Monday's Missives

Piece of plastic found in my Panda Express teriyaki chicken, Mmmm... plastic-ie.

There is a lot going there for a sticker I found on a banana. It looks vaguely comminist. I don't trust it.

My patients love me.

• Recently through an odd, and tortuous route I was reminded of an old girlfriend. She is a very gifted salesperson. A component to the story is I was reminded of a  product she marketed by seeing part of a dumb unrelated infomercial and using that as a basis for a little online stalking got back in touch with her by Email.
• She was glad to hear from me ( she even mentioned recently trying to contact me by an old cel number) but isn't it a little weird you can randomly stalk people like that these days?
• A connected thought: I haven't had that cel number in years- how could it not have been taken by somebody else by now?
• Another connected thought: I hadn't spoken to that woman in a few years and hadn't even thought of her in a long time and within 2 weeks of thinking of her and attempting a contact she did the same for me?!

  

  Green mamba some idiot collector released or rough green snake?!

  
  

  

  Hmmmm...

  
  

  

  Still smiling 5 minutes after being bitten- probably rough green snake.

  
  
  
  
  

  

  Baby eagle found on the ground after a storm. I call him Popeye as apparently fire ants found him before I did and ate his eyeball. He keeps the rat and squirrel population down around my place.

• PS the above child was not bitten by the snake and that is not an eagle named Popeye who feasts on rats and squirrels around my house.
• I call him Murica!
• Normally I have my children on Wednesday nights but won't tonight as their mother and I traded some days around. I am simultaneously relieved I don't have them and ashamed for feeling that way.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

  

  My kids are good fishers

  
  
  
  
• A black friendly acquaintance is aware that my children are pretty widely separated by age and has heard me during the course of conversations mention my adopted child's mother (without mentioning said child is adopted). Consequently, she has gotten it in her head that they all have different mothers and says things to me that start with, Do any of you baby mamas ever...?

  

  My children have played chess against John Malkovich

• As of this writing (09/09/2015) I recently was asked by a woman with whom I have been spending time (WWWIHBST) the number of sex partners I have  had throughout my young life. When I told her the number she reacted with shock that bordered on disgust. Some things are none of your business and if you don't get the answer you were looking for- why did you ask in the first place?

  

  Aside from being a bowling ball with glass baubles glued to it I don't know what this is but yeah- we live in  world where a bowling ball with glass baubles glued to it would absolutely be stolen from the Botanic Gardens in Fort Worth were it not chained and padlocked to the ground.

• So exactly who are, Richard Stoltzman, Bob Acri and Mr. Scruff anyway?

Wednesday's Digressions

They're apparently redoing (as of this 12/10/2014 posting) the pavilion at Sunshine Lake. Good, it needs some help.

• There are not too many pieces of equipment that I don't have at least  some hands on familiarity with but I've never had the satisfaction of feeding limbs or brush to a chipper-shredder. Man, really that must be a cool feeling.
• As I recall I have only been to two or three Back Friday sales and one was accidental. Once I went into a Best Buy and realizing it was Black Friday (although it was late in the day) I asked if there was by any chance any deals left on a 55 inch panel TV.  Suppressing  a grin the associate turned to an inventory guy as he walked by and to humor me asked and to the first guys shock the inventory dude said, Yeah, we have two- one over there and one in back. 
• Score!

  

  These little caps from Kool-Aid bottles freak me out.  At first glance they seem unnecessarily busy and involved for the simple task they perform (hold a liquid in and be easy to tear off), then you see the genius in it's functionality. A question: is the tiny bit of Kool Aid in the them the most refreshing and delicious thing ever or is it just me?

• It is 0617 on 11/29/2014 and I have two sad stories from my Dreamscape last night:  In one an old friend materialized in a barn showing me some farm equipment and animals. He was dressed in old school 13MWZ Wrangler jeans  and an outdated shirt and hat. He was trapped in the early 90s (which would follow- he has been dead since the early 90s). I tried to gently guide him toward some newer more stylish brands such as Cinch. He was patiently bemused. I let it drop and decided to hang out and enjoy the company. He had an aura around him making me assume even in the dream some part of me knew he was dead. We walked around and just enjoyed the time together. In another a family member made an appearance. She and her husband had tried to have a baby for a long time and then adopted a newborn. She had a heart attack sometime later and had to have a heart transplant. Years afterward she was in a motor vehicle accident. She died in surgery after losing her arm in the wreck. Anyway, in absolute terror, I entered the room in where I knew she would be as I presumed her arm would be gone. I couldn't breathe. When I turned the corner she was whole and complete and fussing over the baby while changing his diaper. She looked at me and smiled. She glowed. She had the same aura as Ricky. I turned around and walked outside and burst into tears. My heart broke.

  

  This retaining wall at Fort Richardson has a nice dry stack look to it- nice.
• In another life I had a job requiring me to be out of town for extended periods- a lot. When I came home once there were underwear in my drawer that did not belong to me. Having a sense of humor I dropped them in front of the woman I was spending time with and said, I'm presuming there is quite a story behind these. I'm all ears.  I, I, I, I... Those, those... Those are yours! she stammered.  She never fessed up and in fact had the ovary-icles to put them back in my underwear drawer. There were 3 pair. As I left her I hid one under a dresser, shoved one in the back of a bathroom cabinet drawer and put the other in one of her purses in the closet for her to find as time went by,
• Thats my story and I'm sticking to it was her motto and yeah, she was consistent if nothing else- I'll give her that.
• A funny connected thought: Since I recently got a bunch of old clothing out of storage I would nearly bet you could drag a shirt out that I wouldn't recognize. A shirt is a very visible item whose appearance would be reinforced throughout a day making it burn into your memory but there has to be one in there of which I would have no recall. There has to be one in there I've forgotten. Socks? Recently a pair of new socks I don't recognize (even though they're my brand) keeps appearing in my clothing. I think I may have bought them for a trip and the other pair(s) that came with them are still packed away or lost so they seem random but I'm sure they're mine. Underwear are a different story. Maybe it is because of the personal nature of them- I don't know but if you lose or gain a pair (or 3) it is going to get your attention.

  

  So we're driving down the road and my kids see a sign, Wizard Wells 3 Mi. (or whatever the number was) . Can we go? they implored with a dreamy eyed look. I don't know what they expected-  Harry Potter flying around playing Quidditch?

• A Million Ways To Die In The West had its moments especially as I do love a good sight gag.
• A commercial I just (12/01/2014) watched had 2 women disparaging their immature husbands for playing with their kids toys. Neither female actors wore wedding rings.
• I hope you're out there somewhere.

  

  My fearless daughter being fearless as she wonders, As a first world kid I don't think a closed head injury or C spine fracture could be all that big of a deal- right?

Friday's Dispatch

View out your window of the cabins at Lake Murray. Ha, I got you- it is a painting silly.

• Lena Dunham is pervasive and even refers to herself as a celebrity. I do not know who, what or why she is- and I'm OK with that.
• The Treaty Of Tripoli is a fascinating document and I'm surprised it doesn't cause more of a stir.

  

  Mastodon tusk

  
  

  

  Cylindrical shaped fossils are the stems of an ancient relative of lilies.

• It was 16 degrees this (01/08/2015) morning. My son left his coat at school. That was one long, cold drive until the truck warmed and walk to class for him I bet.
• There were signs on the road last night, " Road crews preparing for winter conditions- expect delays." In the past the state and local governments got caught with their pants down when they should have known conditions would be bad and prepared accordingly. Now, they go on a freakout and prepare for an Iceocalypse whenever a cool breeze blows. There wasn't any precipitation in the overnight forecast. It wasn't going to happen- not a chance was there going to be icy conditions on the roads.
• Next year conditions will be right and there will absolutely be weather coming that needs preparation for a massive response and officials will shrug and say, Last year we had roads prepped and materials stockpiled and paid workers overtime to be on standby- for nothing. Meh.
• What is wrong with us?

  

  This

  
  

  

  is covered with this. Stupid.

• Women: one of the few things I know about them is if you don't want to argue with them when they want to fight- they assume they've won and you knew you were wrong all along.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

  

  My ginger daughter is a natural at skateboarding.

• The number of Bill Cosby's accusers stand at something like 30-31 now. The sheer number, the perceived credibility of most, the number who have something to lose- by making the allegations, the variation in backgrounds and strata of the accusers and the fact I haven't heard a dollar figure that any of them want make me think- he is guilty as sin.
• A bonus: his holier than thou attitude always seemed at best disingenuous to me especially as it has long been known he was not faithful to his wife. Another thing about this issue- I looked the rape subject up a minute ago for the first time. Otherwise, I have only relied on random newscasts and reading one or two blurbs by the accusers so I am not overly saturated on the subject making me think he seems guiltier than he is.
• Once I saw in print the question asked, "What did he use to drug them?" to which no good answer was provided. I'll make a wild guess- either chloral hydrate or dilaudid or even a combination of the two. The combo would seem plausible as accusers report the effects were both quick acting and long lasting. They both come in liquid form and chloral hydrate at least in the past was surprisingly readily available.

  

  In this droughty apocalypse in which we live these cleats are almost comically sad as a boat couldn't get within a hundred feet of the dock.

  
  

  

  Drag marks where guys have drug their boats down to the water.

  
  

  

  Animals have (probably) died of thirst making the trek down to the new shore of Lake Murray.

Wednesday's Digressions

• For whatever reason I feel the need to for lack of a better term, take care of a very young female friendly acquaintance by buying her lunch, teaching her life lessons and being generally supportive of her- in short, be a friend. Others have serious-kidded me about setting her up to take her down sexually. That isn't true and I can't even exactly explain why- I just think it is what I'm supposed to do for her. My motives may not be entirely pure as I myself don't know exactly what they are but they aren't creepy either. She is literally beautiful but I feel I would treat her the same if she were dog-ugly.
• A connected thinking out loud thought: maybe my motives are basically 100% pure- that is why I treat her so well. I am subconsciously rewarding her for being that one person I am interested in the well being of without thought for material or fleshly reward and that makes me feel good- it makes me feel like a better person.
• Maybe its evolution.
  
  
  

  

  Found at Mineral Wells State Park. Thank you Jesus.

• For the most part my aging arc has followed what we know from human experience and personal observation- my knees are toast, my hair left long ago, my ex wife followed sometime after, I'm tired all the time, I'm more chill about a lot of things and get worked up more about some others... An interesting thing I've taken note of though; I can't get away with wearing a lot of the clothes I like any more as they're too young looking and I would look ridiculous.
• Recently (today is 11/28/2014) as I was cleaning the tub I used the great toe of my right foot to dig into the tile and brace myself as I cleaned. The toe is now swollen and sore. I can guess I have a small bone spur there and the extra pressure finally made it cause a problem. It burns like fire and hurts so bad to walk on it I have altered my gait and now my knee, hip and back are killing me. I'm falling apart!
• Anyway, youth is wasted on young people
• I am still determined to be a cool looking old guy.

  

  Pies I made for Thanksgiving at work.

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• People joke about how dour and depressed looking people from Russia can look in pictures, When you engage in that you're only showing how ignorant you are of another culture. There, smiling excessively is viewed as something a dishonest person does as part of an attempt to manipulate others. They can smile and laugh as readily as anybody- they just don't think you should go around grinning like an idiot all day.
  
  
  
  

  

  A drive by shooting: Great burritos and  terrible lunch plates can be found there.

  
  

  

  My kids being oddly sweet to each other. They're probably setting each other up for a shank to the ribs.

  
  

  

  Coon poop after it ate prickly pear fruits.

  
  

  

  Another drive by: Great Vietnamese and Chinese food to be had there.

  

  I know what it means and I know why it means what it means and where the motto originated and I can guess at what this guys means by displaying the motto but I can't disassociate the murder of Abraham Lincoln from the phrase. 

Monday's Missives

I like shovels and as both a liker of shovels and super home handyman in previous lives I must have owned dozens of them. Sometimes to be able to buy a newer, cooler shovel I would give shovelless friends and neighbors one of mine to justify buying a new one. Now that you know where I'm coming from- behold, the Super Penetration shovel from Garret Wade Tools. Ha, super penetration...

• There is a book out now supposedly written by a Marine who was a guard at Gitmo. A component to the story is the supposed cover up of 3 murders. The lengthy excerpt I read was absolute garbage from the first paragraph. It would not be hard to convince me the guy was never a Marine and heck, he may not even be real. It read like a laundry list of things people who hate the military and the US would want to believe. This would have to be done while also knowing little about how the military operates. A small (to some) detail that was an absolute deal breaker? He referred to other Marines and himself as soldiers- wouldn't happen in any context in a million years. 
• If the guy is real and was a Marine- he is a sociopath.



This chisel knife looks practical. You could dig, chop, cut and hammer with it. How have I made it, lo these many decades without this essential item? I mean I've been doing it all wrong. Where is my credit card...?



Japanese hatchets and saws also intrigue me.  I have heard that carpenters in California sometimes use Japanese hand saws. When I was a framer a sure way to be ridiculed was to have a hand saw- of any description in your trailer. It would surely get you laughed at by the other construction boys.  You might have a kitchen hammer somewhere to tap joists and wall studs into place but if  you didn't have electricity to power your saw and drive your nail gun? Time to roll up and go home. 

• My 7 year old has started a bucket list and this morning (01/18/2015) is taking suggestions.
• Among other things he intends to skydive and go to Disneyland. Interestingly, 4 suggestions from his audience were shot down by him- as he has already done them. He has flown in a private plane, petted a dolphin, swam in the ocean and driven a powerboat. He rolled his eyes because we were of such little help.
• First world kid problems.
• He has also ridden a train- for fun without sharing space with hundreds of other people- on top of the car and as a bonus he had a practically nil chance of getting tuberculosis, hepatitis or malaria during those rides and even less of a chance of getting decapitated or electrocuted.



Good grief. Yes, a laser guided pair of scissors is amazeballs awesome- it is also ridiculous.

• FG's cat is sunning herself behind the sliding glass blinds. She must be chilly from the fur loss after her 70 dollar grooming episode yesterday.
• First world cat problems.



A caliper/pen: buy me this for my birthday. What would I measure with it you ask? I don't know- probably lots of things. Then I could write and tell you about them.

Happy New Yearrrrrrz

• I had a wonderful time for New Years Eve and in fact went to two parties with wonderful, amazing people.
• A lot of the talk centered around one woman's big fake boobs. The talk, woman and presumably boobs were the same as last year. It was funny though.
• Bewbs.
• We played Mexican Train dominoes. I don't know how/why Mexican figured in there- it seemed maybe a way to be vaguely and/or humorously racist but I could be wrong. It was complicated enough to be fun and challenging without being overwhelming or ridiculous.



So yeah- it involved a tiny locomotive and what could wrong with that?.

• An odd flashback: In nursing school a nursing home patient was a tough nut to crack. One of the guys in my class drew him for direct care and making care plans etc. To try and reach him he would play dominoes with him after he discovered it was something the patient really missed. The patient was a machine at the game. It was awe inspiring. I recall after just a few moves the patient would say, We might as well quit and start a new hand.  Why? my classmate would ask genuinely puzzled. With what I'm seeing in play, have in my hand and knowing the way you play and guessing what you have and what is in the bone pile- no matter what I'll win this hand.
• The female host's dog hates men and the neurotic beast would gnaw at my ankle if it sensed my foot getting too close to her mistress.



Not the ankle biter. I called this one George Jones as it looked like a possum.



Another canine in the house- also not the ankle biter. A terrible pic but a good dog. He is old and fat and cool. His name is Shooter. He digs ear scratches, eating tasty people food and sleeping by the fire. All you lady dogs he is available. Just click on the pic to contact him (just kidding- he is a confirmed bachelor).

• My lack of commitment is rubbing off on FG's friends: they serious-teased me about us getting married.
• There were recently deceased deer in the garages of both homes. They both died of a very fast acting lead poisoning.
• One mounted deer head I saw was a big whitetail buck that was shot out of a herd of 10 doe mule deer. The guesstimate is he was 6 years old at the time of his demise. I wonder what was making him shack up with the mule deer? It may be a common thing, I have no idea but I have never heard of it happening and wonder if the company he was keeping played into his longevity. He was ranged at 300 yards by my friend and taken down by a .300 Winchester Magnum. I know 300 yards?! Come on- it was probably more like 80- maybe. Nah, I believe him. After the jolt of the recoil all he could see was the does kicking up rooster tails as they split the scene. He was afraid he missed and the buck was heading for the next county with the does. The guy he was with said, Nah, he didn't move an inch. and handing the shooter his spotting scope said, See his feet up in the air? When they made their way to him he was lying on his back with his legs straight up in the air with Xs across his eyes as his spirit floated upward towards the clouds while playing a harp like a cartoon dead animal.
• Well, the last couple of things may not have been true to the scene but you get the idea.



FG's crunk cup.

• As it also happened last year we watched bad weather roll in and strategized about how to get home alive while still milking the evening for all  it was worth.                                .
• We ate pizza at one house and then at the next there was the hugest ham I have ever seen in my life. I mean really- I don't know why I didn't take a picture but wish I had. It was ginormagantuan.
• The second home had the largest television I guess I have ever seen in a private residence. I have no idea how large it is as every time the subject of it came up the guy host would add a few (or several) inches to the size.
• I sang and danced to this in front of FG. She laughed.



Not New Years but looks fun




Whoa, that is some big air



• Well, welcome to the new year. I'll assure you- this one will be both better and worse than the old.
• Good luck.