a hot Texas sun later (nearly all after the night shift at work) there was a couple of pretty decent looking flowerbeds with the plants chosen for long lasting color, ease of maintenance and in the case of one plant it was chosen because being mentioned in the Bible. I overheard a woman voicing her concerns about how expensive the work must have been. "Oh, Kevin took care of all of it- he did all the work and paid for it." Well, that's alright I guess- it's pretty but, I feel the church should have been consulted." came the reply. Found out later she wasn't the only one this bothered.

  • Really- I'm not kidding.

  • And people are shocked when their churches don't grow and they in fact lose members.

  • Still looking for an aquarium for my children.

  • My oldest sometimes rides in vehicles with kids I really don't know. I work to keep this to a minimum without ruining him socially but, this makes me nervous. He understands a lot of kids are bad drivers and kill themselves and others often and I hope this helps him make good decisions when I'm not there.

  • Recently 2 kids from his school were involved in an accident miles away from school- with each other!

  • Spiritual pain is a condition encountered as a person who is dying is not right with their maker as they say or has issues with family that triangulate in a religious way. This can cause a death to drag on for weeks literally when others in the same condition physically would have slipped away peacefully long ago.

  • It's also called, running from the Devil.
  • A good business would be collating content from a persons blog, put a cover on it and convert it to book form for the owner. It would be easy to figure out, cheap to do and I bet a lot of people would use the service.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Friday's Dispatch

  • Story of the worlds smallest mum. She and her "trainee priest" hubby have two other children.
  • I'm sure since Clint Eastwood had something to do with it the movie Invictus will be great but, those are some terrible accents affected by Freeman and Damon.
  • Getting over (trying anyway) being sick. I went to bed at about 9 last night and slept until 1 this afternoon after sleeping nearly all day yesterday.
  • I was pretty sure I was going to die.
  • I'm tired again and the room is spinning- I think I'll go lie down.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Wednesday's Digressions

One of the images you get when you Google Abe Vigoda.

  • On a comment board somewhere dirtypants428 sez,"my first car was a plymouth reliant. I also like spaghetti ".

  • You go boy- you rawk!

  • The bread served in chow halls in Iraq was trucked frozen from bakeries in Kuwait- terrible unless you toasted it then- it was just awful.

  • But, you could upgrade it to bad with copious amounts of mayo, tomatoes, bacon and cheese. Oh, and black pepper.

  • BLTs- one of natures most perfect foods.

  • Once everyone on the whole base basically got sick at the same time. It was then put out it was some sort of stomach virus and guys were treated for dehydration as they fell out right and left and the aid station was overflowing with sick troops.

  • Ommm- Gods gonna get you Uncle Sam for lies like that.

  • As this article illustrates most victims families who watch the murderer die when executed report their pain not relieved by the death. Some people are surprised when they learn families report only partial relief, or none at the death of a family members murderer and that some are even adamantly opposed to the state killing them. I would have been more than shocked if in their heart of hearts people felt any lasting relief, healing, closure or whatever you want to call it at the condemned persons death. In my opinion it could only bring anguish in light of the peaceful, relatively painless almost benign way the prisoner dies at the hand of the state compared to what the victim suffered. They simply go to sleep. For some, there would be the sense that for the murderer it's all over and the family will suffer until their own deaths reliving their loved ones murder every day. For some, it's that there's one more death associated with the crime that solves nothing etc. I just think people haven't really searched their own feelings, have a good grasp of what really makes humans tick or count the cost in many other ways when they not only support the death penalty but, celebrate it during an execution.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Monday's Missives

  • You're a middle eastern zoo owner, what do you do when your original Zebras die (by starvation)? Why, you shave a couple of donkeys and paint them of course!

  • My dad loved Frankie Valley type falsetto high pitched singing.

  • I don't care anything about celebrities- I think it's a false waste of time and energy to assume we know anything about them and have favorites etc. but, it still bothers me to think of Heath Ledger and I'm not sure why although I have an idea. Watched The Dark Knight last night- very good, not great. Found it and Flags Of Our Fathers at a pawn shop like new for 2.50 each.

  • Left a patients home recently who was drowning in his own juices after a lifetime of smoking and his family was surprised. On the way home a woman who was texting while driving nearly hit me head on and a when I was just nearly home a steel gray (the same exact color as the rain/fog and pavement) minivan came out of the fog with its headlights off- I nearly turned into it, it just seemed to appear out of nowhere.

  • We are crazy.

  • All of that happened within about 11 minutes.

  • Stalin's grandson has sued a Russian newspaper for libel after an article about just a few of the atrocities he was responsible for and the defense of the paper was no slam dunk. There's a new nationalistic fervor brewing up around Stalin including replacing his name and image over sites where they had been removed after the fall.

  • This is bound to end well.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Recent News Missives For A Chilly Saturday

    None of them French

  • The "party crashers" should be billed for the millions of dollars I guarantee the investigation into their shenanigans and the policy changes that will be made as a result will cost.

  • Wonder how many secret service careers will be affected/ruined by these idiots?

  • President Obama attended a ceremony to honor an Air Force unit that operates F22 Raptors. His staff had an F22 replaced as a backdrop with an F15 due to the fact his administration opposed the F22 program.

  • Good grief- we're in trouble.

  • Can't turn on the tube or pull up a news browser without being assaulted by the Tiger Woods crash/wife assault/adultery, non story. Why? Who on earth cares?

  • Big news? Kinda sorta anyway- President Obama is sending 35,000 troops to Afghanistan. Bringing the total to a little over 100,000.

  • How many do some sources estimate would be required to subdue the insurgency? And I'm nearly certain I've read somewhere the new Army COIN manual itself calls for the same number but, I couldn't find the source.

  • 600,000

  • That war is lost and we might as well get used to that natural fact.

  • The world is cuckoo: recently Ireland was outraged their World Cup hopes were dashed by a French handball- it's a wonder they didn't go into a full on land war and might have if the French president hadn't apologised directly to the Irish PM.

  • Do not be surprised if the offending French soccer player is not killed before this is all over. Oh, and I do mean killed, as in literally by gunshot, car bomb etc.

  • Funny diplomatic exchange regarding a VIP box for the French President.

  • Headline: "Paris museum workers strike". Is there any operation those people can't/won't strike?
  • Mood: Curmudgeon-ie

Friday, December 4, 2009

Friday's Dispatch

  • I don't like qualifying statements or explaining how/why I say the the things I say. People shouldn't try to be the mind readers readers we all try to be and read so much into simple statements made by others. Anyway, people will believe what they want to believe.

  • Zac loves the water- anywhere and anytime. He points it out as we drive down the road and pass a lake or drive across a river,"Dad, look water!" He went to Mineral Wells State Park when he was 6 weeks old and played in the lake. Never ceases to impress: times like that always seem 100 years ago and like yesterday in the same breath.

  • I need to get the 4 wheeler running again.

  • A waitress friend once got scolded by a customer when she wrote "H2o" on her order pad. "Dangit, girl I don't want no H2o or whatever that is- water, I want plain water and ain't payin' for nothin' else!"

  • He wasn't kidding.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Music Video Extra Vaganza- O Rama

A really great one from one of my favorite bands Finger Eleven called One Thing. The lead singer has said in an interview it really doesn't have any specific meaning but, everyone I know who listens to them can tell you what it means to them.

One Thing"

Restless tonight

Cause I wasted the light

Between both these times

I drew a really thin line

It’s nothing I planned

And not that I can

But you should be mine

Across that line


If I traded it all

If I gave it all away for one thing

Just for one thing

If I sorted it out

If I knew all about this one thing

Wouldn’t that be something

I promise I might

Not walk on by

Maybe next time

But not this time

Even though I know

I don’t want to know

Yeah I guess I know

I just hate how it sounds

[Chorus x2]

Even though I know

I don’t want to know

Yeah I guess I know

I just hate how it sounds

Even though I know

I don’t want to know

Yeah I guess I know

I just hate how it sounds

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Z Man And His Old Ride

When he was about one.

International MRAP

I don't know if this would be a better truck for our troops but, man it's cool looking.