Friday's Dispatch

• Man, there is nothing in this world like shooting a MK19.


• Weird dream: I'm hunting with a nursing friend and old Army buddy. We walk by a Rangers game in progress. Pudge Rodriguez is the catcher and Nolan Ryan the first base coach. My friend says, Don't shoot around here- we don't want to get busted for shooting a Yu Darvish out of season! I look to my left it's the Rangers ball game. I look to my right, it's an African plain. We see a herd of warthogs, my friend unleashes on them with an M16 and misses. I look to our right and see a very beautiful looking animal. My friend says, It's a Bijouti antelope. It looks like a brightly colored and larger American bison. I shoot it twice in the head and once on the shoulder as it turns to run. We chase it and catch up to it at the drive through of a McDonalds. It had turned into a hugely fat white woman. I look back, it's the African plain. I look ahead and it's Decatur TX. As she leans against the call box she says while struggling for breath, Please let me live. I have three children. The wounds where I shot her earlier are only bruises on her forehead and cheek. Without hesitation I throw my rifle up to my shoulder and shoot here twice in the face.


• Possum, squirrel, armadillo, raccoon, 5+ species of snake, bison, antelope, deer, elk, moose, quail, dove, duck, goat- different types of animals my best friend could remember off the top of his head eating through the years. He was very sure there were many more.


• In the waiting room at my clinic the anger that develops in a female over a long wait is in direct proportion to how hot she is.


• Nepalis and Bhutanese people are gaining ground and climbing further up my list of favorite Un-Americans. They are across the board, decent, respectful, hard working and good humored people.


• I have fired a LAW rocket launcher from the hip.


• Because I'm awesome that way.


• Another thought on that subject: those things cost over a 1000 bucks a piece and I. Simply. Have. No. Idea. How. Many. Of. Them. I've. Fired.