Wednesday's Digressions

Yes! I don't know what we're voting for but you gotta admire the simplicity.

• Yesterday (01/09/2015) as I turned from Berry down to 35 to head North I saw a cel phone fly off a ___________ truck and land on the road. I couldn't jump out and nab it without getting myself or others killed so I caught up to him on 35 to give him a heads up. He was soooo stoned or drunk he was oblivious and I couldn't get his attention. His eyes were glowing and he had the stupidest grin on his face I have ever seen.
• Here, is what I imagined him jamming to as he floated along.

  

  Objects in the mirror...
• The good stylist at Pro Cuts left and those that remain do terrible work and are oddly surly. Wooten's on Saturday gets busy so I take Mini Me to Knockouts Haircuts For Men. Although I don't partake, they offer you a beer as soon as you sit down and treat you like a king and he gets a good haircut and gets to control the cable remote to a personal TV while hot chicks make a fuss over him.
• I remember when haircuts were $2.50. It cost me 25 bucks get out of KHFM today.
• Jimmy Wooten gave me the last haircut I'll ever get.
• Red gave me the first although for some reason Bert McClain became the barber we used most often. Red's hands always smelled clean.
  
  

  

  The sign to the reader's left is only true in certain cases. The one to our right varies from patently false to highly arguable (and situation dependent at best).

• Pop Tarts don't have enough filling. Is it like a drug- they cut it down to keep you coming back for more?
• I am drinking coffee in the evening for the first time in a while. When I was in college I had a cup of coffee and a big bowl of ice cream nearly every night after work. I weighed a 150 pounds and slept like a baby.
  
  
  
  

  

  Good, cheap tacos were to be had here at one time. It looks like it is closed now. No mas taquitos amigo.

• When a patient says, I'm going to be honest with you... I know I am about to be treated to some amazing lies. Well, OK- half truths at least.
• If you've never drunk orange juice with pizza you should give it a try sometime. All the cool kids are doing it.
• If you loved me like you say you do you would by this for me/us.

  

  I was a 17 year old lad when I signed up here at the armory in Decatur Texas. It was an artillery unit then. Was it Alpha or Bravo Battery? I think it was A Battery. It was 2/131 Field Artillery Regiment. We went off roading in a M151A2 Jeep with the recruiter the night before we signed. After we signed we watched pron on a reel to reel projector in a classroom while we ate chicken. One time the CO made a big to do about guys eating chow there instead of going out.  Coincidentally, a KP failed to wash Bippy powder out of the pans well. Consequently, 100 guys got sick and they had to shut down for the weekend. Being outlaws me and a couple other miscreants had signed the meal roster and went out to eat. We came back 30 minutes late and then hid out in the motor pool and Quonset hut. Later we were found by a Staff Sergeant who was pale and sweating. It went like this: Where the %$^&# have you #**&^%rs been? We were out cleaning the motor pool- you told us to do it this morning. No you weren't. I've been looking for you for the past hour! Uh, oh- some Sergeant came out and had us move some stuff around in the Quonset hut. Oh, well everybody is getting sick after chow- are you guys OK? The CO is thinking about shutting us down. he replied. We all feel bad. We were on our way in to tell you. we replied as we held our bellies for effect.