Monday's Missives

• Recently (today is 02/08/2016) I had determined to buy a particular piece of outdoor equipment that listed for 120 bucks. As I was about to log onto my REI account to order it I took note of a similar product that was 30 dollars. It wasn't my favorite color (read- it didn't look as cool as the first product) and lacked a feature or 2 the other had but it was one fourth the cost and would do the job 93-98% as well as the more expensive product. It had me buffaloed. I still have not ordered either.
• Update (02/16/2016) so I went back to look at the object of my consternation. The 30 dollar one was no longer listed- at all. Assuming it was sold out but wanting to think the purchase over I went back later to reconsider the more expensive product. What was the first thing I saw? The 30 dollar product was then listed for 69.95...
• A person we knew as aunt when I was a kid has died. She was one of the few remaining links to my childhood. Her name was Daisy. I called her Daisy Duke or Daisy Waisy which made her laugh. When I visited her a few years ago in a hospital and then later a nursing home she would tell staff I was her boyfriend. She was hilarious and awesome. Road trips to her house in East Texas were a big deal when I was a kid and came as often as not from me and my sister wearing our parents down with begging to go as being their idea. In the yard of my ancestral home there are still multiple 20 foot tall evergreen trees my mom mucked from East Texas and carried back to Decatur in Coors cans that had the tops cut off by my dad.
• Someone I know is being asked to be involved in a wrongful termination/whistleblower lawsuit. Said someone has asked my opinion. My well reasoned and articulate response was, Avoid that like the plague. She is going down and wants to take you with her. She wasn't smart enough to consider the consequences for herself when she got fired and doesn't care at all what this would do to you.
• Trust me; I'm almost a lawyer.
• Recently I met somebody whose husband died 8 years after an IED blast near his head caused him to start having severe seizures. He had 5 children.
• Occasionally I still have a dream where I am suddenly transported to my Humvee in Iraq. It is dark except for the ghostly glow of the dash lights. As I look over at Blake my driver I know he is going to die. He looks ghastly. Every time I glance back at him he decays a bit more. He asks me for a dip and I oblige by handing off my can of Copenhagen. There ain't enough for both of us sarge! he says. I'm good man, save enough to freshen up my dip and I'll be good. I reply. He hands the can back to me and without saying a word he smiles through shattered and missing teeth. His face is shredded. I take a dip to add to that already in my mouth. It tastes good but also oddly salty with a bit of dirt flavor. I glance back over and see him starting to slightly slump to the side. I know I am killing him by trying to savor this moment. While looking down to my map (which I can't really see) the Humvee whines and kicks as it shifts. The terrain to my right looks like the surface of the moon as moonlight lights the desert floor. Tears start streaming down my face. I don't want this moment to ever end. I don't want this moment to go on another second.
• Then I awaken.

Monday's Missives

• Seeking a Friend For The End Of The World is a sweet and very good movie.
• When I see a book book by Stacy Schiff or see her name in print somewhere for some reason I think of Nora Ephron. I say,"some reason" because I presume there is one- although I have no idea why I make that seemingly odd connection.
• You can look it up if you want but sex offender registries do not work as intended and are counterproductive in multiple ways. Those are 2 facts related to that issue I presumed intuitively when I first of heard of the idea years ago and I would still be shocked to learn those registries help in any demonstrable way.
• My coffee cup is positioned on my chest as I write this lying in bed. It was nice at first as I could smell it but due to adaptation that effect is gone- but at least it is very handy.
• Ads for Dick's Sporting Goods have started randomly appearing in my mailbox.
• Saturday night (today is 12/19/2016) we camped at Mineral Wells State Park. My truck thermometer- which is usually pretty close (+/-3 degrees) to actual temps said it was 11 degrees Sunday morning. During the day Sunday when we got home it was hard to get my perceived body temp. regulated. Stepping outside for a minute would have me feeling like I was freezing to death. I would come back in and feel like my skin was on fire, then I would start shivering so I would jump in the tub, then I would start sweating bullets...
• Sunday I saw an ex girlfriend's profile pic on a dating website. Interestingly, she used a pic she took while we were together- I remember exactly where we were and what we were doing when she took it. So a note to whoever ends up with her- that content, confident, satisfied and happy look she has on her face that made you think you wanted to be a part of her life when you saw her picture? Yeah- that was all because of me.

Friday's Dispatch- The Dregs

• I've slept outside with my son 4 nights recently no tent just a sleeping bag a blanket a 90lb dog a 15 month old boy and me. I have to tell the dog to lay down on the corner of the blanket or he'll sit beside us just watching over us. He sits with his rear end touching my leg and pushes back hard. The touch must comfort him, it seems important to him anyway.
• Three nights in a row I've heard a cottontail rabbit screaming as something kills it. If you ever hear that sound, you'll never forget it.
• All four nights coyotes have started howling 50-100 feet away from us, setting all the neighbors dogs off.
• In the morning after these nights I feel strangely refreshed as well as no surprise-beat.
• A recipe for you: peanut butter on toasted whole wheat bread with sliced bananas and sugar frosted corn flakes. You'll be surprised.
• Even strangers say, You need to get an agent for him (my baby), he needs to be acting or modelling! What would they say if he was unusually ugly instead of unusually attractive? I had a friend once whose child when a baby was I guess pretty ugly. I remember her nickname was ALF after the TV show about the alien who crash landed in the Tanner family garage and then lives with them while trying to repair his craft. She's grown now, very smart and strikingly beautiful. She's in college and will make the world a better place when she graduates.
• The best women to be around according to most guys are those that when young were ugly but, grew into being beautiful. They had to develop personality, a sense of humor and are usually not full of themselves. How does a guy find someone like that? A Craigslist ad?
• Above from an draft clean up day.

Wednesday's Digressions

In the entrance to Rodeo Goat

• Recently the director of an organization we work with came to learn more about how we operated so we could coordinate services better. She reeked of dirty feet. I mean- there was a heat associated with it and it would put a taste in your mouth.
• We went to Cracker Barrel yesterday (09/06/2014). It cost 50 bucks for 4 of us to get out of there. I would rather have a peanut butter sandwich, banana and  glass of milk for breakfast about 4 times and then use the 200 bucks for a road trip or buy some new gear.
• My next 3 in 1 coat has Thermoball in the nomenclature. Eeew, that sounds nasty but it looks awesome.

  

  God's eye phenomenon. FG says she thinks about Heaven every time she sees one.

  
  
• There is a chill in the air in the morning and evenings and that is alright in my book.
• I deferred a camping trip yesterday due to storms in the area. It wasn't all that bad overnight- I wish we had gone. The kids were basically begging to go. I'm lucky that way.
• Your unsolicited outdoor parent advice for the day: Make it all about them and you will have a better time yourself. Be patient.  Let them swim and play with fire- whatever and they will be begging you to go instead of you dragging them out of the house.
• My eldest son is jacked and has cool tattoos on his arms. He is like a more muscular, smarter, cooler, better looking and more tattooed version of me. I hope he realizes what a gift this American life is.

  

  Found during my RV search. Why?

  
  

  

  Search continues. Whattha?! 

  
  

  

  Another day another search for the deal. Reaaaack.

• The Alpine speakers have gotten better sounding over time. I have heard or read somewhere there is a break-in period for higher quality speakers but didn't believe it. I could be convinced it is my imagination but I'm nearly sure they sound richer with less distortion than when I installed them.

Thursday's Thoughts

The Timberland SQ2. This is actually the tent when somebody says tent.. The tent covered by a rain fly is below.

It battens down nice and snug and is exceptionally well ventilated

It is an easy 2.5 person tent

especially with the vestibule which is accessible from the interior.

• A couple of days ago I saw a pic on a news browser with a description to the effect, " Fans line up to exchange Rice jerseys". There were hundreds of people. I literally have no idea who Rice is or what he is accused of and I am quite sure I am all the better for that fact.
• Wait, by osmosis I think I have learned he was the one who beat up a girlfriend- right?
• We're watching Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure.
• Party on-dude.

  

  An old video camera which surfaced from the detritus of one of my former lives recently. It was purchased to film me and my buddies machine gun competition performance. A former in law threw the charger way after I left it at her house. When I asked her about it she said, I didn't know what it was, so I threw it away.

  
  

  

  It was noted to be in the bag of recycles in the bed of my my truck.

  
  

  

  Since we were camping as is so often my wont I challenged myself to a thought exercise- to wit: What would we do  if we were stranded on a deserted island with only a dumb, ancient video camera?

  
  

  

  At least we wouldn't go hungry

  
  

  

  and I would feel less sad and bummed out while rockin' my awesome bracelet and you would have somebody to look up to who is accessorized cooler than you.

  
  

  

  We could use this quite powerful lens to look at bugs and stuff. Or yeah, I guess we could start a fire or whatever. Quit shivering you big whiney baby.
• A few days ago as of this writing (09/23/2014) I learned William Tweed embezzled as much as 200 million dollars- in the 1870s. That is bind moggling. I knew Thomas Nast's cartoons were part of his downfall but I also learned their omnipresence led to his identification after he fled and was found working as a seamen on a Spanish ship. He died in jail of pneumonia
• On 08/29/2014 I wrote in my journal of truth justice and the American way: "People oddly get offended when I won't let my children watch a movie the offended party has determined is OK for their children to watch. Just because you feel guilty doesn't mean I have judged you as such."

  

  A great comfort product with at 2.5 ounces a very low weight burden. It is an REI branded inflatable camping pillow. It won't work well in a bag that doesn't have a hood and a pillow pocket type hood is even better but I love it. There are some ideas bouncing around in my head-brain to keep it in one place overnight. Place a dab of Velcro in my sleeping bags and on the pillow might be a solution but I don't know.  Somebody smart tell me what I should do please.

  
  

  

  Big Agnes Double Z-Core mat. Get one yesterday if you camp at all- even if you use a cot. Inflated it is 4 inches thick of awesome. It has a two piece valve that allows inflation without air loss then very rapid deflation when it is time to head back to civilization. Get the wide/long. You'll find it in REIs awesome section.

  
  

  

  I almost always lay everything out as we pack up to head to the casa. Everything gets cleaned and repacked. Trash and dirties are separated and I consider what did and did not get used, what might work better etc. It only hit me on my last trip- it is a holdover from the Army. Interesting.

• Scatter brained or scatterbrained? Oh, according to my spell check it is all one word.
  
  
  
  

  

  In the back seat of my truck. Some things just because you can do them doesn't mean you should- others, because you can- you absolutely must.

• This morning (09/24/2014) on the way to work I tapped my brakes a bit causing the orange in my passenger seat to fly off and shoot forward like it had been shot by a fruit cannon. It's friend the apple I took note remained in place. Later a woman thought it best to pull over into my lane and stop- as quickly as she could. The apple flew forward when I braked. I saw it take off, heard it bounce around and I assumed it turned into applesauce somewhere under the seat. The problem is I can't find it. No, I haven't turned the truck upside down and shook it out- but a good 5 minute search was fruitless.
• Ha- fruitless- get it?!
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

  

  In the morning it was slightly bruised looking but not soft in the least. When I got home it looked like this. I blame ebola.

  
  

Monday's Missives

The theory is that is a space ship over Washington's right shoulder. My guess is if we dug it would be found to be something much more pedestrian and possibly Bible based imagery but I'm not sure.

• For back pain sufferers it is hard to go wrong with a high quality air mattress. Forgo the Intek brand,
  spend a little more and get a Serta. The queen size is about a 150 bucks and a thing of beauty. I first bought one for the kids to use when they came over and checked it out one day at nap time and have slept on one since. Queen frames, toppers and sheets etc. fit them like a traditional mattress. You can get them at Walmart online with free shipping.
• I'm lightening my gear and a buddy has been scoring big on my heavier camping items. Some I give him, some I offer cheap. He hasn't turned down either.
• I may also sell Big Agnes as my closet looks like Campmor and REI got drunk together, hooked up and then vomited their guts up in there. The vestibule to her has never even been out of the house.
• We love the Timberline Eureka! tent. The setup is very intuitive and ventilation great.
• The REI XT85 is a great- great large volume pack. It is like I designed it myself. 
• The other day I stumbled on a yoochoobs playlist for Clutch. I listened for hours to them- great, great music.
• It is quiet in the house. Everyone is asleep except for me. It is like I'm alone in the world but I know I'm not- and it is a good feeling.
• There are green-ish logs in the fireplace I have been trying to get lit for 2 weeks now. What a mess it will be to clean it out when fireplace season is totally over. Although, if Spring is ever going to get sprung it needs to get on the stick and get it done- it is March 29, 2014 and in the mid 40s outside.
• It is odd to me when people compliment other on having pretty eyes or nice hair when the eyes are colored contacts and the hair is extensions- so what? It isn't a matter of time spent taking care of natural hair or even good genetics. Colored contacts are popped into the eye or another persons hair or synthetic imitation is weaved into the hair after paying a lot of money the person maybe could not really afford.

We assault the outback of Mineral Wells State Park at dawn Saturday morning. I am now fully geared up and have everything I need for a life outdoors and am only lacking for a few things I want. Included on my packing list and your next must read- if you know what is good for you is, River Of Doubt a history of TRs expedition to the Amazon River. It is a great- great book. I woke up early to resume it after staying up way late and crashing out with it in the bed.

Wednesday's Digressions

My idea of a perfect hot rod. The paint color, wheels, tint and ride stance - it is perfect in my book.  Drop a lightly cammed, otherwise stock-ish big block in it with a stout tranny and give me a pocketful of cash for gas and I'd be good to go. Eeeew- I said, "stout tranny."

• The Syrian Civil War a 5 minute primer.
• Like nailing jelly to kittens- my newest expression I use every chance I get when I need to express an impossibility.
• I heard some newer Steven Wright the other day. It was terrible. He got a rousing ovation when some of his previous genius tried to shine through. It was purely polite applause- the audience was embarrassed for him and felt uncomfortable.
• The lovely Lady O reminded me of the turkey drop episode on WKRP In Cincinnati titled Turkeys Away. Interestingly, although the details have been lost in time, ( Was  it a shopping mall in Atlanta or was it a church in Dallas? Were they dropped from a truck or yes, a helicopter? ) it supposedly really happened in real life.

  

  Interesting factoid-  I jacked this from Lady O. If it is true I had no idea.

• On a Saturday in 2060- my Death Clock day of death which at 96 years of age sounds very ambitious and highly unlikely.
• The oldest known joke goes back 2000 years to the Sumerians, "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."
• Potty humor never goes out of style as it has apparently- always been in style.

  

  Found hanging from my office door handle with an Xmas card. 

  
  

  

  An owl pellet. They regurgitate all non digestible matter into this pellet called fittingly an owl pellet so yeah, it is basically mouth poop.

• For some time I have had this idea of making a hammock out of nylon using climbing rope for suspension. I offhandedly mentioned this to a friend having no idea she works part time at Joann Fabrics, meaning an employee discount and access to coupons. She also likes to sew and has a decent machine. She wants to help make some of them (one for each of my children, FG and myself) and doesn't want any  money for the work. If I had to judge that situation from the outside, it obviously would look like I was fishing but honestly I had no idea she worked there on the weekends and some evenings. There is no way I'll let her do it for free but I look forward to seeing if my idea works. It will have a built in shelter and bug net and be cooler than anything you have ever seen in your whole life.

  

  An iconic scene from one of my favorite movies From Here To Eternity. Think of how many times you have seen this still used to prove or illustrate a hundred different things.

Monday's Missives

How to tell if pasketti noodles are done- take a strand and throw it against the cabinet door. If it sticks you're good to go.

• 11/24/2013 My moms first name was Vera- she hated it. 
• It is freezing rain outside. Although it is a ridiculous thought because I would be miserable, I wish I were in a tent somewhere dragging myself out of a sleeping bag.
• The best Army slang for anything? A sleeping bag is called a fart sack. Isn't that the best?

  

  I found this little skull, drilled it out and glued it onto this pencil and gave it to the medical records clerk in my office for Halloween.

  
  

  

  Found in Town Creek. Those are crumbled up soda crackers. 

  
  
  
• 11/23/2013 at 2132 there is a simply awful SYFY movie on called Stonado. The premise seems to be there is a tornado that is full of stones. Said stones explode when they're touched after landing. There are not words for how terrible that movie is. The actors seem mostly competent but literally mortified to be in that abortion of a movie.
• We had passable crepes at the Country Ranch Cafe (I think that is what it is called) on Main street. The coffee was exquisitely terrible though. It was so bad it was interesting to savor the flavor and ruminate over the cup- it even smelled bad.
• Last night (11/22/2013) I went into the attic to oil that screaming turbine. There was a grizzly bear wolverine squirrel face to face with me when I first drug myself up. He was huge. I didn't get a picture but I did get a picture of the sparrow it had torn to shreds and left in front of it's nest. He stretched himself out behind a joist to hide from me after leaving the nest.

  

  Camping pro tip: Shove silk underwear and a beanie into a pair of wool socks and roll them up in your sleeping bag.  They'll make a little pillow when it isn't too cold and be easier to find and be all in spot to get into them easily when it is freezing up in there.

  
  
  
• We went to Copper Creek last night (11/20/2013). The food was good, the atmosphere great and the music awesome. Kirk House was there jamming. We carried the last part of the show with him by making all the requests. I requested Jolene- in the manner of Jack White. He played around with it for a minute but felt like he hadn't practiced it enough to play it publicly. We requested Country Boy Can Survive. He busted out laughing and said, OK, I'll try not to blackify this too much but if I do, don't hold it against me- it just comes natural. He is a good, super talented guy.
• I want  love to walk right up and bite me grab a hold of me and fight me leave me dying on the ground.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

Thursday's Thoughts

• Yesterday we had maybe the most perfect camping experience at Turner Falls. We made a fire and had smores before we crashed in our hammocks which were strung in juniper trees where we could hear the falls. The night was perfect- quite chilly but our teeth weren't chattering or anything. This morning we stoked the fire and made hash browns, eggs, bacon and sausage which we washed down with energy drinks and Powerades that had cooled overnight in Honey Creek- perfect, perfect in a way that I have not had many perfect times like that in my whole life.

  

  Campfire in front of our secret Cave Of The Shadows

  
  

  

  We could hear the falls bubbling from here, the beavers splashing in the water and the owls hooting. I slept like a baby.

  
  

  

  Camping pro tip: build cooking fire so it burns lengthwise and place flat stones along it's axis. Slide pot down as it burns or push it the other way to tone the heat down in the dish.

  
  

  

  Walnut with husk on it?

• A thing now is for women to get a tattoo on their foot that as something about standing their ground, walking on their own two feet, the Lord carrying them, I walk alone...
• The beard comes off tonight.
• Camping pro tip: when you roll up your sleeping bag leave; clean synthetic long underwear, wool socks, beanie hat and some hand warmers inside- you won't regret it. I mean really- you won't hate yourself for always doing those little things.
• PS take some Febreze  fuzzy vanilla spray to shoot into the bag before you crawl into it.
• Mmmmm vanilla. Mmmmmm fuzzy .
• Wow, this weekend flew by.

  

  I wish I could read his mind. He stared at his shadow cast on a towel covering that chair for minutes. Anyway, look at those shorts, the pose and he drives an Aztek!? Come on - he rawks!

• An old Army acquaintance was from Mount Pisgah North Carolina. I always thought I'd end up there and look him up but I haven't done so yet. I randomly looked up another guy years after we parted ways when I randomly passed through his small hometown in another state. I asked about him at the convenience store. They knew him and directed me to his house but we got lost-ish and ran out of time to find him.

  

  Mantis have interested me since I was a kid. If you present them with a tiny bit of hamburger they will eat it right out of your hand. This guy was living in a pond cypress near Holland's Lake.

• 10/22/2013 @0106 edit: I just recalled- it was Lagrange Tennessee.

  

  You look like you could use a nice sunset right about now. 

• Getting tattoos in place of your eyebrows is retarded but that surprised expression way women are doing them today is ridiculous.
• Madness: gunman dressed in a clown suit kills drug cartel leader at  party.