Wednesday's Digressions

• When I see the terms, "creamy" and "all the fixins" on a menu it nauseates me.






• First world problems...






• I hope when it's my time to die, I can do it with a certain amount of grace- if not style.






• I love gravy.






• After explaining a bank account to Zac by giving examples in ascending order of value things that he could have by saving, he seemed to get it and was totally down with the idea. I think soon I'll start an account for him, let him sign the paperwork and take him in once a week to make a deposit.






• I'm On Fire

Raising Zachary

Yesterday Zac and I walked to the store to get out of the house and have some ice cream. He said, Can we cut across the hills? meaning take the shortcut across the field behind the house. Sure, lead the way I said. As we got into the more difficult terrain he said, I've got to be very careful so my ice cream doesn't spill, drip or melt, since ice cream is very important.

Priorities...

Monday's Missives

• I finally heard Adele's speaking voice this morning- I now get what somebody meant when they said, She sounds like someone out of a Monty Python skit!


• I mean really- I waited for her to say, Ello guvnah!


• Talent wise she seems to be everything people thought about Amy Winehouse.


• People who text and drive still emmaddenate me. I mean I'm reckless, but come on!


• When people seem too prone to rapidly change their relationship status on their Facebook I'm always pretty sure they do it so what they want to be true will be true- since, hey it's right there in black and white.


• Another thing I'm pretty sure of: most, although obviously not all of those guys who propose at public events are massive manipulators.


• Odd: President Obama and Jon Stewart (both multimillionares) speak of millionaires and billionares like they're worse than pedophiles when it comes to the ruination they've caused.

Caturday!

• People very often know months in advance they're dying. It starts as a vague detachment that even the patient will have trouble explaining or identifying it for what it is. I have heard them say things like, I knew this was coming- I've known for a long time. Months ago I started not feeling part of this earth. I wasn't sick or anything, I just knew I was slipping away.






• I can say I'm known at work as having a pretty good knowledge of other cultures- especially those of our refugee patients. Recently another nurse came to me and said, Kevin, do _________ people normally hug you and kiss you on each cheek when they leave you? Knowing the people she was talking about while warm, are also reserved- especially toward whom they consider their superiors I said, Uh- no not a chance, why do you ask? Well, this guy who was helping me translate said, Let me show you how we say goodbye in my country and then he grabbed me and did that! I busted out laughing which caused the other nurse there with us to do the same. A supervisor dropped by and said, I know it's rude, but I've got to know- what's so funny? Breathlessly I said, This goof ball just let herself get molested by a patient!






• Maybe you had to be there.






• An old friends wife is dying of cancer.






• I need a new suit.






• I had a very tasty burger and fires from Whataburger in Decatur last night.






• Fires?






• Hammerhead

Friday's Dispatch

• Last night Zac and I had dinner at Playa Maya. Zac continues to impress with ability to eat spicy foods. He genuinely likes it- he just wipes the sweat off his forehead and goes back for more.








• Saw a couple I see around frequently. She wore a wig, had permanent makeup and had been Botoxed so much her face was essentially paralysed. He wears a cheap, ridiculous looking hairpiece and I think eyeliner. While his face was not quite as paralytic as hers, his face knows the sting of the needle as well. They just sat and stared expressionlessly at each other.








• A couple sat side by side in a booth behind us. That always seems awkward to me and likely counterproductive to what the guy is trying to accomplish.








• Anyway, thank you for tuning in to, People Watching At La Playa Maya.








• I made a flatulescent sound last night while Zac and I were joking around after we got back home. He said, You. Are. Nasty.








• Flatulescent is hi lited by my spellcheck.








• I just ate a miniature Three Musketeers bar. The wrapper was labelled Fun Size! It lies- if it were all that fun it would have weighed a pound and a half.

Skunk Overload

There are two things I'm sure of looking at this picture: One, is the people who lived in this house are animal lovers and two their involvement in these animals lives has guaranteed an early death for some or all of them.



The person who took the picture specifically said he only lived there for two years. Now, who will feed these animals? When they go to the neighbors house will they be as generous or will they call animal control or shoot them personally? What will happen when the animals are startled by someone who doesn't act like their previous benefactor and bites? Will they starve if no one supplements their forage? When they do bite someone will that instigate an eradication effort in the area?



Animals are not people and wild animals are wild and those who disagree are the animals worst enemies.

Wednesday's Digressions

• After going a long time without a drop of orange juice I'm now on track to drink a gallon of it in just a few days.








• I have a tendency to want to initially abbreviate orange juice to OJ, then after rejecting that mentally I still want to capitalize both words. There has to be some weird negative association with OJ Simpson there.








• Yesterday evening I had a conversation with a man at Baker's Ribs who recalling how long ago it was when he was growing up in his hometown said he was, The last lifeguard to work at the city pool in Cisco TX. It's funny the little things we have fun being proud of, but he has a point- I couldn't even tell you where the pool was.








• To be a probably a very tedious job, it would also probably be interesting to be a barber.








• When I get stressed out I sometimes get a patch of dry skin right between my eyes.








• Oh what a night late December back in '63
  

Message From Behind Enemy Lines

My Internet is down at home so I'm typing out a quick message while on lunch break at work in the hope it gets out to the uninfected before The Man shuts me down.

A group of us are holding the zombie hordes at bay.

We're 40 miles behind enemy lines.

They know about us all the way up to the ZFZ (Zombie Free Zone)

Word is they may parachute drop some Special Forces in the spring to help us.

Pray for us.

The chair is against the wall.

Johnny has a long mustache.

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, than to take rank with those poor, timid spirits who know neither victory nor defeat."

Monday's Missives

First World problems: will the nightmare ever end?

• Are we supposed to giggle when the guy marrying the bacon on the Jack In The Box commercial is told, You may now eat the bride?






• Maybe it's just my inner 12 year old.






• Zac and I have been invited to a birthday party for a Nepali acquaintance daughter's birthday party. That may be a culture shock.






• I saw video once of an attempted robbery of a hotel's front desk. The clerk made a grab for the robber's pistol which discharged into the clerk's abdomen. When the robber jerked the gun back it discharged again striking the robber in the head killing him instantly.






• That was a whole lot of karma going around in one split second.






• 4onthefloor Junkie

Friday's Dispatch

• If you see a white woman who is really to old to have hickeys on her neck, but her neck is covered with them, there's essentially a 100% chance her boyfriend/hubby/significant other is a much younger Hispanic guy.






• Zac is contentedly playing with a jar of buttons that were my moms and a jar of marbles that were mine as a boy- simple pleasures.






• He refers to the state park as the United States Park.






• A friend works at our breakfast place. She fairly often takes a break and eats with us. This has prompted him to invite waitresses at other places to sit and eat with us.






• We may finally have a winter.






• If I was fabulously wealthy I'd: own a ridiculous number of pairs of custom cowboy boots.






• Float On

Thursday's Thoughts

• Where I used to work a person with another agency tried to bully me into doing something I had neither the time or inclination to do at that moment. It was something that could and should have waited. Interestingly, she tried to name drop someone in my department and hinted it would be OK with him for me do what she wanted, while also hinting she knew him better than I knew she did- especially odd, since she mispronounced his name. Funny, I was his direct supervisor and we were very good friends.



• Regardless, don't people understand- Jedi mind tricks don't work on Jedi?



• Nursing pro tip- know when to make something another person's problem.



• I would hate if I ever developed any of the problems making Nyquil contraindicated for my use.



• Although I know Whitney is a bad show, I like it for some reason and can't explain exactly why.



• The theories for why early man did some of his best cave paintings in nearly inaccessible reaches of their caves always revolve around them being used for a rite of passage- they'd take children reaching adulthood back to show them and give them some awe or the thinking will involve protecting the paintings mystical properties and powers ( I call this the Holy Of Holies Theory). Both of these thoughts are so unsatisfactory they're plain odd. Why did they do it then Mr. Smarty McSmarterton you ask? That's easy, they wanted to protect their work because they wanted people to know they had been here and made a difference- just like us.



• Bon Iver Holocene

Wednesday's Digressions

• Unhitched is a very good show, but like every other TV show, I make no effort to keep up with it. I catch it when I catch it.










• I recently polled other nurses and the consensus was it would not be unethical to date a patient as long as said patient was a former one. I was very surprised at that. Literally- I was expecting pretty much across the board condemnation of the idea.










• There is literally nearly nothing in my house to eat and I don't mean that in the First World sense of the term- I could maybe scrounge together one odd meal for two people to hold us over in the 24 hour outbreak phase of a zombie epidemic, but that would be about it.










• First World problem: Steak or shrimp?










• First World solution: Why both at Logan's of course with sauteed mushrooms and a sweet potato with marshmallows and caramel as sides.










• If I was an employer I'd give US vets and Iraqi refugees preference every time.










• Although my dark humor side sees firefights and IED attacks over who emptied the coffee pot in the breakroom without making more.










• Nature- you are scary!

Caturday!

There's a cat in this pic.

• I have no independent recall of why this is true, but this song has always reminded me of one of my Army buddies who was from Fort Wayne Indiana.




• My local library has always had a problem with knuckleheads thinking the trash at the door is a book drop. Get rid of the trash can you say? They'll stack their trash at the doorway. Put a sign on the can, This Is Not A Book Drop and I bet people would only see Book Drop and throw even more books away. The staff just has to check it every day.




• My friend took all his children to a drive in theater last night for the first time ever.




• There's a lot of homeless people in Weatherford for a town of its size I think.




• Walnut Street in Weatherford was first known as Sick Street. The name was changed in 1876. I like Sick Street better.




• Thanks for tuning in to the Caturday! edition of The Weatherford Files N More.

Clinically Speaking

• I'm going to get one of my contacts in the radiology underworld to X Ray my hand. The other day at work I bumped it on a door knob. Now the first joint of my pinkie finger is swollen, crooked, hurts like a dog and feels crunchy when I move it.








• It's tough getting old. Really- I wasn't ready for how breakable I have gotten.








• Recently while walking toward the break room I heard people laughing and somebody said, What did Kevin say? He told them... and then as I passed I heard everybody crack up again.








• That was a good feeling.








• We have a chart for checking peoples vision that is a series of the letter E of varying sizes. Some face to the right, some to the left, some down etc. An illiterate patient can then point 3 fingers (imitating the 3 bars of the letter) in the way of the E they see on the chart.








• We take a lot for granted here I think.








• I have seen a tribal person from Vietnam not be able to identify the color orange by name. Interestingly she correctly said to the effect, I don't know the name of the color, but it looks like a cross between yellow and red.








• When I see a patient getting perturbed at their wait and I know my nursing buddy is about to see the patient, I inquire about their wait time, apologise profusely and then say so my buddy can hear it, I'm sorry sir- I'll assign one of my best nurses to your case. She'll be with you soon.








• Yeah, that's the kind of stuff I do- it never gets old.








• Just ask me.








• Your Patient Is Dead

Monday's Missives

Even as a boy I did not completely get the Your anus jokes about Uranus since that's a mispronunciation.










• A very sad video, made only sadder by the detachment you may feel since it was filmed through night vision. A 24 year old Army specialist Chazray Clark from Michigan has been blown up by an IED losing both legs and one arm. Terms you may not be familiar with: 9 line medevac- this is the report the air ambulances get on what to expect of the nature of wounds of the patient, the surrounding terrain and enemy activity. KAF- pronounced as spelled: an acronym for Khandahar Air Field in Afghanistan.







• Recently I heard some new Ringo Starr music. I thought he was dead. Regardless, it was pretty awful.







• Eeeew, you have a mustache on your face. Why did you get a mustache on your face? - what a patient's daughter said to me after seeing me for the first time since growing the offending facial hair.







• Multiple patient's children have drawn pictures which I've place on my over desk cabinet. One did it, another tried to one-up that one, then it took on a life of its own.

Zacism

This morning Zac asked me what time it was when we woke up. He then said, If it's a 1 and two zeros that may make it time to get up or time to stay in bed. That's true, I said. Go look and see I encouraged, knowing he knew his numbers well enough to report them back to me. When he came back to the bedroom he said, There's a thirty, a twelve and the letter E.
It was 7:27.

Caturday!

• Why Caturday? Because the Internets are made of tubes and wires and powered by kittens- of course!




• A hospice patient worked to some extent for the music business. When his wife mentioned she had an original copy of the Beatles White Album that was left on a bus by Billy Gorgan I said, How cool! Not taking no for an answer she then pushed that and another album on me. I said, Aw thanks- wow, I appreciate this! etc. and lay them to the side and walked out without them at the end of my shift.




• I wore a sweater outside the house today for the first time in years.




• Someone had recently been acting interested in me. I wanted to say, Look, you'll just treat me poorly after I've given you everything I have to give, then leave me after you no longer need me ,then you'll tell everybody you know how badly I treated you, but I just cooled things down a bit and left it at that.




• Firefight Afghanistan

On This Day In 2000

James Jim Varney often thought of as Ernest P. Worrel died of lung cancer. His last words were, Please, leave the window open.

Friday's Dispatch

• My children all like foods and drinks I dislike and dislike some of both I love. Interestingly, they all love breads and cheeses of all kinds and love trying new types of both.


• Maybe I did something right.


• As a child we went to family reunions that were really a reunion of people from a dying community- although many people were related. I think often of all those wild kids I played with, wonder how they are and hope the best for them. The building we met in was of sandstone construction and had swamp cooler air conditioners. We would take the sides off the AC and splash water on ourselves to cool down and when our parents could slow us down for 5 seconds we'd eat pecan pie and drink Kool Aid like there was no tomorrow and head back out to play again.


• It's funny- there really was no tomorrow.


• I've talked a little about this before, but in recent years past we've had entire multi state regions go without water and we're talking about lunar colonies?! God, we're dumb. I mean, we are our own worst enemies. I mean really- holy smokes we're stupid.


• I walked along the avenue. I never thought I'd meet a girl like you.

Thursday's Thoughts

Another First World problem

• A Spanish speaking friend gave me a pretty cool sounding Spanish nic name. I told her to give me some time to come up with a good one for her.



• Chika de ojos cafe. Was the best I could do.



• Which translates, The girl with the brown eyes.



• Pretty tough to beat huh?



• My pinky finger still hurts like crazy.



• I saw a Rehr Morrison Racing van today. They were really big when I was into racing many moons ago. One of their drivers got killed on a test pass. He wasn't wearing his restraints or helmet. Very sad- he would probably still be alive today- instead of one of those cautionary tales (and very random blog post) if he'd just been a little more careful.

Southern Fried Expressions

He is so ugly- his mama took him with her everywhere she went so she wouldn't have to kiss him goodbye.



She is as ugly as home made soap.



He is so ugly- his cooties have to close their eyes.



She is as ugly as a mud fence.

Wednesday's Digressions

• The other day a patient finished treatment during a visit to my office. He had been erroneously told or misunderstood that his treatment would go on for a few weeks more. When I congratulated him and started giving him his post treatment education he fell back in his chair. If I'd been forced to guess I would have said the room was spinning for him. He said, It's over? This has been a big part of my day for a while now. Ya'll have have been so nice and good to me and helped me a lot.







• That was a good feeling.







• A little time away is probably good for both parents and children, but I'm not any good when I'm away from my children for too long. I get heart sick over missing them- I'm literally lost during those times.







• I hardly ever refer to children as kids- there's nothing wrong with it, I just don't.







• Look, you and I don't have to excuse or explain anything one of us says to the other. I know what you stand for and are made of and the same goes for me to you. Just tell me what you think and feel. That's all I care about. What I said to my friend when I guess I got a little perturbed at her feeling she had to set things up in a conversation too much without just yeah- telling me how she felt about something or what her thoughts were on the subject.







• Trashcan Sinatras To Sir With Love

'Til Tuesday

A first world problem





• A friend is a massage therapist. When she was actively practicing she almost always went to the clients businesses, homes or hotels. She told me essentially 100% of the time the person assumed the message therapy was a front for prostitution and would start getting grabby.






• Recently a friend suggested an acquaintance and I get together. I think the gesture was probably well intentioned and sweet, but- she and I could not be more ill suited for each other. I mean- really, I wondered, You do know both of us- right? But, again- I had to remind myself the gesture was sweet, good intentioned, sincere and then drop the subject.






• I'm getting tired of looking at my bike and I'm considering telling my buddy to come pick it up.






• First world problem: I'm dying for either a delicious BBQ sandwich stacked with onions and jalapenos or a rib plate and I'm contemplating buying both and having at least some of each tonight and saving the rest for tomorrow. Although, I already owe my nursing buddy lunch and have committed to catfish and shrimp with jalapeno poppers for tomorrow.






• I'll never go to Taco Cabana again.






• I misspelled jalapenos every time I tried above.






• Yes- even that time.






• I'm walking out the door for just the sandwich with extra onions and jalapenos.






• See- it's all about self control...






• The Coon Huntin' Monkey

A Modern Day Classic I'm Sure- Soon To Be Released

Osombie- the story of a NATO Special Forces team tasked with hunting down zombie Osama and his undead minions. It looks so bad- it can't possibly be bad!

Monday's Missives

• I wonder how many sit coms and movies have used the old gag of a tourist handing their camera off to a local to take a picture of them in front of a landmark and the guy runs off with the camera? A Mr. Bean episode was just on that used it and with some thought I think I could come up with specific other shows, but I know I've seen it multiple times.



• If money were no object I'd: have the worlds largest privately owned library of autographed books.



• The lunar space colony lunacy being talked about shows just how unimaginative we really are. The politicians using that idea want to sound bold, friendly to science, tech savvy and give the country a goal to unite under. There are more pressing problems in space (our odd lack of understanding of the sun being a big one). It's as if- the US, after solving all her other problems decides to build a gazillion dollar gerbil habitat on a moon. I think we'd be amazed how much better off we'd be if made and sold more things in the private sector and cut down on waste and fraud in the public sector and minded our own beeswax a bit more.



• Yes, somebody will have to go at some point to extract helium when we finally pull our heads out and figure out how to use fusion to produce energy, but that won't require a full on colony and to whatever extent it's colonised for that purpose it should be multinational. Regardless- we'll have to pull our heads out first.



• Anyway, what will we do about the Nazis that have been living on the dark side of the moon for the past 70 years?



• I mean really, think about it- Space Nazis!



• Shudder...

Sunday's Summary

• During a new patient interview recently a female patient said,"If you're going to ask me about my sex life, don't even bother. There hasn't been any of that in a long time." She then burst into tears.







• If I was fabulously wealthy and cost was no object I'd have: a 12 cylinder Mercedes, black in color with alligator upolstery on the seats and ostrich for the armrests. The wood interior trim would require a small South American rain forest to be deforested.







• Oh, and it would have spider monkey fur carpeting.







• I deal with a lot of mentally ill people in my work. A big thing that has always stood out? I've never met a schizophenic patient who wasn't a heavy smoker.







• Dread Zeppelin Good Time Bad Times

Zacism

This is soooo good! Do you know how long it will take me to eat this? Maybe an hour or even more! What he said on having his first Dippin' Stick.

Friday's Dispatch

• At my breakfast place if I go in late there's too many people for me and more often than not I'll leave after a quick coffee.







• For the life of me I cannot comprehend what Newt Gingrich's marital relationships has to do with anything. They obviously never caused a big enough distraction to him in the past to affect his abilities and the problems are obviously in the open- so he can't be extorted over them.







• I use gel insoles in every pair of boots and shoes I own. The last pair I trimmed to the wrong size and stuffed them in my shoes. The resulting misplacement caused an alignment problem and an alteration in my gait that had my knee, hip and back in such bad shape I thought I'd be crawling by the time I got to my car from the office at the end of one day. A chiropractor could not have asked for a better case study.







• My favorite jeans are worn smooth out- they're literally threadbare in places, but they are also soft as silk. I'll wear them until I start getting police complaints.







• I cannot recall the last time I intentionally tried to hurt somebodies feelings.







• The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl Fairy Tale Of New York

Thursday's Thoughts

• When talking to foreign born patients I like to find some kind of common ground then, see how their experiences and perceptions differ from mine related to that subject. With this is mind I got a patient to tell me what it was like to go fishing in Africa. He did the obligatory holding the bent imaginary fishing pole and then stretched his arms out to indicate how long the fish was and used his hands to demonstrate it's gaping mouth. He then said, My cousin said, Goget eet- go get eet out mon. Joomp mon joomp. (his normally excellent English started getting more garbled the more excited he got telling the story). So I joomped- I joomped dee fish and she shawt me! She shawt me. It knocked me out. So, I never fish again.




• It took me a minute to process- it was an electric fish and it shocked him- it did not shoot him.




• I watched a recently produced documentary on the Gulf War recently. It was interesting to me that the last time I heard those stories was around a camp fire at Ft Wolters Texas.




• Maybe the plethora of online universities should have fantasy football and basketball leagues and set up conferences etc.




• This armed robbery did not go as planned




• This is what LSD must be like- regardless, great music and interesting imagery.

Woo Hoo- Who's The Loser Now?

CHARLES CASTEL CHAMBERS.FROM THE DESK OF BARRISTER CHARLES CASTEL16 Fetter Lane, London EC4A 1BWDX: 407 London Chancery Lane United Kingdom



Good Day, My name is Barrister Charles Castel.

I was the attorney to Late DrPeter Howlands and i hereby attempt to reach you again by this same email address stated on the WILL as my previous notification to youwas returned undelivered. I wish to notify you that late Dr Peter Howlands made you a beneficiary to his WILL. He left the sum of twoHundred and fifty Thousand Great Britain Pounds (GBP£250,000.00) to you in the codicil and last testament to his WILL. Being a widely travelled man, he must have been in contact with you in the past or simply you were recommended to him by one of his numerous friends abroad who wished you good. He was a very dedicated Christian who loved to be involved in charitable projects.Late Dr Peter Howlands died on the 18th day of August, 2008 at the age of 70years, and his WILL is now ready for execution. According to him this money is to support your humanitarian activities and to help the poor and the needy in our society. Please if I reach you this time as I am hopeful, endeavour to getback to me as soon as possible to enable me conclude my job. I look forward to hearing from you as soon as possible.Yours in Service,Barrister Charles Castel.(Head of Chambers.)EMAIL: barr.charles.castel.chambers1@



This must be legit, I mean after he is a Barrister (and he capitalises will a lot)! I'm expecting to have a lot of new friends now that I'm rich so get in line and also, I do want to thank all the little people who believed in me and made this all possible.

To everyone else- in your face!

Wednesday's Digressions

• Last voicemail I received: Hey dad, wanted to say thanks for the backpack and the ACU trousers- oh and the money that was in the trousers. Call me back.



• Isn't that nice? Wait- what? Money!? Doh!



• Honestly, I have no idea- there may have been 5.00 or 500.00$ in there. It would have been left from my last active duty days.



• File this under you didn't even know you liked Ska : Rancid- Time Bomb.



• You're welcome.



• I bet if you met President Obama and hung out he would be impossible to dislike.



• A business owner I've done business with for years called this evening to tell me she's going out of business.



• If I know nothing else about people, I know they come and go- they die, you hurt them, they hurt you and sometimes, you just drift apart. I have exactly one female and two guy friends that I know we'll be together to the end. A lot of people know me, but I have only 3 true friends.



• Story Of The Year- Until The Day I Die.