Sunday, March 17, 2013

Best Of Craigslist


Need to borrow/rent live ducks (not a joke)

Hosting a house party. Need ducks for party game.
Ducks will be unharmed and I prefer the owner remain with the ducks to ensure proper care and safety to both my and your standards.
Compensation: invitation to party, free drinks for the entire night, or if you prefer small cash fee ($40?)
Details: ducks will be gently secured into passenger seats of model train set. origami hats made of 1, 5 and 10 dollar bills will be placed on each ducks head.
Guests will pay a dollar for an opportunity pick a hat from a ducks head as a prize as the train passes by them. One dollar per attempt (lap around tracks)

Serious inquiries only please.
  • Location: Austin
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Posting ID: 3639313186

Friday, March 15, 2013

Friday's Dispatch









Soap berries


Moment of agony- I snapped this as he slipped and rolled his ankle a little.

Whats up guys? I mean uh...,   Quack!

Funky looking bark




  • Zachary's mom regarding the Army: "They can't have him. They took you, they've taken my baby- they can't take him."
  • Zachary has two goals I'm aware of now- one is to be taller than both myself and bubba. The second is to be a soldier.
  • Convoy firefight.
  • Three of my favorite songs are unrepentant, unapologetic drug songs. There's nothing to be read into that, but it's a little odd even to me. I think it's partially because I respect people who can live their life the way they want. Also, songs like that would have to sound good or they won't reach anybody.
  • A neighbor has half black and half blond hair and wears one pink flip flop and one blue.
  • I am not perfect, but it's rare I betray a trust or a confidence.
  • Recently a friend who died a couple of years ago has been on my mind and without mentioning him others have also brought him up. Also, I saw a truck that looked like his on the interstate a few days ago (so much so- it probably was it). I saw his widow in traffic. An acquaintance bumped into the widow, visited for a long time then told me about it. An acquaintance also told me she's been getting emails from his account- a virus took over his account and started sending out spam.
  • Every year or two there is a new theory about who built Stonehenge and/or why. I really wish they would just admit they have no idea who or why and that they will likely never know. 
  • I have a sense of strong brand loyalty to: Dr Pepper, Dollar General, Kawasaki motorcycles, Honda and Chevrolet cars, Denny's Restaraunts, North Face cold weather gear, Starter brand nearly everything, Cinch jeans, Wrangler cargo shorts and Dickies Dungaree pants.
  • We slept in our hammocks out at Mineral Wells Sate Park last night (03092013). When it started raining we just pulled our Goretex bivys over our heads and zonked back out to the pitter patter of the rain drops falling on our heads. Zac soaked his boots right before bed playing a flooded creek and had left his coat at school Friday so I just chunked him in the car to warm up while I packed and we booked home. When I say we, "slept out there", I meant it- we literally finished set up by headlamps and rolled home as soon as we woke.
  • The new pope is a Jesuit- very interesting.
  • I bought a Bushmaster Carbon 15 weapon of mass destruction. I'll shoot it as soon as I find ammo. It is being hoarded up by every end timer and police department in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave. It looks good- feels great. I may have been the first person to touch it after it left the factory. They called me as soon as it came in and I was there to pick it up an hour and a half or so later.

Monday, March 11, 2013

Monday's Missives




That is a long way down, isn't it dad? Yes, it is. Please be careful I said with my heart in my throat when I turned to see him looking into that yawning chasm of death instead of walking right behind me like I thought he was.

Life In The Balance



Hey, want a nice bottle of urine some arrogant rock climber left behind?

Amtrac drive sprocket

Guy being towed was having a bad day but was good humored about it


Gama Goat. I have driven untold miles in various examples of this weird old utility vehicle.  It was a 6 wheel drive and would float with a swim kit mounted. You can mount an infinite number trailers to each other making it look like a giant centipede. It had a 3 cylinder Cummins? diesel mounted right behind the driver that was loud as thunder. It would literally make you want to vomit to drive one for a couple of hours at highway speed- with  hearing protectors on. It will be on my short list for my dream shopping spree when my ship comes in.

When I put something made of meat and tube shaped in my mouth called Lil Chub... well, lets just assume that will never happen.

The rare and elusive Canada goose

Wall of legends of Mineral Wells State Park


Shadows

I imagined this elder gentleman helping the Hispanic man rig his fishing gear up as being somebody who without any malice whatsoever would pronounce Mexican as Messican.





I asked the concession operator what his number one seller was in this after hours bait machine. Butterfinger bars was his surprise answer. I correctly guessed number 2 as being Mtn Dew. He said the machine cost 8 thousand dollars. 

Her name was Dixie according to the calls of the people she abandoned with glee to come explore near us. Another light colored Lab was named Cracker. They were comical and smart - kinda in the job description of Labs I suppose.


This says I'm right here

Ancient Indian pottery shard

  • The madness that is Afghanistan
  • I like Walmart, good prices,quality merchandise and local assability." From a comments section on Walmart. "Assability"? Huh?!
  • A couple of days ago I saw woman driving erratically and 5 mph under the speed limit in the passing lane. As I and the other 10 people she had stacked up behind her for miles passed her she looked up, took a look around and with a grin on her face looked back down to her phone and resumed texting. That same afternoon I saw a guy sharpening his pocket knife while driving and talking on a Bluetooth headset.
  • Tomorrows planned trip to Sharkarosa Wildlife Ranch may be postponed due to thunderstorms.
  • I had that very rare headache yesterday. It caused me to be nauseated and light sensitive. Even more rare for me- it forced me to leave work early.
  • Barry mentioned once being known for having quick reflexes. On the same day I had the same observation scheduled to post on myself. When I saw his I took mine down so I wouldn't look like a copycat. That is a weird coincidence though for such a random thought isn't it? Anyway, yes I'm known for the same thing by people I'm around. I'll catch papers in mid air that somebody drops or a coffee cup a waitress drops etc. A few days ago a nurse missed the counter with her coffee cup as she tried to place it on the counter I was standing near. Reflexively, my foot went out catching the cup in midair, then in almost the same motion my foot went down to ease it to the floor. My nursing buddy said,"How did you do that? That isn't right- nobody should know how to do that." It's just another one of my superpowers.
  • All my dreams were just a jumble of randomocity last night.
  • Relationship pro tip: If your significant other wants some space be the second person in the history of the world to give it to them. Don't try to take control of the situation and find out whats going on or try to get physical to let them know what they're missing or whatever- let them go.
  • It seems ignorant at least and maybe slightly racist for TV shows to subtitle a persons dialogue when they speak perfect English but with an accent that may be strong to Western ears.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Next Blog Foray









MP > Blog
Osobní poznámky, zamyšlení, zajímavé odkazy a upoutávky regionálního novináře.


Pátek, 24. duben 2009

Něco se nepovedlo
Vystaveno v 20:10:00 Štítky: ,
Technické služby namalovaly a hned nato seškrábaly čáry vyznačující nová parkovací místa na ulici Hoblíkova. Zřejmě kvůli tomu, že by mezi auty parkujícími po obou stranách nebyla předepsaná vzdálenost minimálně 3,5 metru.

Od 1. května se bude na ulici parkovat v obou směrech, neboť se z ní stane jednosměrka směrem od centra (tedy opačným, než stojí většina aut).


Not quite sure where this fellow is from or what he does but, it looks like he's a very thorough prankster who switches sides of the streets parking space lines are painted on then, carefully drags the owners cars over to the new spots while videotaping the act. Then he's the one surprised when the owners come out and he jumps out and says, "Bambuschka!" which is his messed up languages word for punked! and they stare at him blankly. The drivers then shake their heads and drive off never even realizing their cars had been moved in the first place or that for a brief moment in time they were in the presence of greatness.










Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Wednesday's Digressions

From Enchanted Rock

It always catches my eye when I see a personal message or a person's address in a used book.



The most widely recognized military symbol in the world. 

My first memorable military job was driving a vehicle that any WWII era soldier would have recognized immediately. My career ended with one that had computer mapping and satellite tracking capabilities and that was twice the cost of nice houses I've lived in and provided as much protection as some WWII tanks. As I recall, the Jeep cost 13000 dollars. The Jeep motor probably generated 30-40 hp, the HMMWV about 200.

Bird carvings by Japanese internees during WWII.

This Japanese mortar was incorrectly called a knee mortar by our troops. The would capture one and a bunch of ammo and say, Hey, lets use this cool knee mortar to blast some Japs!  They would then place this bad boy on their thigh, fire it and promptly break their femur.





  • Everlast White Trash Beautiful
  • Funny Onion headline: DEA recruits Lil Wayne to use up all the drugs in Mexico.
  • I'm tired of my aquarium and think I'll give it to my friend-girl.
  • My goofy buddy recently taught Zachary to make realistic fart noises with his mouth. I'll admit though- I laughed so hard my face hurt.
  • Our get tough on crime- lock 'em up and throw away the key attitude has already cost us terribly, but if this country fails it will need to be input into the equation for why.We have 2+ million people locked up. Probably the most egregious aspect of this is the numbers whose offenses are related to drugs or alcohol. This is about as sensible as locking up a cancer patient for their disease.
  • In other headlines NASCAR racers at Talladega stop their cars mid race and walk off the premises stating,"This is just ridiculous."
  • A big, scary homeless patient went berserk in the clinic recently. Predictably a supervisor trying to defuse the situation said, Here sir, lets step into Kevin's office and see if we can figure this out... Man, he would have been scary and crazy looking without being in an absolute rage. I don't get this way often but I felt small and powerless in his presence. I was aware that if he really did snap I would die or be hurt so bad I would wish I were- I was defenseless. That is not an awesome feeling.
  • Jeff Corwin and Brady Barr's wildlife shows are the best. I hope they never stop doing what they do.
  • As many people do after a visit to the hill country I fantasized what it would be like to live there. I looked up a property I remembered seeing a roadside sign for. It was 500 acres and the Pedernales River ran through it. The list price was 45 million dollars. Huh? I nearly fell over. A lottery winner still couldn't dream of having a place there these days, or the very least- they better dream small.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Mondays Missives



  • I often when carrying the baby hold a coffee cup in my left hand but, never hold it by the carrying handle.
  • Carrying handle? That can't be right.
  • I know at least one person who has burned Christmas card money in the fireplace.
  • When I worked in refugee health I made a goal to do a basic interview in Spanish and Vietnamese and be at least polite in Serbo Croatian. By the time I left I could muddle my way through any interaction in Spanish- even a lot of phone contact. Vietnamese? Whatever- incredibly difficult language, I tried at least learning the eye test chart. It was so bad it wasn't even funny bad, just bad. Serbo- Croatian? Eastern European languages are among the hardest on Earth to learn. I don't even know how native speakers do it.
  • I was providing services to a lot of people from Bosnia at the tail end of the Balkan wars. What fun people- great sense of humor but, almost always kind of fatalistic. Educate them about an aspect of their health and they seemed very likely to shrug their shoulders and say,"Oh well if I die, I die my father died of the same thing."
  • As a rule the Serbo Croatians hated and distrusted any government official but, when they found out you were genuinely interested in their well being and there to help they loved you equally passionately and would even be incredibly protective over you.
  • I was always interested in the guys who had been soldiers before. They knew better than to try and totally hide their military service but, they also suspected if you were with the government you were probably looking for war criminals so when you'd ask about military service none were ever infantrymen or other combat roles- they were all either radio operators or mechanics. A large percentage of guys from there with military backgrounds had battle related wounds- loss of eyes due to grenade shrapnel, loss of a thumb and index finger due to bayonet attack, the list goes on but, all of them were either radio operators or mechanics, if that war was that dangerous for them I would have hated to have been in a combat role there.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Rock Stars And Planes Don't Mix...

"Randy Rhoads On March 18th, 1982, the metal guitar whiz was on his way to a festival in Orlando, Florida, touring as part of Ozzy Osbourne’s band. The band bunked down for the night at the bus driver’s house in Leesburg, Florida. Early the next morning, the driver took Rhoads and one other crewmember on an early morning airplane joyride. Once in the air, the bus driver — who had cocaine in his system and was flying on an expired pilot’s license — decided it’d be a great idea to “buzz” the tour bus where Ozzy was still sleeping. Their first three low-altitude passes were successful, but on their fourth flyby, the plane’s right wing hit the tour bus, puncturing its side panel. The plane then took out a pine tree before slamming into a house and bursting into flames. Neither the house, the plane nor the three passengers aboard it survived. "Blender.com