Deep Thought

If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.”

Saturday's Situation

• I just read (4/20/2015) Ben Affleck has supposedly demanded some TV show suppress the fact one of his ancestors owned slaves.
• You gotta take the lumps with your gravy buddy.
• This morning (04/23/2015) I saw a bumper sticker that read, Corporate Media: The Rich Telling The Middle Class To Blame The Poor. That doesn't make sense- does it? Regardless, it isn't a fact nor even just an opinion. It is the product of a world view that I obviously cannot comprehend.
• Also this morning a  guy came so close to striking my mirror as he nearly sideswiped me while he was texting and smoking I literally have no idea how he missed me and then within 5 minutes a lady in a Benz came over into my lane while digging through her purse.
• It is a Mad Max style wasteland out there- I tell ya.
• Loneliness hardly ever bothers me consequently when I do get legitimitely lonely it is crushing and I have a hard time dealing with it.
• To be filed under schizophrenic- literally psychotic:  In Syria, Jihadis funded by the CIA are fighting Jihadis funded by the Pentagon.
•  I weep for the species.

Notable Quotable

"Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. We know more about war than about peace, more about killing than we know about living."

US General Omar Bradley

For Those Who Would NOT Serve

Read this if you have it in you to get a little sad, maybe a little ashamed and generally not feel the same about anything for the rest of the day- from Army Of Dude.

Just A Tuesday

• I know I've played this song eleventy billion times, but man- it's greatness, is great. Chevelle Send The Pain Below. They're one of the only real rock bands in the world.
• I watched the U2 performance where the blind guy came up out of the audience and played guitar on All I Want Is You. There must have been something in the air when it played- sniff sniff. 
• I'd put a link up to the song, but U2 is too terrible for that.
• One morning we were to do a raid a village and jack some bad guys out of their homes who were recent parolees from Abu Graib. We intended to use a gate we'd used a hundred times before at all hours of the night and this one time it was locked. I wanted to shoot the lock off, but one of the Marines with us had bolt cutters- drats. I mean really, I had literally wanted to do that all my life. When I just knew I was going to finally get to do it, it was hard to keep from wetting my pants. It made me want to pee.
• My daughter is nine and can sing like an angel and make up songs like you would not believe.
• It's rained at most of the funerals I've been to in my life. One time I just knew it wasn't going to until a freak cloud stalled over us and it poured for a few minutes then stopped and the sun just beat down on us. I looked around at the miserable mourners- long divorced people holding each other sobbing, one woman, she was just not that emotional of a girl- ever, falling to the ground, her body convulsing in tears, an ex wife of the decedent fainting in her seat and the 2 toughest guys I know bawling their eyes out.
• I would just as soon never go back to that tiny Texas cemetery.
  

  

  That weird looking old Toyota in much better focus.

  
  
  
  
  

  

  The Sharkarosa tram was purpose built to look like an old steam engine. Here is the fake coal.

  
  

  

  Hey buddy, my eyes are up here.

  
  

  

  Pekin duck getting picked on by about a 100 coots and various other type of ducks.

  
  
  
  
  

  

  See no evil. Hear no evil.

  
  

  

  For days I would feel something sticking the bottom of my foot causing me take my  boot off, insole out and socks off trying to find the sticker I was sure was inside my boot.

  
  
  
  
  

  

  This card was found on the sidewalk near my office.

Kevin: My Life And Hard Times: An Autobiograpghy

I was born a poor black child... Ha, I'm kidding. Well, I was born and I was poor, but the other part isn't true. Bridgeport TX played host to my birth and the hospital which saw me in was torn down years ago. The doctor who delivered me was well known for the number of babies he delivered in our area (3000+). Some of my strongest nursing memories are for the interaction of he and I years later. My mom named me from two boys in the newspaper. She did not recall the context of the article(s). I imagined them as street racers who died a fiery death on some back road or as recon specialists with the First Cavalry Division in The Nam.

When I came home from the hospital it was to a dairy my dad worked. I stopped and took pictures of it once after I found out where it was. It was torn down just weeks later.

When we moved in about my second year it was to a tiny house that we referred to as the house between the highways. It was between 287 and business 287 in Decatur. There is a tire store there now. When I was about 18 months old I got out of the house somehow and crossed 287 and was found in the median. The subject came up often- at least into my 30s and after the story would be told, blame would be laid and fingers pointed by those whose negligence nearly resulted in my very early demise. I think it freaked everybody out a little how close they came to losing their little snow flake.

My earliest memory I suppose is man landing on the moon. Everyone kind of rolled their eyes when I innocently mentioned that in front of family as an adult. They could only say,"Oh, I guess you're right." When I recounted in detail everything that happened- my brother took pictures of the tv and recorded the sound on a reel to reel tape recorder, my dad basically telling him that it was dumb to go to the trouble etc.

My best friend and I met the first day of first grade and I got lost on the way home from his house that same day. We had planned most of our childhood to own a used car lot when we grew up. He died in his early 20s. We were planning on bringing him to Germany where I was serving. When he died I was literally lost- in the back of my mind I'd never intended to do anything after the Army but have that car lot there in our home town.

He has been dead most of 30 years and it still literally stops me dead in my tracks and causes my chest to hurt when he crosses my mind.

I had a crush on his sister like no other. We later tried to ruin each others lives by acting on that years and years later. She was pretty and smart- incredibly smart and made tons of money. She was the first woman to ask me to marry her.

From the very early grades if something was wrong with the equipment in a classroom I would look at it and often be able to fix it. Honestly- if I went to the janitor and asked for WD40 or a wrench, a light bulb etc. he would just hand it off to me without asking me anything. He would also asked me to help him with things if he caught me in the hall and in fact ask teachers for permission to pull me out of class sometimes. He was called Froggy. His last name may have been Taylor. He was very elderly and had huge ears and wore overalls every day. He was a very sweet old guy. I'm glad I don't have to live with even thinking a mean thought about that man.

My favorite teacher was a student teacher. I think his name was Minton. He was a C130 gunship crewman in Vietnam. The Renshaw ladies were better to me than I deserved. Mrs McDonald was a music teacher who lived near me. She had a beautiful sloping lawn. When she would play the piano with the window open I'd lie on the ground outside the window and listen while reading.

My classroom was less than 5 minutes from my house. When the last commercial on the Three Stooges would start if I took off running at that exact moment I could then be in my classroom and have time take a couple of breaths before the bell rang.

All I ever wanted to be was a soldier. I can see the news of the fall of Saigon April 30 1975 like the TV is setting in front of me now. I asked my dad to the effect,"Where will I go for a war now!?" He laughed and said,"Son, I'm sure you'll be able to take your pick of wars."

I have in my lifetime: owned a fire hydrant and held a live (and very angry) badger by the tail.

Things I have done that you have not: fired an M60 machinegun, 1917 Browning machinegun, a full auto M14, M3 greasegun, 1914 Thomspon submachine gun, BAR, M1 Garand and M16- all in a single day.


Something else I've done that you have not: a donut in a Camaro- inside a National Guard Armory.


OK one more- single handedly swept and mopped the entire drill hall floor of a National Guard Armory.

One day in the living room as I walked by my trusty golden retriever I impulsively hiked my leg and cut one in his face. He started gagging- not in a clearing his throat, I'll be OK- just give me a sec. guys. kind of way- in a back arching, I simply do not know how he kept from yakking on the carpet kind of way. I hadn't noticed my girlfriend (who would later become my wife) was walking behind me and witnessed my vile act and my poor dogs response. She started gagging. Omigod you're sooo stupid Reeeaack, and disgusting. I can't believe... Rack rack, ooof. Oh my God, you're sick. She turned back down the hall and barely made it to the bathroom before losing her cookies.

Yes, I once made a dog gag and a girl vomit.

My best friend was murdered by another friend. He shot him in the head. The bullet impacted the crown of his forehead right between his eyes. When I think it about it I can still smell Mike's brains on the mantle.

My dad was a strange mix of good and evil.

After his death I went into a tail spin and lost myself for a while. Then I found myself on the East-West German border. I turned 21 on guard duty on the border. Like Decatur, I still consider the city where I lived in Germany a home town. I was very adept at the language and was always used as an interpreter for simpler stuff. When I came home I overheard someone asking a cop in German and very broken English for directions. I was able to ask them where they were from, muddle my way through directing them and wish them well.

Two hi lites of my service in the Army were that I served in both the 1st Cavalry Division and the 11th Armored Cavalry Regiment. They were both units I studied and fantasized serving with from the time I was a little boy. The two disappointments of my peace time service were being accepted into 1st Cav's horse platoon after a test ride and grueling interview, but not being released by my unit to serve and not being allowed to attend Ranger school and get assigned to a Ranger Battalion due to my serving in a critical military occupation specialty.

I could tell you what that specialty was, but then I'd have to kill you.

Younger, pretty Mexican and black women tend to be attracted to me.

I have attended an outdoor performance of  Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture where the BOOM part in the music was played by the firing of an actual Napoleon cannon.

When I meet Meatloaf as I assume we all will some day, I'll say, Do you remember being hit in the face by the Bota bag of wine in Mannheim Germany in 1986? Dude, I'm sorry- you just looked hot and thirsty! He will say, Don't sweat it man. That swig of cold French wine saved my life. Do you want a job as a roadie? I can only pay you a hundred thousand dollars a year.

While no genius, I possess above average intelligence and have a vocabulary that's roughly twice that of the average American.

I have broken: left arm, fracturing both arm bones at my elbow (motorcycle wreck) two toes of my right foot, pinky finger left hand and nose (football), pinky finger right hand and knuckle (fighting), L1 vertebrae and torn ACL (hurt in Iraq). I have some high frequency hearing loss and my ears ring constantly (being proximal to blasts in Iraq). I guess that covers my list of serious personal injuries.

In my life I've been a dishwasher, HVAC tech, carpenter, mechanic, floral design assistant, and delivery driver, city water treatment operator, maintenance worker at a water park, concrete worker, self employed landscaper, electronics technician for Boeing Defense, heavy equipment operator, pharmacy technician, soldier and nurse.

I would have done something else also- something that may have made my fortune, but Clinton's tax increases literally crushed me.

In another life I would have probably been a pretty good: doctor, lawyer, farmer, wildlife biologist, constructor, scientist (researching optics, light and/or weapons), engineer, teacher, cop or firefighter.

OK, I get it- throw in astronaut for good measure.

When I've taken those tests that determine your aptitude for careers, it always come out that I would be well suited for some form of: law enforcement, teacher or military officer.

The JP who married my wife and I was named Plum Rasbury.

Nursing caught my interest both because of interaction with nurses while my eldest was in the hospital as a baby and getting tired of being rained out in my construction work. I am a very good nurse. Presently I do hospice. You know you have a good job when you'd do it for free, but you get paid pretty well to do it.

The job I was working before nursing was a close second in greatness. It was conservation work- building flood control structures. I loved it. There are lakes in the middle of nowhere I helped build that 100 years from now people will be swimming in and fishing from. I also worked on the rebuild of Kickapoo Lake dam. I also worked on the DFW expansion building runway 7L and refinishing Throckmorton Country Club's golf course. In my time in earthen construction I personally moved over 300,000 tons of our world from one place to the next.

My wartime service was a hi lite of my life. I had been out for 5 years when I read the Texas National Guard was mobilizing.  News of the mobilization came from the paper while I was working nights at my nursing job. I told my wife, "The entire division is mobilizing  The scout platoon was specifically mentioned in the paper. I'm sorry, I have to go." she said,"What can I say? I've always known you'd have to go if a war started." You could be killed!", everybody else said. You could be killed crossing the street and anyway, I'd rather die on a battlefield than live at home knowing my country needed me. Also, I had a weird sense If I went, some kid with a future wouldn't have to go.

I did my job well while downrange, made a lot of friends and had a good reputation among soldiers in my unit, even those I did not work with directly. My call sign was CombatKevin. I was also known as CK. Other past military nicknames in various units and postings were Predator, Mr. Clean, Hammer, Kevron and Kevmeister. There are a few others, but I don't know you that well yet. You can determine how well liked or hated you are in the military by the prominence, playfulness and/or viciousness of your military nicknames.

Downrange I got hurt and am now considered disabled. That's been the biggest hit of my life- going from benching 300 pounds free weight (with an under 200 lb frame), to if I pick up Zac incorrectly I'll go straight to the floor. From having 18+ inch biceps with a 44 inch chest to being skinny. From washboard abs to almost having a belly. From being able to run 2 miles in under 14 minutes, to if I forget and take off running to my car while it's raining I'll yelp and get soaked shambling to the car after I hurt myself trying to run. From being kind of a stud at softball and tennis to some days doing well to get from point A to point B...

Sometimes I have to use a cane. Although, the cane has flames going down the sides and can be folded up and placed in my backpack. It's not as cool as you might think though.

The psychiatrist I saw when I cam home from Iraq was named Elizabeth Taylor.

My mom loved me like crazy although she admitted it was hard since I was so much like my dad. If I went out and picked mulberries from the tree in the front yard she'd bake me a little individual cobbler out of them with sugar and biscuit dough. She was 90 pounds of pure, fierce determination. She lived to be 80 years old in spite of smoking like a freight train all her life, although many of her last years were miserable.

She died at 6 o'clock in the morning.

I still miss her.

Weird things about me: I have a vague, gnawing fear I'll someday break my left left leg midway up my shin. Roller coasters terrify me (don't tell anybody, but I've lost consciousness on them- literally- I fainted dead away) Occasionally, I practice writing with my left hand in case for whatever reason I ever lose function in my right. Peanut butter is one of my favorite foods, but the smell of it nauseates me if I smell it while not actually eating it. I have a crazy good memory, although it is tied to a very hard auto delete function. For instance, in my nursing if I'm told I'm cancelled on a patients case and then get surprised by being reassigned two days later to the same person, I may have to ask for the address again as I may simply have no recall of exactly how to get to their house.

I am very good friend and neighbor. Although I don't think I've ever intentionally betrayed a confidence I have trusts a time or two- like everybody has I suppose. The knowledge of those failures though, has made me a better friend than I was capable of otherwise.

I never lie and have only told two in the past 20 years.

My best friend in the world is a published author and screenwriter. We hunt together and share secrets no one else in the world will ever know. He bought me a very nice shotgun once because I was in a tailspin over a horrendous loss in my life- just because he thought it would make me feel better.

Headaches rarely bother me- maybe once or twice a year.

In another life I was a foster parent.

My children are all very smart, funny, interesting, good looking, well built, kind people. My eldest has enlisted in the Army and my 4 year old has stated his intention to do same. My daughter says she wants to be a nurse.

If my youngest hadn't come into my life by now I'd probably be living in Puerto Rico where I would be writing: my autobiography which would mostly be for my family, a horror story idea I've had for years which is so heinous it would get an X rating and be banned in schools and finally, a war novel set in Iraq based on enlargenated versions of my own experiences and war stories other guys told me which might be pretty good.

Generally speaking if I'm well enough suited for an endeavor I don't generally fail at it if I apply myself at all. Also, I'm real good at self assessments- so I'm not real used to dealing with failure. My marriage was a failure. When asked I sometimes say to the effect,"We were two pretty smart people who together could figure out a lot- accomplish a lot and do really smart things, but we acted very foolish in ways and lost it all- we threw it all away." We knew each other for most of our lives- such a shame.

I've spent the last few years figuring out who I am and where I'm going. I've come to the conclusion my best and my worst times are probably ahead of me. In short- I am a human being.

Thanks for reading world. I love you in spite of yourself. I wish you the best and will do whatever I can for you- just ask.

Some Brave Soldier Alone Against The Enemy And A Desert Wilderness

Click to enlargenate

Deep Thought

If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say

Mondays Missives

• A time honored tradition in the military before a deployment to a desert environment in war or peace is to develop heinous stories related to sand fleas, dirt, sweat and everything else you can think of that might get into the hair surrounding a guys man-junk. What is the obvious solution to avoid such atrocities? You shave said area of course (or at least you promise the new guy that's the only sensible solution) "All the old timers will be doing it." you confidently assure them.



• It's funny to see them in a cold sweat, in mortal agony on a patrol in 130 degree heat a couple of weeks later when the area starts getting reforested and/or the shaving bumps start getting bathed in sweat.



• War is heck I always say.



• Still feel great when spellcheck says," No misspellings found."



• I enjoy running a string trimmer (weedeater).



• Isn't Weedeater the best name for a product ever?



• After replacing the nylon string on my heavy duty Toro trimmer one too many times I decided the situation called for something more durable and looked to a fine stainless steel cable. The first effort lasted seconds before the ends were frayed and unusable. I placed some splicers on the ends of the cable and formed a small loop with them at each end. The results were amazing for about 5 minutes then the cable snapped off neatly and evenly with the trimmer head. I heard the pieces whirring off into the distance but, never found them even though I looked everywhere in the yard and all the way out to the street behind where I was working.



• I'm sure even Thomas Edison had his off days.

Mondays Missives

• It seems the more benign the commenter or blog writer the more vicious the comments will be directed at them.



• Yay I got my office back!



• Well, sort of the baby as been sick so when I get up with him that's where we go and that's the only place the big kids can watch movies and use the internet.



• Crap, it's worse than before.



• I wish I had an office.



• My oldest borrowed my laptop last night and this morning there was still a usb cable hanging off it- he must have pulled some of my music for his mp3 player.



• That's cool.



• Showed some of my pictures from The War to someone the other day: simply horrific I can say now but, I wonder most what it made her think about me personally.



• I'm pretty sure nothing can change a person like war or prison but, I believe the consensus is the change can be positive or negative and that depends on the individual.



• Laws and policies based on fear and misunderstanding really bother me and one example that comes to mind is the use of anabolic steroids. The words alone conjure images of roid rage, exploding hearts and damaged livers. The truth is millions of people in the US alone have used them without becoming violent. It is unclear how associative heart damage is to steroid use, there are ways to overcome the potential anyway and liver damage in users is always associated with oral use of extremely high doses. Also, most evidence against there use is anecdotal- no scientific studies (especially when first criminalised in the early nineties). During that time even the DEA and FDA were reluctant to pile on and testified against there criminalization.



• My thinking was first challenged on that subject by guys I knew who were using them when I was working out- smart people who never murdered anybody, their hearts never exploded and heir livers never fell out in the shower. Also, there are two doctors local to me who I know will tell you off the record how to use them if you know them and ask.



• Another bothersome aspect to this subject: when I worked out I got big quick- 18.5 inch biceps and as I recall 44 inch chest (Arnolds biceps were 22 inches for comparison) people would pull me aside and be really concerned I was using steriods and would hurt myself. Good grief.

Missives

What did he have to lose?

What did they?

• It's November 11 Veterans Day and my yard just got mowed. I don't know which is crazier thinking about my wartime service or mowing the yard in what is for all intents- winter.



• Once when I was a kid in the Texas National Guard in Decatur Texas there was a Veterans Day celebration and I was the Soldier, a classmate was the Marine, a friend was the Airman and a co-worker was the Sailor for the start of the parade, music, political bluster etc.



• God, I was 17 when I enlisted- what a kid.


• Lord, I was 40 when I finally fought in a war- what an old man.



• Someone called earlier who I didn't know even knew I had served and wished me well for Veterans Day- nice. Man, that was real nice actually.



• I went because it was my time to go and my country needed me- does anyone think like that anymore?



• I've heard people say,"I'm not going to get myself killed for..." If you wouldn't die for your country, what are you living for ? Really, WHAT WOULD YOU GET KILLED FOR? In the end, it's the man to your left and right anyway and if a person can pass up the opportunity to understand that, I pity you.



• Wonder what the 300,000 plus American men who died in WWII had to live for?



• Warfighting is one of the few timeless things in our history that there is no way to get a grasp on without having been.



• I've seen men vomit from fear before going on a mission to a bad area but, they went and I know who they are and honor them nearly every day in various ways and thoughts. I'm thankful that there are men in this world who know a little of what I'm made of and probably have the same warm thoughts about me from time to time.



• There are people alive in this world because of my service who would have died and I'm proud of that.



• There are people over there whose lives were made better by some personal efforts of myself and others and that will always warm my heart.



• There are also things I think I will take to the grave with me and I doubt that feeling will change.



• You wouldn't understand if I tried.

Fridays Dispatch

• A prediction: In our lifetimes wars will be fought over drinking water rights-in our hemisphere (as in Mexico). It will start as more or less riots then it will become a civil war.
• This will shock us and get our attention more than the wars there'll be over water in Africa and the Middle East.
• We'll still feel insulated because it's over there
• My baby boy just got back from the doc. The place on his head is just a hemangioma- a birthmark that arises after birth. It has it's own blood supply so when he scratches it off, his bed looks like a crime scene photo from one of those tawdry old, true crime magazines.
  
• He only scratches it off in his sleep.
• Saw a Ribbon Snake in the yard while watering Wednesday. I tried to catch him to relocate him to some place safer-he failed to see the humor and bit at me ( he was too small to really get me) like a rabid Cobra.
• I have no idea how many times I've been bitten by snakes.
• Last weekend my house was full of life during a shower for a girl pregnant with twins-a boy and a girl. The boy died the other night in the womb. The mom said,"Save Zac for my girl, she'll need a good boy to protect her, he's beautiful and smart and I only hear good things about him.
• A boat of any real size laid up on dry land catches my interest, a huge ship fascinates me,wonder why?
• Justin Timberlakes solo stuff is amazing. I may gush over it partially because I'm surprised at just how good it is but, it's mostly because it is that awesome.
• Another prediction: 30 years from now he'll be constantly compared to Frank Sinatra.