I'm going to visit a former patients grave tomorrow- something I've never done before. There are multiple reasons, but oddly the first one that comes to mind is the family sort of included me in his choice of coffin by asking my opinion about the two he had picked before he became comatose. Also, they told me,"He would have loved you and you would have loved him." after I'd already sensed both were true, although during our first meeting he only smiled and said,"I'm OK." and never said another word to anybody. But, maybe more importantly, during an early interaction I sensed that not only were they holding something back, but also I could help them with the same issue if they would just open up.
That's when I said something to the effect, Look I'm just trying to figure things out like you. My feeling is, I'm a big ole fat mess and so are you- we all are, but if you don't tell me what's going on- I can't help you. We are going to spin our wheels, I'm not going to do my job, we are going to part ways and you ladies are not going to start putting your lives together for a long time instead of starting now like you should. Talk to me.
Maybe I got more that I bargained for when 3 middle aged and one elderly lady on cue started bawling and blurting everything out they needed someone to hear, but I guess it was a start...
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