Friday's Dispatch

I don't know where to start.

• The case I'm working now is unbelievably hard. He has a very- very high acuity level and the case is inherently sad. Also- he has C-difficile infection making him explode in a cloud of brown goo about every 20 minutes.


• Code Brown.


• Note to future patients: just because I kept you cracking up, was unnaturally patient with the situation and we learned each others life stories does not mean I want to drive an hour to be destroyed for twelve by coming back. Believe me it was way more fun for you than me.


• I'll be back. If you know nothing else about me- know I'm a slow learner and a glutton for punishment.


• Did I mention I flipped a bedpan full of doo-doo all over me and had to wear some ridiculous high water polyester sweats while the patiwents wife washed my stuff?
• Patiwents? Ha- patients.


• It was AWESOME!
• Recently two different women at two different times leaned in and confided in a conspiratorial/attempted humorous tone how they gutted their ex husbands in the divorce. Believe me that's less than attractive.
• Most recent woman who seems interested in me is maybe 25, is covered in tattoos and has no children.
• What could possiblie go rong?
• Zac has caught four fish this year. We go to Denny's every morning before we go fishing. He asks for , "Orange juice and stwawbewees pwease!" every time. He is such an awesome person.
• Big brother spent a lot of the summer wake boarding behind a Ski Nautique. Man oh man. That colicky baby I drove around in my awesome 1988 Camaro at all hours of the night so at least one of us could get some peace and quiet is 6 ft+ tall dark with perfect teeth and is chasing girls on the lake while wake boarding.
• Simply unbelievable.