Wednesday's Digressions

• "Kavya Shivashankar wins National Spelling Bee after successfully completing the "Fill In your name" portion of the application."
• Fark headline- 
• I know someone who was referred to CPS for an injury their child received and which they subsequently sought treatment for but, this is not the point at which hilarity ensued.
• That started when the social worker came to the house and mom still had  Child Abuser playfully written on her arm by a family member who had been teasing her mercilessly about the ordeal.
• The great grandmother whose funeral was held recently was posed with her head turned slightly toward the viewer and a faint smile on her face.
• Different.
• Love having a couple of old friends who were funeral directors- lots of interesting stories and inside scoop.
• An old schoolfriend was the funeral director for my mom. Who would have ever guessed when essentially our entire 3rd grade class once got in trouble for having a rock fight on the playground we'd meet again under such circumstances? I think the teacher must have ducked into the lounge for a smoke and the rocks went flying. It's a wonder someone wasn't killed.
• You're dating yourself I guess- if you remember teachers lounges that smelled worse than any bar.

Literally Funny- Get It? I Kill Myself Sometimes

Monday's Missives

• Is there anything any better than you're motoring down your favorite highway (or byway) driving way too fast and before you know what's up- Ponch and John whip their unit around, hit their lights and just as you are mentally looking for your license and papers and wracking your brain for that just right excuse that might help them have mercy on you- they blast right past you on the way to another call? I mean really- isn't that greatest?



• It's like winning the lottery.



• However, that reminds me- I will never lie or really even try to get out of a ticket in any way and I think that attitude has actually gotten me out of a lot of tickets. A little humor and a little respect can go a long way.



• No, really.



• There used to be two troopers in our area (Decatur TX) that were partners and were famous around here for their good looks. Really, they looked like recruiting poster models. One honestly looked a muscled up Zac Efron. I don't know how many women I've heard talking about them saying things like,"Either one of them could give me a ticket any day!"



• Sorry ladies, I don't think you are either one of their type.



• I've had food poisoning three times from restaurants.



• There aren't words.



• There is a BBQ joint near me that I get asked about a lot. People find out where I live and they'll say,"Oh, is that place any good? I've always heard it was good but, never got over there to try it." etc.



• Making me relive the time I went there and found a nice, big, long, curly, springy pubic hair in the take home container of beans.


• Thanks.



• It was black on one end and gray on the other and impossibly long for a pubic hair.



• I mean epically long.



• Good God, how does that happen? I mean as inexcusable as it would be in itself you could understand a head hair, a mustache hair, an eyelash but, good grief- a pubic hair?

Monday's Missives

• How poor was I you say? I was so poor that when I would buy the 2 for .99 hot dogs with ashtray and cushion change I would pile on ridiculous amounts of onion, saurkraut, mayo, picante sauce and mustard just to have that something extra to eat. And thank you for that opening by the way.




• I gave my son a limited edition, autographed book that was printed with special inks on archival paper etc. for Christmas- he loved it.




• I can get something right on occasion.




• In the past I could keep two books going at once and never use a marker.




• Now, I can forget I've even started a book in the first place.




• Still puzzled by the fact I've never made a New Years resolution- in my entire life.

Wednesday's Digressions

Meet my grandparents James and Nancy.

They had a punk rock band

Until she realised he had stopped being about the music and sold out to The Man.



• "Brian hears a noise."


• Clip title on hulu for the show Ghost Hunters.


• Good grief- it's 2009 AD not BC!
• And anyway, O M G- Brian hears a noise !?
• Get my attention- make a documentary from Iraq or Afghanistan and have that be a chapter or clip title.


• Saw the picture of President Obama supposedly ogling some female teenagers backside- along with the video it was jacked from. There was nothing to it, absolutely not even an untoward glance.


• Latest so bad it's good movie to watch: Giant Spider Invasion. It stars The Skipper whose first line is something like,"Hey there- lil buddy!" It also stars Barbara Hale as a scientist which I thought was pretty cool for being filmed pretty far back in the day. When I was a little kid I had a crush on her as Della Reese in Perry Mason.


• Freezer- Expensive metal box we put things in so they'll be frozen solid when we throw them away- 2 years from now.


• Refrigerator- Expensive metal box we put things in so they'll be stinky, hairy and green when we throw them away- 2 weeks from now.

Monday's Missives

• While looking for a movie on .99 cent day I saw that guy Toby Keiths movie Beer For My Horses on the rack.
• Instant deflation.
• Everybody loves the patriotic songs of both he and Lee Greenwood.
• Except the troops.
• I promise you.
• Bought the little ones a ginormagantuan, megalithic Little Tikes playground set with 2 slides a tunnel and plenty of climbing features.
• Hero.
• Zac is unsure of the big slide still.
• Never knew any of my great grandparents.
• I would be a garbage man and ride on the back of the truck and pick up the trash in a minute.
• In fact- it's still a back burner type goal I truly intend to make happen when the time is right.

Friday's Dispatch

• While I'll admit I can get as cranky as anyone else, overall I'm pretty calm- often too much so for my own good I'm sometimes reminded but, few thing in this world could make me ##^&&%%$#! madder than the above. Crazy, makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.


• Baby played with the water hose and a spray nozzle by himself for the first time today and watered the yard real well while getting himself wet. I sat on the porch in my rocker and watched.


• Contentment:" 1.the state of being contented; satisfaction; ease of mind.
  2.Archaic. the act of making contentedly satisfied."


• Not working as much as I'd like- will have to find something else if it doesn't pick back up.


• Great thing about my profession.


• I don't know what they think of it now but, there are a few nurses who went into nursing largely due to my influence although of course they had thought about it before on their own. I might have given that final push. There are few things that made me feel as good as seeing them out in their practice making a good living.


• Going to buy new tools for a brake job on the turd bomb. Tired of trudging back and forth digging through stuff for tools I then don't find because they were lost long ago. This time I'm going to take care of them and keep them in one accessible spot.


• Whatever.
• My oldest patient now was 4 weeks short of 101 years old.
• My youngest: 4 weeks short of 6 months.

Worst Valentines Day Present Ever Contest - Hallmark

"I guess I should have wondered why he was never free on Friday night …… My boyfriend sent me a beautifully framed picture of him and another girl. He sent, also beautifully framed, OUR picture to his OTHER girlfriend. This is how I discovered that he was pretending that I was his one-and-only. (Maybe it was because I hadn't yet discovered Talbots!) Painful, but liberating. That never happened to me again.Martha "