Smol Reptilian American Badass

 

My Most Recent Snake Bites

 

 

Monday's Missives

I'm gonna go in there and get a drink or duros preparados some day.

• Last night (10/16/2017) a friend was supposed to meet me for dinner. While I was waiting for him he texted me and said that he had forgotten he was supposed to meet his wife and daughter in Fort Worth for dinner. So I told my server to scratch waiting for me to order and I made my order. She said, Aww your friends not coming? She then said, Well I'll be your friend- for the next 30 or 40 minutes anyway...
• My first thought was- the last time I heard that I was in a w**** house in Germany ...!
• But seriously, she was being nice looking for a good tip but she didn't have to be that nice and she was genuine. We had a great conversation. It was funny.
• Update weeks later: the more I think about it- that girl was sincerely nice. 
• Dang.
• Somebody I work with goes straight to the restroom as soon as she gets to work and just destroys the place. I mean she stinks up half the building. The weird thing is I think I could pick her out in a crowd of people who would do that. I was simply not surprised she could wreck a building like that.
• _________ Destroyer Of Toilets!
• I wonder what duros preparados are?

Wednesday's Digressions

• Night of the night terrors. What last night might correctly be called. I awoke this morning (06/21/2014) slightly surprised to be alive. Holy smokes. In one dream some kid threw Zac to the ground. I kicked that kid into a river. His dad came looking for me. I had forgotten to carry my pistol that day so had to engage him in hand to hand. He was a lot bigger and meaner looking than me. It ended with me beating him in a campfire. In another I was working in a hospital. A hugely fat mentally ill woman is on the floor and I'm trying to help and no one will answer my calls to assist. She keeps moving forward on floor and every time she does it leaves a print of her vagina on the floor.
• Print came out, "pint" up there the first time. Pint of vagina. There is a mental image for ya. You're welcome.

  

  8 grand will buy you this lil cream puff

• The weird thing about Billy Ray Cyrus is he had a lot of good songs on the radio besides that abortion known as Achy Breaky Heart. People back in the day who thought they hated him because of it didn't know he did multiple songs they loved.
• Oh and yeah, sorry about the earworm I just gave you. 
• I have always wanted to have  completely new, all matching component sound system for a vehicle all of it top of the line and exactly what I want and had determined to get it with the new truck. Of course, I headed straight to Crutchfield.com. Sticker shock caused me to dial it it back a bit but it will still be awesome. It is all Alpine brand and I have owned plenty of cars that didn't cost as much as those components.
• I spend a lot of time in my vehicle, it should last me for years and I'll save a bundle installing myself though.
• Rationalization.

  .

Yesterday at work someone came up to me and said, You are my new best friend! Thank you so much! And then she hugged me. I had no idea what she was talking about. Did I tell her so?

Of course not- I just said, That's great! I'm glad I made your day and thank you for saying so. I really appreciate you.

Oh thank you so much! She said. And then she hugged me really big and tight and long.

I still literally have no idea what happened- nor why.

Honestly, my heart is up in my throat a little bit just at the thought of it right now but I have no independent recall of any action or conversation of mine that could have prompted a response like that.

Hunans are weird.

That  is why I am glad I am from Mars.

Thursday's Thoughts

• An RN I knew once had a email address of something like hot420partygirl69@gmail.com. 
• The previous point is filed under: You must be crazy to do something like that in this day and age.
• In this day and age- what an odd expression.
• Ankylosing Spondylitis is still one of my favorite disease names.
• A nursing buddy gave me her lunch one day as she was leaving work early. Said lunch had a huge human hair in it. I immediately threw it in the trash. The weird thing? Were things different there is a 100% chance I would have wanted to have sex with her and God only knows where my mouth would have been. Why did a hair (that was assuredly hers) in the food freak me out so much?!
• Humans are weird.
• I like that two of my lunch buddies love pickles and I can take care of them by acting a fool and asking for triple+ servings with my meals to hand off to them.
• I've never met a woman who liked Joy Division.
• Once in a Best Buy as both a female and male worker were on and off trying to help me I realized the male was madly in love with the female so I asked, Have you ever asked her out? He said What!? Causing me to reply something like, Yeah it's obvious you're crazy about her- you should ask her out. If you don't- you'll regret it for the rest of your life.
• I wonder about that outcome as much as any other situation that I really did not have any business being involved in that I've ever encountered in my life. It was at least 10 years ago- long enough they are either married with a couple of kids or he lies awake at night regretting that he did not take my weird advice or yeah- he knows he got shot down but so what, he tried and that try has made him a better person in every aspect of his life.
• Or maybe he shakes his head at the memory of that old nosy weirdo...
• I have never in my life in real life seen anyone dunk a donut into a cup of coffee. The only place I seem to recall seeing it is in old movies or TV shows Etc. It wonder if it is an extinct practice or regional and/or chime in if you see it often (or do it yourself at all).
• A college professor of mine would do yards and landscaping during the summer. It was smart on his part but man- that is some incongruity there to me.

Southern Fried Expression

"Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit."

Used to express surprise and also occasionally to express you have a doubt things are as someone wants you think they are.

A passive aggressive thank you card. Huh?! I mean wow- who thought, You know what we need more of in this world!? We need more passive aggression....

• I literally hate my job- with a purple passion I hate my job. I hate using the word hate and I hate that job.

  

  Bloody Razorblade- the name of my new punk rock band.

•  A family member of my nursing buddy is dying. It broke my heart to see her heart breaking. 

  

  Beginning of traffic backup caused by cops pulling people over in rush hour traffic. Dang dudes- I mean come on- that is just dumb.

• Zac loves my big sleeping bag. He has asked that I will it to him in the event of my death. Interestingly, I bought it at Academy while he was with me when he was about 8 months old.

  

  Another late model car with headlights and no taillights.

• A coworker in an allied clinic gets shake voice when we chat and acts nervous.
• It is a tough situation to read. She is either way into me or I give her the creeps. This is sooo true that in spite of the fact she goes out of her way to chat me up- I simply have no idea what is on her mind when we talk. There is a weird vibe and I don't know what to do with it.
• A long ago pizza delivery guy looked like a serial killer. He even had a serial killer knock. It would make you think, Wait- What?! Is that a... cop? No wait- is it somebody that wants me to think they're a cop?!
• A friendly acquaintance is overweight. She will lose large amounts of weight once a year or maybe every few years. She is strikingly pretty and young appearing when heavy but tired and older looking when she loses the weight.
• I have always liked My Chemical Romance.
• I am about ready to give up.
• This is will be set to post 5 years from today (03/01/2018).

Wednesday's Digressions

Believe it or not- I was there. Deep purple was fantastic as was Meatloaf and and Rodgau Monotones. I have no independent recall of Roger Chapman except that he was likely one of the couple of bands the crowd went nuts for that I had not heard of.

• Another old friend I learned recently died a few years ago at the age of 50. When I saw his obituary picture I realized I knew his dad; as he looked just like him. The weird thing is- I have no memory of why I knew his dad- although I can guess (or more correctly, I have a feeling) our dads knew each other. That seems likely to be why we met- our dads knew each other.
• I opposed him as catcher in Little League in Decatur. He was known for his fast pitch. No joke- batters and catchers alike would refuse to face him and start crying rather than face what must have been a 90 mph fastball. My hand is burning just thinking about it. The first time I tried to catch one of his pitches it physically knocked the glove off my hand.
• We bumped into each other through the years in the oddest places- a night club, when he did some work for my mom and even at a doctors's office- in another city. It was always great to catch up with him.
  
• My glove and bat were handed down to me from my brother. I want Zac to use the bat once in a game. The glove may have detoriated by now but only several years ago was still floating in the detritus of my life somewhere. It would be cool to see my little boy handwriting on it where I put my name- I need to dig it up.
• Cheapo medical tape used to be a common wrap on bat handles. You can easily spend 17 dollars on a purpose made wrap nowadays.
• 

  Some people just want to watch the world burn.

• Today I bought a phone and service plan. It cost me over 300 dollars to walk out of there and the phone isn't paid off yet. The 3 black customer service guys tried to get me to buy the last gold cased phone in my model as it would be pimp. They were hilarious and super knowledgeable 
• I wish I had gotten  that phone.
• When I was a kid me and two of the other neighborhood thugs built a clubhouse. We adopted two kittens that wandered up. One was black and one was white. We named the white one Whitie and the black one Blackie. We fed them scraps and cheap cat food. Their farts would stink us out. We blamed each other until we heard the white one do it once. 
• I have no idea what happened to them.
• Pweep- in case you are wondering.
  

  

  Behold- Blanket Man!

• Intense tank verses meat bag action in Syria. 
  
• Or here- if war porn is not your thing, watch the video to, if not my favorite Me First And The Gimme Gimmes's song- it is the one I am listening to right now 04/23/2017 @ 0828.
• That was one clumsily written sentence.