Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Wednesday's Digressions

God, what a screwed up world we have created when you have to put up a sign like this on a kids soccer field.

  • A lady on television just said something about the vow of poverty she had taken. That is how you church it up when you have decided- this is it, this is as good as it gets. 
  • Except when I am home- I never drink water that doesn't have lemon in it.
  • Commercials for home care givers always seem to have a young black woman taking care of a little old white lady. It is never the other way around.
    Zac is fascinated with the idea of eating muscadine grapes and has been watching for them to ripen. 
  • I have been assaulted by 3 different exes.
  • One actually tried to murder me. Like how you ask? Well, she tried to stab me in the head with a pair of scissors. She almost got me. I turned in time to see the scissors coming down. 
  • What did I do to deserve that you ask? Nothing- but nice presumption, you sexist pig.
  • Don't British people just call it a scissor? If they do- it makes sense.
    The wily and elusive Red Snapper in its natural habitat.
  • A family of 5 people just came into my Asian place. They smell like dirty sweat, stale greasy food, feet, urine and cats.
  • Madness.
  • An old friendly acquaintance was a babe back in her day. Once she got older she developed a bit of a mom body (although still fine) and then at some point she packed on another say- 20 pounds on top of that. She looked sturdy and kinda burly. She then went through some periods of rapid weight loss and gain. She would go from linebacker to back to pretty fine over the course of a few months and I saw this happen multiple times.
  • My point to that last point? There may not be one but oddly- I did not see her as pretty fine when slimmed down any longer. I saw somebody with a stealth Ernest Borgnine body just dying to pop out- at any moment. 
  • Even more odd- I found  it difficult to trust her.
    In case you were wondering what the inside of a dillers shell looks like.
  • Jim Varney tried to auto fill in that fourth to the last point after the word sturdy and for the life of me I cannot imagine why.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have also committed multiple marriage and can attest that wife#1 did indeed intentionally poison me and I became very sick for half a day. I did not immediately figure out what she had done.

Came home from work one day with wife#2 to discover wife and child had moved to Florida and wife had a new boyfriend. I lost my life savings on that one as well as my son.

Wife#3 hit me over the head with a lamp during an argument. During the course of a heart attack, she stood over me, kicking me in the side, telling me to get up. As is often the case, she told her lawyer I was an abusive brute in order to justify her actions. That wife actually stole personal items of mine and gave them to her brother to pawn. She filed for divorce on a Monday and I was fired from my job (where her father & lawyer were members of the board)on Wednesday. Additionally, her daughter asked her boyfriend to murder me before getting pregnant by the guy then aborting.

I shit you not.

Kev -- you think you've got it bad? There is always a worse story, believe me! Hang in there, pal!

el chupacabra said...

Hey Anon- Wow, great story and we'll told!
You're right.
Thanks for the encouragement

el chupacabra said...

Hey Anon- Wow, great story and we'll told!
You're right.
Thanks for the encouragement

The Donald said...

Kev, you been reading my mail? I bought a lemon on the way home from work today, and then I read your post. Coincidence?

Dayum - between you and anon, I'm not sure I want to go up to the plate a third time (not that the wimmins have been in hot pursuit, so far as I can tell).

The Donald said...

When I let the dog out this evening, I noticed a shell-less armadillo moseying along the fenceline.

el chupacabra said...

The Internet is listening...
I have one more go at marriage in me.
Ha shell less armadillo. A possum?!