blogadelphia

Clinically Speaking

2012-02-14T06:00:00.001-06:00

I'm going to get one of my contacts in the radiology underworld to X Ray my hand. The other day at work I bumped it on a door knob. Now the first joint of my pinkie finger is swollen, crooked, hurts like a dog and feels crunchy when I move it.

It's tough getting old. Really- I wasn't ready for how breakable I have gotten.

Recently while walking toward the break room I heard people laughing and somebody said, What did Kevin say? He told them... and then as I passed I heard everybody crack up again.

That was a good feeling.

We have a chart for checking peoples vision that is a series of the letter E of varying sizes. Some face to the right, some to the left, some down etc. An illiterate patient can then point 3 fingers (imitating the 3 bars of the letter) in the way of the E they see on the chart.

We take a lot for granted here I think.

I have seen a tribal person from Vietnam not be able to identify the color orange by name. Interestingly she correctly said to the effect, I don't know the name of the color, but it looks like a cross between yellow and red.

When I see a patient getting perturbed at their wait and I know my nursing buddy is about to see the patient, I inquire about their wait time, apologise profusely and then say so my buddy can hear it, I'm sorry sir- I'll assign one of my best nurses to your case. She'll be with you soon.

Yeah, that's the kind of stuff I do- it never gets old.

Just ask me.

Your Patient Is Dead

Monday's Missives

2012-02-13T06:00:00.002-06:00

Your anus

A very sad video, made only sadder by the detachment you may feel since it was filmed through night vision. A 24 year old Army specialist Chazray Clark from Michigan has been blown up by an IED losing both legs and one arm. Terms you may not be familiar with: 9 line medevac- this is the report the air ambulances get on what to expect of the nature of wounds of the patient, the surrounding terrain and enemy activity. KAF- pronounced as spelled: an acronym for Khandahar Air Field in Afghanistan.

Recently I heard some new Ringo Starr music. I thought he was dead. Regardless, it was pretty awful.

Eeeew, you have a mustache on your face. Why did you get a mustache on your face? - what a patient's daughter said to me after seeing me for the first time since growing the offending facial hair.

Multiple patient's children have drawn pictures which I've place on my over desk cabinet. One did it, another tried to one-up that one, then it took on a life of its own.

Zacism

2012-02-12T08:11:00.003-06:00

This morning Zac asked me what time it was when we woke up. He then said, If it's a 1 and two zeros that may make it time to get up or time to stay in bed. That's true, I said. Go look and see I encouraged, knowing he knew his numbers well enough to report them back to me. When he came back to the bedroom he said, There's a thirty, a twelve and the letter E.
It was 7:27.

Caturday!

2012-02-11T06:00:00.000-06:00

Why Caturday? Because the Internets are made of tubes and wires and powered by kittens- of course!

A hospice patient worked to some extent for the music business. When his wife mentioned she had an original copy of the Beatles White Album that was left on a bus by Billy Gorgan I said, How cool! Not taking no for an answer she then pushed that and another album on me. I said, Aw thanks- wow, I appreciate this! etc. and lay them to the side and walked out without them at the end of my shift.

I wore a sweater outside the house today for the first time in years.

Someone had recently been acting interested in me. I wanted to say, Look, you'll just treat me poorly after I've given you everything I have to give, then leave me after you no longer need me ,then you'll tell everybody you know how badly I treated you, but I just cooled things down a bit and left it at that.

Firefight Afghanistan

On This Day In 2000

2012-02-10T19:15:00.004-06:00

James Jim Varney often thought of as Ernest P. Worrel died of lung cancer. His last words were, Please, leave the window open.

Friday's Dispatch

2012-02-10T06:00:00.002-06:00

My children all like foods and drinks I dislike and dislike some of both I love. Interestingly, they all love breads and cheeses of all kinds and love trying new types of both.

Maybe I did something right.

As a child we went to family reunions that were really a reunion of people from a dying community- although many people were related. I think often of all those wild kids I played with, wonder how they are and hope the best for them. The building we met in was of sandstone construction and had swamp cooler air conditioners. We would take the sides off the AC and splash water on ourselves to cool down and when our parents could slow us down for 5 seconds we'd eat pecan pie and drink Kool Aid like there was no tomorrow and head back out to play again.

It's funny- there really was no tomorrow.

I've talked a little about this before, but in recent years past we've had entire multi state regions go without water and we're talking about lunar colonies?! God, we're dumb. I mean, we are our own worst enemies. I mean really- holy smokes we're stupid.

I walked along the avenue. I never thought I'd meet a girl like you.

Thursday's Thoughts

2012-02-09T06:00:00.011-06:00

A Spanish speaking friend gave me a pretty cool sounding Spanish nic name. I told her to give me some time to come up with a good one for her.

Chika de ojos cafe. Was the best I could do.

Which translates, The girl with the brown eyes.

Pretty tough to beat huh?

My pinky finger still hurts like crazy.

I saw a Rehr Morrison Racing van today. They were really big when I was into racing many moons ago. One of their drivers got killed on a test pass. He wasn't wearing his restraints or helmet. Very sad- he would probably still be alive today- instead of one of those cautionary tales (and very random blog post) if he'd just been a little more careful.

Southern Fried Expressions

2012-02-09T06:00:00.000-06:00

He is so ugly- his mama took him with her everywhere she went so she wouldn't have to kiss him goodbye.

She is as ugly as home made soap.

He is so ugly- his cooties have to close their eyes.

She is as ugly as a mud fence.

Wednesday's Digressions

2012-02-08T06:00:00.002-06:00

The other day a patient finished treatment during a visit to my office. He had been erroneously told or misunderstood that his treatment would go on for a few weeks more. When I congratulated him and started giving him his post treatment education he fell back in his chair. If I'd been forced to guess I would have said the room was spinning for him. He said, It's over? This has been a big part of my day for a while now. Ya'll have have been so nice and good to me and helped me a lot.

That was a good feeling.

A little time away is probably good for both parents and children, but I'm not any good when I'm away from my children for too long. I get heart sick over missing them- I'm literally lost during those times.

I hardly ever refer to children as kids- there's nothing wrong with it, I just don't.

Look, you and I don't have to excuse or explain anything one of us says to the other. I know what you stand for and are made of and the same goes for me to you. Just tell me what you think and feel. That's all I care about. What I said to my friend when I guess I got a little perturbed at her feeling she had to set things up in a conversation too much without just yeah- telling me how she felt about something or what her thoughts were on the subject.

Trashcan Sinatras To Sir With Love

'Til Tuesday

2012-02-07T06:00:00.001-06:00

A friend is a massage therapist. When she was actively practicing she almost always went to the clients businesses, homes or hotels. She told me essentially 100% of the time the person assumed the message therapy was a front for prostitution and would start getting grabby.

Recently a friend suggested an acquaintance and I get together. I think the gesture was probably well intentioned and sweet, but- she and I could not be more ill suited for each other. I mean- really, I wondered, You do know both of us- right? But, again- I had to remind myself the gesture was sweet, good intentioned, sincere and then drop the subject.

I'm getting tired of looking at my bike and I'm considering telling my buddy to come pick it up.

First world problem: I'm dying for either a delicious BBQ sandwich stacked with onions and jalapenos or a rib plate and I'm contemplating buying both and having at least some of each tonight and saving the rest for tomorrow. Although, I already owe my nursing buddy lunch and have committed to catfish and shrimp with jalapeno poppers for tomorrow.

I'll never go to Taco Cabana again.

I misspelled jalapenos every time I tried above.

Yes- even that time.

I'm walking out the door for just the sandwich with extra onions and jalapenos.

See- it's all about self control...

The Coon Huntin' Monkey

A Modern Day Classic I'm Sure- Soon To Be Released

2012-02-06T10:00:00.000-06:00

Osombie- the story of a NATO Special Forces team tasked with hunting down zombie Osama and his undead minions. It looks so bad- it can't possibly be bad!

Monday's Missives

2012-02-06T06:00:00.002-06:00

I wonder how many sit coms and movies have used the old gag of a tourist handing their camera off to a local to take a picture of them in front of a landmark and the guy runs off with the camera? A Mr. Bean episode was just on that used it and with some thought I think I could come up with specific other shows, but I know I've seen it multiple times.

If money were no object I'd: have the worlds largest privately owned library of autographed books.

The lunar space colony lunacy being talked about shows just how unimaginative we really are. The politicians using that idea want to sound bold, friendly to science, tech savvy and give the country a goal to unite under. There are more pressing problems in space (our odd lack of understanding of the sun being a big one). It's as if- the US, after solving all her other problems decides to build a gazillion dollar gerbil habitat on a moon. I think we'd be amazed how much better off we'd be if made and sold more things in the private sector and cut down on waste and fraud in the public sector and minded our own beeswax a bit more.

Yes, somebody will have to go at some point to extract helium when we finally pull our heads out and figure out how to use fusion to produce energy, but that won't require a full on colony and to whatever extent it's colonised for that purpose it should be multinational. Regardless- we'll have to pull our heads out first.

Anyway, what will we do about the Nazis that have been living on the dark side of the moon for the past 70 years?

I mean really, think about it- Space Nazis!

Shudder...

Sunday's Summary

2012-02-05T06:00:00.000-06:00

During a new patient interview recently a female patient said,"If you're going to ask me about my sex life, don't even bother. There hasn't been any of that in a long time." She then burst into tears.

If I was fabulously wealthy and cost was no object I'd have: a 12 cylinder Mercedes, black in color with alligator upolstery on the seats and ostrich for the armrests. The wood interior trim would require a small South American rain forest to be deforested.

Oh, and it would have spider monkey fur carpeting.

I deal with a lot of mentally ill people in my work. A big thing that has always stood out? I've never met a schizophenic patient who wasn't a heavy smoker.

Dread Zeppelin Good Time Bad Times

Zacism

2012-02-04T06:00:00.000-06:00

This is soooo good! Do you know how long it will take me to eat this? Maybe an hour or even more! What he said on having his first Dippin' Stick.

Friday's Dispatch

2012-02-03T06:00:00.003-06:00

At my breakfast place if I go in late there's too many people for me and more often than not I'll leave after a quick coffee.

For the life of me I cannot comprehend what Newt Gingrich's marital relationships has to do with anything. They obviously never caused a big enough distraction to him in the past to affect his abilities and the problems are obviously in the open- so he can't be extorted over them.

I use gel insoles in every pair of boots and shoes I own. The last pair I trimmed to the wrong size and stuffed them in my shoes. The resulting misplacement caused an alignment problem and an alteration in my gait that had my knee, hip and back in such bad shape I thought I'd be crawling by the time I got to my car from the office at the end of one day. A chiropractor could not have asked for a better case study.

My favorite jeans are worn smooth out- they're literally threadbare in places, but they are also soft as silk. I'll wear them until I start getting police complaints.

I cannot recall the last time I intentionally tried to hurt somebodies feelings.

The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl Fairy Tale Of New York

Thursday's Thoughts

2012-02-02T06:00:00.003-06:00

When talking to foreign born patients I like to find some kind of common ground then, see how their experiences and perceptions differ from mine related to that subject. With this is mind I got a patient to tell me what it was like to go fishing in Africa. He did the obligatory holding the bent imaginary fishing pole and then stretched his arms out to indicate how long the fish was and used his hands to demonstrate it's gaping mouth. He then said, My cousin said, Goget eet- go get eet out mon. Joomp mon joomp. (his normally excellent English started getting more garbled the more excited he got telling the story). So I joomped- I joomped dee fish and she shawt me! She shawt me. It knocked me out. So, I never fish again.

It took me a minute to process- it was an electric fish and it shocked him- it did not shoot him.

I watched a recently produced documentary on the Gulf War recently. It was interesting to me that the last time I heard those stories was around a camp fire at Ft Wolters Texas.

Maybe the plethora of online universities should have fantasy football and basketball leagues and set up conferences etc.

This armed robbery did not go as planned

This is what LSD must be like- regardless, great music and interesting imagery.

Woo Hoo- Who's The Loser Now?

2012-02-02T06:00:00.001-06:00

CHARLES CASTEL CHAMBERS.FROM THE DESK OF BARRISTER CHARLES CASTEL16 Fetter Lane, London EC4A 1BWDX: 407 London Chancery Lane United Kingdom

Good Day, My name is Barrister Charles Castel.

I was the attorney to Late DrPeter Howlands and i hereby attempt to reach you again by this same email address stated on the WILL as my previous notification to youwas returned undelivered. I wish to notify you that late Dr Peter Howlands made you a beneficiary to his WILL. He left the sum of twoHundred and fifty Thousand Great Britain Pounds (GBP£250,000.00) to you in the codicil and last testament to his WILL. Being a widely travelled man, he must have been in contact with you in the past or simply you were recommended to him by one of his numerous friends abroad who wished you good. He was a very dedicated Christian who loved to be involved in charitable projects.Late Dr Peter Howlands died on the 18th day of August, 2008 at the age of 70years, and his WILL is now ready for execution. According to him this money is to support your humanitarian activities and to help the poor and the needy in our society. Please if I reach you this time as I am hopeful, endeavour to getback to me as soon as possible to enable me conclude my job. I look forward to hearing from you as soon as possible.Yours in Service,Barrister Charles Castel.(Head of Chambers.)EMAIL: barr.charles.castel.chambers1@

This must be legit, I mean after he is a Barrister (and he capitalises will a lot)! I'm expecting to have a lot of new friends now that I'm rich so get in line and also, I do want to thank all the little people who believed in me and made this all possible.

To everyone else- in your face!

Wednesday's Digressions

2012-02-01T06:00:00.002-06:00

Last voicemail I received: Hey dad, wanted to say thanks for the backpack and the ACU trousers- oh and the money that was in the trousers. Call me back.

Isn't that nice? Wait- what? Money!? Doh!

Honestly, I have no idea- there may have been 5.00 or 500.00$ in there. It would have been left from my last active duty days.

File this under you didn't even know you liked Ska : Rancid- Time Bomb.

You're welcome.

I bet if you met President Obama and hung out he would be impossible to dislike.

A business owner I've done business with for years called this evening to tell me she's going out of business.

If I know nothing else about people, I know they come and go- they die, you hurt them, they hurt you and sometimes, you just drift apart. I have exactly one female and two guy friends that I know we'll be together to the end. A lot of people know me, but I have only 3 true friends.

Story Of The Year- Until The Day I Die.

Tuesday Schmoozeday

2012-01-31T06:00:00.002-06:00

There's a Texas saddle maker who died years ago whose saddles can bring thousands dollars when they come up for sale. Funny inside story: he was known for delivering those saddles in a Buick station wagon. The joke in the area he lived was he would throw his tools, the tree, some stirrups and some leather in a burlap sack in the back of that wagon and head toward where the saddle was to be delivered and what stuck together on the trip was what you got. Those saddles were also known for making life equally miserable for both the rider and the horse, but yeah- they don't give his saddles away theses days.

Two people I know are from the same area up North and have lived here in Texas for nearly exactly the same length of time. He sounds like a total Texas hick when he speaks, but hates being here and looks often for jobs to get him back to what he considers home. If you have any ear at all you can instantly tell where she's from originally, but she loves being here, is a part of the community and would not trade being here for anything and reports only hating the fact she wasn't born and raised here in Texas.

The other day I had a burrito made with potatoes, chorizo, eggs, mozzarella cheese, jalapenos and topped with salsa verde and salsa fuego- what a gut bomb. I was sick for 2 days. A friend said, They have something like that there? No, I ordered it and they made it for me... Yes, I special ordered something that would have put a lesser person in the hospital.

A Beatles song I often forget I like, covered by Siouxsie And Teh Banshees- Dear Prudence.

Monday's Missives

2012-01-30T06:00:00.005-06:00

During my recent commute to work with my ex wife Billy Corgan's cover of Landslide started playing. We both started singing along and both bobbled the lyrics in the same place in different ways. The whole scene was oddly OK- there's nothing to it, it didn't mean a thing, but yes it was OK for some reason.

Somebody recently commented on my limp. I explained my knee was bothering me because of the cold, wet weather. Is that what you hurt during the war? Yeah, I answered. What happened? she asked.

And there I was- surrounded! Bullets were flying everywhere. The vehicle was burning. I pulled my driver out and giving him his weapon said,"Don't you die on me." and then I turned and a bullet went through my knee...

I'm lying. I walked out of a guard shack at night and fell over a Jersey barrier (they're like the dividers for HOV lanes) that had been placed there during my shift.

Recent headlines have been,"Doctors perplexed by wave of girls with tourettes syndrome type symptoms in New York schools." Doctors haven't beeen that perplexed- it's impossible this phenomenon is not psychological. Nobody wants to go on record as being a meaner is all.

Sunday's Summary

2012-01-29T06:00:00.001-06:00

My buddy dropped by yesterday to check on me since my phone has been out of service and he couldn't reach me. Our conversation led to a flood of flashbacks. I remembered watching a movie with his parents. It was the first time I watched Dr. Strangelove. Even though we were in our 30s and didn't know each other in our teens it was like enjoying the simple times of our teens- while knowing what had at the time. His mom fussed over us. We made it most of the way through the movie after eating pizza. Then the guys crashed and we awoke to his mom cleaning from that day and preparing for the next. We filmed all our hunts during the day and gave the tapes titles like Kill Fest 99, Blood Sport 00 and If It Flies It Dies 01. During one hunt his dad went to an appointment and was admitted to the hospital. We were going to finish the hunt and then my bud would come back and do the family thing. Instead, he came to me while I napped from the moring hunt and said, Hey, dads going bad real quick. It doesn't look good- it doesn't look good at all. I may need you to drive my truck home and we'll call it quits for now. During the stay before that I'd run a harvester for his dad. When the water pump quit he said he'd get somebody to come out and look at it. I said, Why don't we do it? We couldn't find a pump anywhere so I removed the old pump and laid everything out so the mechanic (who'd be there long after we left) would be able to figure things out- hopefully saving money and down time on the harvester. I sensed my buds dad liked and respected me for that. I liked and respected him for that. Anyway, I knew on the way home alone that night we'd never be there again- you can never go home. And I haven't been back since.

Recently two middle aged female acquaintances were discussing the cosmetic work (in great detail) they'd have done if they could. While not normally in the business of telling people how to think or feel, without thinking I said, Good grief- you're both gorgeous. You need to be happy with yourselves and satisfied with how well you're aging, do it gracefully and go about your business without turning yourselves into some weird looking monsters.

The look on their faces was mostly one of surprise at hearing me say I thought they were pretty I think, although yes- it may have been my blunt tone.

The time 11:11 continues to have some odd significances for me.

I've had my own take on this for years, but I like the concise simplicity of this: before doing something ask yourself this- how will I feel about it- how will it affect me, 10 minutes from now, 10 days from now- 10 years from now?

Marines in firefight- Afghanistan

It's Caturday!

2012-01-28T06:00:00.002-06:00

I'm mostly OK alone, I'm mostly OK with someone else, but the only time I really consistently wish I were with someone if I'm not, is when it's raining and thundering.

A crazy patient who comes in daily for treatment asked, Can I have you tomorrow? after I saw her. She then burst out laughing at the perceived implications of that question.

The poor design and furnishing of the gazillion dollar building I work in is odd. Doors open directly into peoples work areas in the business office- I mean literally, as in clerks spend 50% of their time fending off doors to prevent bodily injury. In said business office you bump into clerks chairs as you walk through since there isn't enough room between them and the files. In a conference room there are bar stool type seats around a huge conference table. There's not enough room to put your feet up on the rest without bashing your knees on the underside of the table so your legs dangle while you lean over a computer. I literally had trouble walking out of there after a 3 hour meeting. Desks in the offices are too shallow to write on a chart- you have to let half of it hang off in the air. The layout does not allow for what should have been considered the inevitable computerised charting by letting a patient face you as you enter information in front of a monitor and keyboard...

I like and respect everybody in my chain of command where I work- important to me and unusual I think.

I'm 100% sure I'll watch The Artist, but have no idea- none whatsoever what to expect.

Zac has been given candy by me only a handful of times in his life.

Headline: 'Toddlers And Tiaras' mom sues over " sexualization of her daughter".

I simply do not know where to start.

Like your face being forced to the floor

Friday's Dispatch

2012-01-27T06:00:00.001-06:00

West Texas has arrived: The sky is brown, tastes dirty, feels gritty and is bypassing the door and landing on the tile to the entryway.

They think they've go it bad? My initial response to the Save Teh World/world/children/environment spot on television that was just on hi liting the drought in the Horn Of Africa.

I like to eat tuna and mac and cheese in the same meal, but not mixed together.

There's a toy stuffed mouse hanging from the tree outside my living room window.

Zac's mom took him to a place familiar to him where we do business. When they walked in he said, Can I have a cookie and a Gatorade? The hot chick behind the desk said, Sure- you know where they are, help yourself. He brought them back, walked around the desk like he owned the place and after sitting in the girl's lap picked up a pen and started doodling on her note pad.

Lucky for me, mom wasn't in a humor impaired mood that day.

Novocaine for the the soul

2012-01-26T06:00:00.003-06:00

Wednesday's Digressions

2012-01-25T06:00:00.001-06:00

Recently at work while trying to schedule on the computer an appointment for a patient who has a reputation for being difficult I became aware that she had moved behind me and was looking over my shoulder. Seeing my last name in the log-in she said as much and then lamely trying to affect a playful tone said,"Hey- now, I know your last name- I can Google you! Ahem, my full name is printed intentionally rather prominently on my ID, I would have gladly given it if asked and regardless, would have been compelled to do so if again, she'd only asked. In the words of the Blogfather, "I bet her life is a thousand times harder than it has to be."

Will somebody tell me (using small words and diagrams if possible) how to set an about me button on the main page of a blogger.com blog?

If I were fantastically wealthy I'd: spend every waking hour getting every available hot air balloon certification and gaining thousands of hours of flight time. Then I'd move to Africa and sell rides across places like Ngorongora crater, Maasai Mara and take film makers on flyovers of the annual migrations of the plains animals. For Europeans I'd lay my Texas accent on thick and with Americans I'd affect a British accent and refer to myself as an expat.

At the store where I drop in to get drinks and milk etc. they know I like to scan the products myself so as soon as they see me walk in they rotate the laser toward the front of the counter.

My insurance agent is pretty hot- I asked her out the first time we met. She was on the skids from her marriage and looking for herself so I wished her well and moved on. Recently I had to interact with her again. Predictably I commented on her hawtness. She said, Aw, you're so sweet- let me see if we have any discounts to put on your policy.

One of the most neglected secrets of life is figuring out which wheels to grease and how.

No centaurs

Monday's Missives

2012-01-23T06:00:00.002-06:00

Recently I heard a friend interacting with someone and during the course of their discussion I could have sworn I heard the other person say to her," Oh, yeah fatty?!" I was seeing red and already headed toward them when it registered he had actually said, "Oh yeah- Patty!?" (her name).

I had wanted to also serve in Afghanistan. Among the many reasons were it was heating up to a bad war as my service was winding down and I also in general thought I had something to offer. Mostly though, it was so when I bumped into some guy and he said, Hey, do you remember me? I served with you during the war! I could look hard at him and say, Oh yeah- which one?

I'm reading Dafoe's Robinson Crusoe- what an unbelievably good book.

Wish I'd died instead of lived- a zombie as my fate

Friday's Dispatch

2012-01-20T06:00:00.003-06:00

If you're ever going to have a surgery that allows you time to prepare, try drinking (without skipping meals) two to three nutritional supplement drinks per day prior to the surgery. It really helps if you can start 2 weeks out. Recovery for many surgeries is much quicker and complications decreased.

Coffee, tamales and pizza- today's lunch.

Protein drink, a glass of water, a banana and a multivitamin- tonight's dinner.

See, it's all about balance...

Browser headlines are, "Jim Carreys unlikely new girlfriend" basing their "unlikely" pairing on her youthfulness and extreme hawtness. He's rich, famous and if not George Clooney- he doesn' look like the Boggy Creek Monster, so not that surprising.

I'm watching some episodes of the original Outer Limits. Man, I had literally forgotten how good that show was.

Two of my nieces do extreme couponing. Last week they bought over 600.00 worth of groceries for 200.00.

I can't stand it. I know you planned it.

50 Year History Of Math Teaching

2012-01-19T06:00:00.002-06:00

Teaching Math In 1970 A logger sells a truck-load of timber for $1000. His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1980 A logger sells a truck-load of timber for $1000. His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price, or $800. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1990 A logger sells a truck-load of timber for $1000. His cost of production is $800. Did he make a profit?

Teaching Math In 2000A logger sells a truck-load of timber for $1000. His cost of production is $800 and his profit is $200. Your assignment: Underline the number 200.

Teaching Math In 2009 A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is totally selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $200. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers. If you are upset about the plight of the animals in question counselling will be available)

Teaching Math 2018أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخشب من دولار . صاحب تكلفة الانتاج من > ! الثمن . ما هو الربح له

Wednesday's Digressions

2012-01-18T06:00:00.003-06:00

This morning while shopping for Zac some shoes I saw a woman wearing scrubs and sporting a fresh black eye. She looked miserable and ashamed. She was checking out work boots. I wanted to say, You think he'll treat you better if you treat him even better, but it's not true- you'll make it worse, and as a matter of fact, he'll probably stomp you to death in those boots, but I kept walking. I went around to fit Zac for his shoes and decided I couldn't take it anymore and went back around to say something, but she was gone.

It's laundry day.

Zachary had a blast yesterday splashing around in the creek at Sunshine Lake. We saw several deer and a very large, healthy looking bobcat.

The other day at work several girls were showing off their shoes and boots. I put my booted foot in the mix and turning it for effect said, These are Wolverines. I got them on sale for 39 dollars at Tractor Supply Company 8 years ago. They make my feet look smaller when I have to wear my fat clothes.

It kills me not to know this, but I've all but just forgotten what the color of her eyes were and her scars or how she got them

Until Tuesday

2012-01-17T06:00:00.002-06:00

If you can spare 1 minute and 53 seconds for something that will have you shaking your head for the rest of the day click here.

The golden cheeked warbler presents an interesting example of our lack of basic critical thinking skills and biology knowledge. You can't read anything about it that does not trash humans for it's possible demise. The likely only reason it is still here though is due to mans influence. The junipers it likes to nest in are more or less protected by mans interference with wildfires. People will say the threat is mans clearance of the trees it nests in- this isn't strictly true- it nests in junipers that are in gullies and hillsides- areas not often cleared. It is too highly specialised with too small of a range- nature had selected it for extinction a long time ago. Humans are the only reason it may actually survive and we get blamed for its impending demise.

We are weird.

When you hear that bird sing for the first time though you'll never forget it. It well, warbles. It has a gorgeous song and warbles at false dawn, especially when the air is real still.

I hurt someone's feelings at work unintentionally recently. It was the last thing I thought of before I napped when I flexed out early and the first thing I thought of when I awoke the next day.

A friend is looking for love in all the wrong places and faces. I've tried bluntly talking to him about it, joking, kidding and cajoling him regarding his quest- nothing gets his attention. Sometimes our lessons have to be hard I guess.

My favorite (and yours) Violent Femmes song.

Monday's Missives

2012-01-16T06:00:00.001-06:00

Weird: an acquaintance's husband was recently busted in an adulterous relationship. Not that weird you say? Oh, imagine my embarrassment, I should have added some detail in the set-up. It was with another dude. Still not that strange? Oh OK, her sister's husband was also getting freaky with the same guy. Regardless, the poor girl is destroyed. Here's a tip for you ladies though- if you have a gay guy friend and your hubby goes on a homophobic, curse filled tirade every time the guys name is mentioned and then suddenly starts hanging out with the guy, you know- to play X Box, watch the game etc. you can bet his curiosity has gotten the better of him and he'll never be the same again.

After years of driving a compact car she wasn't that happy with my children's grandmother bought an Expedition. On the way home grandad drove the Expedition and she followed in the old car. Somewhere along the way he stopped and she did not- totalling the car. The Expedition's trailer hitch was scratched.

Yesterday afternoon I had to restore my computer. I didn't pay attention to the time/date settings when it came up Pacific Time and spent the rest of the day thinking it was two hours earlier than it was. Man, why am I so tired? And then later, Zac sure crashed early...

I dreamed night before last I sat at a bus stop in Boston and chatted with Paul Giamatti while he was in makeup and costume as John Adams.

Although they are one of natures most perfect foods- I eat too many hamburgers.

Regarding a woman fighter who was fined for steroid use the California State Athletic Commission Executive Officer said," Anabolic agents and other banned substances put not only the user of those agents at risk, but their opponents as well." The first part of his quote is arguably true, but it's also true of everything we do. The second part of his statement is just odd- put their opponents at risk? Regardless, you didn't need a urine test to know she was using steroids, all you had to do was glance at her picture.

Motorhead Love Me Forever

Friday's Dispatch

2012-01-13T06:00:00.002-06:00

Against my better judgement I've let a few Iraqi refugees I've met know I was in Iraq. I don't think I'll do it again. There's a vague sense in the back of my mind it will come back to haunt me. The world is just too small- Aha! You're the one who kidnapped my brother in the middle of the night and took him to jail. He died there you infidel! Or, I remember you- you zip tied me and sat me by the highway where my neigbors and family could see my shame!

The cool weather is great. When I walk out in the morning I smell the neighbor's fireplace burning.

There has to be a better way to word that- fireplace burning?

I know it got the point across, but it also seems nonsensical.

Something I heard a long time ago that I cannot explain why it's true, but I do believe it is: Never tell someone they look tired. If you sense something is bothering them and wearing them down and you want to help, say something to the effect of, You don't seem yourself- are you OK? etc.

The other day I saw a clip of a NASCAR driver getting mad at another and intentionally wrecking him out. They were going as I recall 130 MPH- couldn't he have killed the other guy over what was essentially a hissy fit?

Strangelove

Thursday's Thoughts

2012-01-12T06:00:00.003-06:00

A Denny Crane post reminded me of a long ago family member memory. He mentioned crazy things people used to get high with around the world and one of the things mentioned was substitute alcohols in Russia. An extended family member's uncle had a bad drinking problem. His wife more or less threatened the lives of every alcohol retailer in town within walking distance of the house (he did not drive) if they sold him liquor or beer. While cleaning out the attic after he and his wife both died they found it was stacked to the rafters with empty vanilla extract, cheap after shave and another product I don't recall, bottles. It took two pickup loads to carry it all off to the dump. It amazes he could have put all that away without dying much earlier than he did. Oh, and as I recall- he outlived the wife.

Yesterday morning in the bath a razor fell off into the water. I bent over and it pinched me on the abdomen. I bent over again a minute later and felt another pinch- or so I thought. It was cutting into me- not pinching with all five blades in two different places nearly evenly in line with each other. I can hear the ME doing my autopsy when I die in a car wreck tomorrow: the decedent is a middle aged, well nourished, height and weight proportionate white male with no obvious identifying tattoos or marks except- wait a minute- he appears to have been a cutter...

My high schooler is taking economics and two other classes this summer- amazing. He'll have his associates when he graduates from high school.

Grandmother's Folksy Sayings Delay Senility Detection For Years

2012-01-12T06:00:00.002-06:00

"CLARE, MI—Despite losing the last of her mental faculties in 2004, Mary Parise, 89, avoided being committed to an elder-care facility until just last week, when her children discovered her down-home turns of phrase were in fact the senseless ramblings of a senile woman. "We would have taken her to a specialist sooner, but you know how Mom's always saying, 'I reckon I'll stay where I am as long as the good Lord's willing and the rooster don't break bread with a jackass,'" daughter Karen Parise said. "For years she's been calling my son 'Buster Brown' and telling him he's so bowlegged he couldn't hem a hog up in a ditch. I assumed it was a term of endearment, but now I don't think she actually recognizes any of us." Parise's children told reporters they also believe their grandmother's diet of uncooked beans and cornstarch is not in fact "a Great Depression thing." from the onion.com

Crazy Comment On Snopes

2012-01-12T06:00:00.000-06:00

"Posted by snopes on
document.'write' (timestamp'(new Date'(2003,2,13,2,18,0), dfrm, tfrm, 0, 0, 0, 0));
13 March, 2003 02:18 AM: Comment: Have you heard of a snake in mexico that comes into the houses of'women who just gave birth and are nursing their babies only to wake up and 'find that a snake has been suckling off the mom and the baby is sucking on'the tail of the snake? "

Wednesday's Digressions

2012-01-11T06:00:00.005-06:00

On the way to work yesterday morning after my flat tire experience it was 47 degrees, I had the sunroof open, this was on the radio and I was driving a little too fast. It felt good.

How could I ever hate you baby? I'm sorry. What can I do to make it up to you- a nice foam bath and Armor All your tires? I cooed as I rubbed her steering wheel.

At the homeless shelters I sometimes screen I've noticed if the weathers hot the clients are way more likely to be in a bad mood. If it's cold they're more subdued and compliant.

My nursing buddy looks really cool in funky hats, but rarely wears them. Another acquaintance looks like a tool under a hat and wears them every day.

An acquaintance drives a car with out of state plates, no inspection, no insurance and no registration and has done so for years. How do you get away with that?

A vote for Clint Webb is a vote for truth, justice and the American way.

Last Night I Faced Adversity And Tragedy With Typical Aplomb

2012-01-10T05:58:00.007-06:00

I would replace my car with a sweet ride like this, but the cow would probably die and I like cows- especially when I'm eating them.

Yesterday Zac's mom called and asked if she could ride in to town with me (we work only blocks apart) since her car was down. Predictably, on the way home my car got a flat tire. Perhaps even more predictably the spare was also flat. As I started taking the offending tire off it started pouring rain.

The universe likes to jack with me.

What do we do now? she asked.

I don't know- want to make out?

I don't think so- you're dirty and wet.

That's the way it's supposed to be.

Yeah, that's the kind of stuff I do.

Anyway, she posted our predicament on Facebook. Her friend texted her and asked, "Um, what are you doing on the side of the road with your ex husband?"

Tell her we're making out.

All I could think on the way back to the car was wouldn't it be great if a semi going a hundred miles an hour just plowed over that stupid car? And the driver is the drunk son of a wealthy trucking company owner? And they pay me 100,000 dollars hush money?

After we got rolling again we stopped at Playa Maya to eat. Their cowboy enchiladas are great, especially since they're covered in about a quart of cheese sauce.

I did not dip them in the bowl of cheese sauce we had for the chips to make me feel better.

But, I was tempted.

Zac flirted with the waitress. She brought him a ball of tortilla dough to play with. He made what I thought was a frog out of it and then got mad at my perception of his scultpure and wouldn't tell me what it actually was.

Lots of car fail here, but at 4:20 you'll see me.

Monday's Missives

2012-01-09T06:00:00.002-06:00

Ellie Mae- where did the years go?

Yesterday a girl asked asked where I had been. I replied, You mean as in, this morning or all your life? She called me moco, which is Spanish for snot. I knew then my work there was done.

Zac asked for candy when we got home from Olive Garden. I reminded him he already had candy at OG in the chocolate mints he ate. His reply? That wasn't candy- that was food!

My house got so out of control recently my buddy who drops by to use the Internet cleaned while I was out one evening. He must have spent a couple of hours on it.

A couple of days ago I bought some just ripe bananas. Today, they're so overripe it's unlikely I'll eat them. I wonder why they ripened so quickly?

I almost always misspell bananas.

What I called show and tell in school when I was a kid is more often called show and share today.

One of of my patients is schizophrenic. While she is legitimately profoundly disabled by it, she also gets a kick out of scaring people by walking like a zombie and alternating between expressions of a blank thousand yard stare and burning anger. After noting her engage in getting a charge out of seeing people being fearful of her I betrayed my perception by grinning at her and shaking my head. Later while drawing her blood she looked hard at me. Again, I smiled and shook my head. She busted out laughing. Then I did the same- while trying to hold a winged collett needle (butterfly) in her arm and change out collection tubes.

After watching Afghans fishing with RPGs I think we can die whole and complete.

What's Wrong With This Picture?

2012-01-08T06:00:00.000-06:00

1994 Camaro Z28, LT1 - $3000 (The Colony)
Reply to: mailto:sale-rv8 [Errors when replying to ads?]Date: 2009-04-23, 10:16AM CDT

1994 Camaro Z28 LT1 engine, auto trans. 136000 miles, would consider as partial trade on a very nice car.
Location: The Colony

PostingID: 1136233463

Saturday's Situation

2012-01-07T06:00:00.002-06:00

I'm on the shore of Lake Bridgeport. After knocking a duck down at a ridiculous range I set my sweet Remington 1100 Special Field shotgun down on the ground and walk over to the water with Zachary dispensing wisdom about the great outdoors as we go. After spending an hour looking for the duck I spend the next hour looking for the gun. Finally somebody tells me a guy who lives in a shack back from the lake found it and took it home. A smoking hot lady in a teal colored evening dress offers to show me how to get to his place. As she stands from her camouflaged lawn chair I awaken.

That was my odd, but nevertheless lame dream from last night.

If you watch this movie you'll see a guy accidentally rob a bank with a salami.

At work a girl was so miserable with seasonal allergies I gave her my last two pseudoephedrine tablets I found in the console of my car. Thinking they were the 30 mg tabs I normally carry I told her she might want to take both of them since she was in such bad shape. She came to my office a couple of hours later and said, What did you give me? I feel funny and floaty!

They were 60 mg tabs.

A Prediction

2012-01-05T06:00:00.004-06:00

As far as in our lifetimes are concerned there will always be fossil fuels. Coming very soon though there will be cost effective, clean, cheap fuels to replace them. Whatever comes around, it will be so cheap due to low production costs and competition it will make the good old days of cheap gasoline look like highway robbery.

Craigslist Craziness

2012-01-05T06:00:00.002-06:00

MUSTANG GT 5.0 1991 90k - $2650 (H.E.B)

Reply to: sale-qgvxd-11717] Date: 2009-05-15, 2:02AM CDT

I finally got me a hot rod to build a couple years back, been workin on it little at a time. Now my soon to be x-wife is trying to take it. Our divorce wont be final for a few weeks. Hell will freeze before she gets it so im letting it go cheap just to spit her. SHHHHHH dont tell. Iv got around 6 thousand in the car and it drives great interior needs couple of window motors but other than that its not bad. Its white with silver pony wheels. I can go on and on and on about the engine mods and the drive train but it would just be easier to call me.(817)-841-0100 my name is Chance and i say this with all seriousness, that the first one who looks at this car will ask me if im stupid as they drive it away please no low ballen BULL #$%@ if your close with my price we can talk iv got clear title in hand. Call any time Cell # (817)-&&^ !@#$

Location: H.E.B
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Does Anything About This Label Jump Out At You?

2012-01-05T06:00:00.000-06:00

Click to enlarge

Wednesday's Digressions

2012-01-04T06:00:00.002-06:00

USMC CPL Burness Britt wounded in Helmand Province. Shrapnel from an IED severed an artery in his neck. He has a long road ahead of him, but he lived. AP photo

I bumped into a woman today with whom I share multiple of just a few degrees of separation. Among others I worked for years with her father and an old friend used to date her. All I could think of while we chatted was, Holy smokes- she looks just like her dad and frog tongue! after what my bud had said about the way she kissed.

I took my eldest to his Army training recently. We had dinner afterwards and made each other laugh. It's oddly OK when you talk about things with an adult son that you know may help save his life and end the lives of others. It was a little weird though, when we laughed after I told him about the gruesome (but nonetheless interesting/dramatic) deaths of some insurgents killed by my unit.

When you find yourself at the intersection of 281 and 57 in Stephenville Texas (as we all will at some time or another in life's journey) stop at the Hard Eight BBQ place. When you do, have one of their 2 inch thick pork chops and when they say,"Can I dip it in butter for you? say Why, yes please- I thought you'd never ask.

Then the next time the universe brings you there, have a chopped sandwich on a sourdough jalapeno roll. Then, place what falls out of the sandwich onto the butcher paper into a bowl of beans from the 5 gallon cauldron that you help yourself from. Scatter some cheese and onions across the top and think of me.

My son's choir will be having a performance in a fancy place this weekend.

A family member's military job requires a clearance of above top secret. He goes places for short periods of time and can't tell his immediate family where he's going. Based on: what I surmised as his honest denial when I asked if it was a common country in the region for our guys to go, a country he admitted in another conversation using as a jumping off point to get to the country he works, the language he's recently been studying and my limited knowledge of world events- it just hit me on the drive home last night where's he's been going. Mmmmm- very interesting. Ah, this is either going to be big news someday- or no news at all.

I know it's shamelessly anthemic, but if you missed this as part of your youth and hear this song today and would not trade all those years to have experienced those days- well, there's no hope for you.

Tuesday's Thoughts

2012-01-03T06:00:00.001-06:00

A favorite German word: wolkenkratzer. It means skyscraper, but literally translates into cloud scratcher.

Zac is going shopping today for himself for the first time using cash and gift cards he scored for Xmas.

People misunderstand what war may mean to an economy. By it's very nature it's destructive and not a positive thing. Regardless, it takes a huge one to really lift a large population's economy and then what? What about when that war ends? What about the resources wasted?

Taco Cabana: it's what's for lunch.

I have a ton of 35 mm camera bodies, lenses and other accessories I need to sell off although I have no idea what market there may be for them now.

Noel Fielding is Vlad the impaler in this must see music video.

Monday's Missives

2012-01-02T06:00:00.001-06:00

The next time you're in combat and nothing is going your way- your weapon jams, the radio won't work, the enemy is getting on your nerves and you get that sinking feeling where you know your blood sugar is about to crater- take my advice, find some cover and break out some MREs. Then, look for whatever cake you can find, squirt a tube of peanut butter on it, mix cocoa powder to a pudding consistency and place it on top, do the same with a creamer packet, then sprinkle instant coffee across the top of that then sprinkle a French vanilla cappuccino packet across the whole shebang.

Then throw the entire mess away.

I kid- it's delicious, nutritious and will keep you going for hours.

A couple of weeks ago on NPR I heard them talking about how awful Nickelback is then oddly, as the report faded out they played one of the only good songs they do. About two days later on another station I heard them talking about software that blocks to your computer even a reference to Nickelback. It's called Nickelblock.

I've never talked about Nickelback so such in my life.

I feel dirty.

Feeling sniffly the other night I drank Theraflu. First of all- as good as the concept is and effective as it can be, that stuff is nasty. Secondly- I went to bed with my favorite lounge pants on and awoke in the morning naked, having no recall of taking them off.

Hank Williams Lost Highway

2012 Is Here- Ready Or Not

2012-01-01T06:00:00.000-06:00

Moamar Khadaffi simply had to be ready in some way to die, what with him being a despotic, international pariah who had lost control of his country. My guess is he'd come to terms with the idea of a Hellfire or Brimstone missile incinerating him or a 500 lb laser guided bomb disintegrating him- not being slapped around, pistol whipped, having a stick crammed up his backside and then being shot in the head and chest by a mob.

When a bad US politician dies I hate to say it, but if I feel anything, I feel relieved.

A couple of days ago samples were played of music of all different types from all different eras on the radio. It seemed to go on for 5 minutes or more. I didn't know what it was all about until they mentioned it was samples of music from musicians who died this year.

It shouldn't be as surprising as some thought that Amy Winehouse died of alcohol poisoning as opposed to a heroin overdose. She had quit the heroin and needed something to dull the pain- and fill the holes. Alcohol is more socially acceptable and since a little probably helped fill some of the holes...

I can't say that I've made any new friends this year although I guess there are quite a few friendly acquaintances.

Christopher Hitchens died this year and I have no idea who he was, but it's kind of a big thing he's gone.

We dropped Iraq like a bad habit and expanded ops in Afghanistan this year- we are weird.

Although, yes I know- Iraq leadership wanted us gone- ready or not.

I love my job and feel lucky to have gotten it.

I've never made a new years resolution although I might make a few this year. They almost always always fail though don't they?

David Arquette has achieved a year of sobriety. I was really worried about him.

When a year ends we always think of the deaths and disaster incurred in the previous year. I don't know why we let tragedy and loss define us like that, but with a couple of different searches I couldn't find a compiliation of good news from 2011 to put up.

I hope you have a great year.

Chris Thomas King Hard Time Killing Floor Blues

Friday's Dispatch

2011-12-30T06:00:00.001-06:00

A Germany flashback: I've mentioned before I was known in my unit for my fairly good command of conversational German. This was so true I actually handled simple translations frequently between my unit, the police and German army units etc. Downtown, once I ordered a strawberry ice cream cone. The guy indicated he couldn't understand. Thinking he couldn't hear me and not knowing his thing was to embarrass Americans trying to use the local language I spoke up a little and spoke more clearly and again in German asked for a strawberry ice cream cone. Although a little slow on the up- take I figured out fairly quickly he was trying to make a fool of me and leaned in and said in English ,"Look dude, you either will give me a strawberry ice cream cone or I'm going to drag. you. out. this. little. window. and beat you right here on the pavement in front of your shop." Suddenly, his international hosting, linguistic and survival skills improved and he gave me the most beautiful, well stacked strawberry ice cream cone you've ever seen in your life.

When I say,"gave"- I mean he would not even look at the Marks I offered. Of all the German people I met during my time there- I literally think of him at least as much and probably more than than any other person.

Yes, in my lifetime I have threatened the well being of another human being over a strawberry ice cream cone. Don't start taking his side- he had it coming.

Recently while doing a skin test on a patient I asked him to expose the opposite arm he had pulled his sleeve up on. He said,"Uh-oh- you're going to see my scar." Thinking he meant a burn etc.- things that I'm used to working around I said,"Well, let me take a look." He pulled up his sleeve exposing a laceration over his wrist that had at a glance, 10-12 stitches. I looked up at him and he said,"Yeah, that's all me- I did that." "Don't sweat it." I said.

All I could say when he walked out was,"Be good and take care of yourself and come back and see us on _______".

Three of the women at work have decided to find me a wife. I don't know whether to be terrified or flattered.

I'm not kidding.

On multiple occassions I've heard my friend telling women I know he's only been seeing 2 or 3 weeks he loves them.

'Cause even though you left me here I have nothing left to fear. These are only walls that hold me here.

Raising Zachary

2011-12-29T06:00:00.001-06:00

While answering a question he'd asked, I guess Zachary's mom went a little long prompting him to say, Mommmm too long. I'm feeling soooo lectured!

Wednesday's Digressions

2011-12-28T06:00:00.001-06:00

In my career I must have opened literally thousands of alcohol prep pad packs to use as skin prep for shots. The other day alcohol from one somehow managed to bypass my glasses when I opened it and splashed in my eye- right in front of a patient. There was no playing it off, I groaned and thrashed around and rubbed my eye like a crazy person- while he looked at me like I was well, a crazy person.

When I recently remarked on another patients interesting course of study and indicated I was genuinely impressed by the short length of time in which she obtained her bachelors degree she replied," Oh yes. I'm highly intelligent, in fact I'm super smart." And then starting from the type of grass and species of trees outside my office window and working her way back into the office and discussing the history of medicine and various office technologies present she set out to prove how very smart she was.

I've never liked the bands Dire Straits or The Police.

Oddly, I'm warming to some of David Bowie's music although I never cared that much for it in the past.

At Christmas at my sisters I picked up one of my great nieces who is two years old. In the past, she hadn't been that tolerant of me. She babbled and talked at me for a few seconds then rubbed the entire top of my head in a circular motion and followed that up by patting it right on the crown three times and then cracking up laughing.

Don Rickles roasting everybody, but mostly Dean Martin.

AARP Forum Questions

2011-12-27T06:00:00.002-06:00

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore under fiction.
Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.
Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.
Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where should 60+ year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: 'Gosh, I remember these.

Monday's Missives

2011-12-26T06:00:00.001-06:00

Sense: this picture doesn't make any.

A Congressman has apologised to the First Lady for a remark made about the size of her rear end. A few weeks ago an area teacher got in trouble for passing out anti Catholic religious tracts to students.

Some things you don't do in this world because if nothing else- they're rude.

This morning Zac has been playing with the marbles I played with as a little boy, most of which were very old when I came into possession of them.

Crispin Glover- These Boots Are Made For Walkin' No, I'm not kidding.

Here, he stomps on a dog.

It's A Wonderful Life

2011-12-25T06:00:00.001-06:00

Letter to Santa written in 1911 and left on a fireplace for him to find. It slipped between a shelf where it was found nearly 100 years later.

We went to Sunshine Lake to feed the ducks and geese Saturday. Gulls have always been there, especially in winter, but I've never seen so many before. There wasn't room for any more to roost on the fishing pier.

I'm just not in the mood for Christmas this year. A Vietnamese acquaintance said Thursday,"Oh, you a baw humbaw!"

My sister isn't even making her awesome ham this year. We're to bring finger food.

I get what it means, but ponder that- finger food. It sounds weird and even looks weird in print.

One year I dropped by her house for Christmas, although I couldn't stay long since I had to work. They were at the cemetery. When I called she said,"Well, if you can't stay, every thing's out and ready, make your self a plate and we'll see you next time."

I ate half the ham.

She just laughed and laughed.

Warning: do not taunt African clawed bullfrog

My Favorite Christmas Song

2011-12-24T20:22:00.003-06:00

Timbuk 3 All I Want For Christmas A close second: Billy Squier Christmas Is The Time To Say I Love You Or, in a pinch Tom Waits Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis will do. Good night world wherever you are- I love you in spite of yourself.

Saturday's Situation

2011-12-24T06:00:00.000-06:00

My boys look so much like me I feel sorry for them until I see how much better than me they also look- then I get jealous.

"How" first came out as "ho".

Recently I did a kinda big kind thing for somebody that was unexpected by the other person and selfless on my part. Yesterday, I did a mid range good deed that will likewise go unrewarded.

I'm getting soft in my old age.

Overheard at work,"If another patient corrects me on something and says,"Mr. Kevin said do it this way or don't do it like that." Or, if they say, Can Kevin see me? Kevin is my nurse. I'm gonna scream."

I do well on my own- reasonably so anyway and obviously enough so, that others often comment on that fact. However, I'm much better off with somebody good to and for me. It's good for me to be able to say, She makes me want to be a better man. It's one of those weird ironies in life, where a positive thing probably conceals a defect (or vice versa?).

If I saw Lewis Black in a live show, I think he'd make too nervous to enjoy it- at all.

Nine minutes: the length of time from start to finish it took to complete this post.

Last convoy out of Iraq- aerial view from Predator.

Friday's Dispatch

2011-12-23T06:00:00.003-06:00

A very good article on death and dying- How Doctors Die. With their knowledge, relative wealth and access, it may not be what you'd imagine. An interesting, loosely associated thought: when they have the surprise heart attack though- you have never seen a code until you've seen one on a physician. A nursing friend recounted seeing one that involved 19 people ( I think 9 physicians). When it was over- two hours later he said, "The trash from the drugs and supplies was knee deep around the bed."

"It was very good and very sticky!" Zac's response when I asked how dinner was this evening.

When I see someone swab gravy or grease off a plate with bread it nauseates me.

Tonight, there were two separate couples sitting at different tables. All four were hugely fat. Their bellies blobbed up over the edge of the tables. Two were sitting right behind me. I never saw them exchange a single word when I got up for refills, nor did I hear the closer pair say a word to each other the entire time. They just shovelled food in their mouths, made moaning noises and licked their fingers.

Recently I met a man from Syria who had worked for years for the US Army in Iraq. It was hilarious to hear him using perfect GI slang. We laughed and talked like we'd known each other for years.

Salespeople- ones who can transition from one product to another unrelated one and do well intrigue and impress me.

I watched a video once looking for something to put up here to express the soldier life for those who might not understand. The video surprised me by taking me to a young guy from my old unit who was on a subsequent deployment. The first thing I thought about was the first time he had to kill somebody during his first deployment and my heart broke again for him.

Lulz- The Price Is Right

Raising Zachary

2011-12-22T06:00:00.000-06:00

Bubba is going to go into the Army.

Yes he is baby. I'm going to be happy for him and so proud of him.

Bubba is going to go into the Army and be a soldier and have a gun and shoot people with it.

Uh, well sometimes soldiers do have to do that.

I'm going to go into the Army.

I'll be happy for you and proud of you.

I'm going into the Army and be a soldier except I'm going to have a bow and arrow to shoot people with and have a knife.

I began to tense up on I'm going into the Army and my response maker stopped responding somewhere after bow...

Triviality

2011-12-20T06:00:00.001-06:00

Levi Hutchins of Concord, New Hampshire, invented the first alarm clock in 1787. It only rang at 4 A.M. because that’s what time he got up.

Monday's Missives

2011-12-19T06:00:00.001-06:00

Hey Now... Amanda Tapping

I asked my sister and two other people recently about an old friend. They knew him, but were not friends- I asked since they live in the area where I last knew him to be still and may have learned something by osmosis about what he's doing. Today, I got a text he's looking for me- and none of the people I asked had contact with him. He just had me on his mind also. I called and spent over an hour catching up. Interestingly, he's married to a woman I knew him to be crazy about at least 20 years ago. They've been together for 13 years. Their paths crossed often through the years, but they never spent much time together. We stopped once at a store in another town. When he came out he said, You'll never believe who was working in there! He prattled on about how beautiful and awesome she was for the next hour.

I've started rereading Enemy At The Gates- 2 or maybe 3 weeks after finishing it. It's mostly because I'm trying to learn and retain more about the Stalingrad battle and want the information to stick, but it's also because it's just such a good book.

It's very rare I'll drink milk past the due date. It had better be some very convincing milk to make me believe it's safe to drink and I'd better be in some kind of a milk drinking, non house leaving mood.

Tainted Love

A War Story

2011-12-15T06:00:00.001-06:00

I've talked a little about this before, but the mom of one of the guys I was downrange with was absolutely beautiful. So yes, in one crass way or another we teased him constantly about it.

Yes, I'm sorry, but even making up stories about the time we spent with her on leave.

Moms, sisters, etc. are fair game- girlfriends and wives off limits.

When we would talk to him, it was always a hit to gratuitously say, Well, your mom.

It never got old.

A new guy who had never seen SGT Smith's mom was picking up on something, but couldn't quite figure out what was going on. So, Sergeant, your mom is kinda haw... Sergeant Smith's raised eyebrow told the kid he was too new and too low of rank to go there, so he stopped himself and said, She's a uh, a pretty lady huh?

Look little brother, let me tell you what's going on. No, she's not hawt- these guys are giving me a hard time and making fun of me- they're making a fool of me really, since they know she she's not. She weighs about 500 pounds, although no one can be sure. We took her to the feed mill once to use their commercial scale, but she broke it. She lives in the garage since she can't come in or out the front door. One time she had to go to the hospital and the paramedics had to call a tow truck out to transport her. When it's time for her bath, me and my sister wheel her out onto the driveway and hose her down and scrub her with brushes.

Hose her down!? Wheel her out?!

A welder in our town built a sort of a heavy duty cart that we use to move her around. Yeah, it's not that bad. We hooked hot water up to the garage and anyway- she likes it. She waves her stumps around and laughs. We think that means she likes it anyway, since we can't understand her when she talks.

Stumps? She can't speak?

Yeah, she doesn't have legs because of the diabetes. She just waves her stumps around like flippers- it's pretty cute really. Ever since the stroke it's hard to understand her. She never could speak all that well anyway since her gums bump together. Her teeth rotted out since she got too fat to brush them...

It was a bravura performance. I wish you could have been there.

Wednesday's Digressions

2011-12-14T06:00:00.002-06:00

Dinner conversation:" Kevin, do you know that woman over there? Uh, yeah kind of. Kind of? She hasn't quit staring at you and us for the past ten or fifteen minutes. Yeah, she used to kind of have a thing for me. Kind of? Yeah. A thing? Yeah, kind of. Kevin, she is beautiful, I mean she is gorgeous. Yeah, I guess."

I think Zachary and I will go swimming tonight.

Somebody who has been in the news for something terrible that happened has been taken in by my church and helped with needs to put their life back together. I like being a part of that. I like even more that a big thing hasn't been made of it- there was as I recall, an open request to contribute, a prayer and one update.

I think my bike riding days are over. The last time I circled the block my lower back was in such bad shape afterward I just nearly couldn't get my shoes off and my knee felt like it was on fire.

Whaaaa!

Queenadreena Live- Oysters and Pretty Like Drugs

Tuesday

2011-12-13T06:00:00.001-06:00

Zac and I went to CiCi's tonight. A man came in with a service dog. I thought the dog was going to lose his mind smelling the food.

Don't worry Mr. Golden Retriever- you weren't missing much.

"Is this still Kevin's number??"- a recent text from a woman whom I bet I haven't spoken to in a year.

Something that will get your attention every time: As I stood in front of the mirror early Friday morning I raised my hands over my head for a good old fashioned stretch and saw a visible mass under my left arm that is a little smaller than a tennis ball cut in half. It's probably nothing, but I have felt like dog mess for a couple of weeks etc. so I'll get it checked out soon.

Would you lay with me in a field of stone

Crazy Comment - Another Blog

2011-12-13T06:00:00.000-06:00

"Here's something for all you racists out there. Dad drove a stock car to an early death, all I remember is a drunk mans breath, ain't livin long like this."

Monday's Missives

2011-12-12T06:00:00.002-06:00

Gerry II (AKA Sissy) the elephant who lived for years at Frank Buck Zoo in Gainesville TX. I took a friend and my mother there when I was a teenager. The friend teased the elephant acting like he had something in his hand to feed it after I fed her an apple. Before I could tell him to quit, it swatted him with it's trunk throwing him back several feet into the fence of another enclosure and covering him with elephant snot. She would later be known worldwide for surviving a flood with only her trunk above water wrapped around a tree branch. She lives now in a elephant sanctuary in Tennessee.

Something is wrong with us: Justin Bieber is a gazillionare, a household name and his videos get literally hundreds of millions of views and this guy is busking for change.

There may be more embarrassing things than taking your son out to eat and your card doesn't work, but I've never experienced it.

At worship this morning they did a special presentation for veterans. The men were asked to come up and lead us in The Pledge. Everyone was pestering me to go up. Why didn't I?

I have my own reasons for not participating in things like that, but the clincher was seeing the vignettes of member's stories on the video- _________ flew 175 combat missions over North Vietnam. _______ was a door gunner in Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos. ___________ was a an infantry officer in the Chosin Reservoir battle in the Korean War. ________ ship sank two German subs and shot down 5 aircraft...

Good grief- I was thankful I kept my seat.

Although he wasn't there, it was cool to see a friends story and pictures of his truck and team while we were downrange though.

My guess is, in the church I attend there are many fewer than the national average of obese people.

I ate some BBQ and lemon flavored chips with a sammich the other day- very good.

Your unsolicited relationship advice for the day: if you want to see what a woman you're interested in will look like in 20 years- look at her mother. If you want to know how she'll treat you- look at how she treats her brothers.

According to spellcheck- sammich is not a word. Smirch and smooch are offered as alternatives.

Isn't that odd.

Your new favorite band: The Joy Formidable- Whirring

Sunday's Summary

2011-12-11T06:00:00.001-06:00

When I opened the door earlier a ton of dead leaves blew in- along with a blast of cool air.

Awesome.

Dead Leaves And The Dirty Ground

I hardly ever have eye boogers when I awake in the morning.

So, what does hubby do? I asked a clerk innocently this morning as we chatted. Nothing, came her embarrassed reply. I do not understand people. A. Man. Works. A man does jobs he does not want to do until he finds something he can tolerate that supports his family.

Handel's Messiah played at the Weatherford College Fine Arts Center December 5. Why- yes, we have a Fine Arts Center- we're quite urbane and sophisticated up in here.

If I found out I was dying, I'd try heroin- what an aquaintence said during a conversation at work recently. Oddly, now I can say I've heard at least two people say that in my lifetime.

How it should have ended- Jaws.

A Saturday Evening Submission

2011-12-10T19:00:00.000-06:00

This morning since I was running out of shaving cream I mixed the small amount I had with some lotion to shave. It caused some kind of reaction which gave me a mild chemical burn. It was about the time my face started melting off that I remembered the same thing had happened once before when I tried that trick.

Only to me...

We're going to my eldest son's choral performance at Chandor Gardens today. Interestingly, I tried multiple times to take him when he was little. We'd go and they'd be closed. We'd go during scheduled hours and they'd be closed for renovations. I didn't know there was a fee for admission (or forgot my wallet etc)...

Update: the choral performance was great. I was so proud of my son. I forgot the battery to my camera so all I have are the memories in my mind. Maybe that's a lesson.

The gardens are beautiful- really it's more than shocking it fell into ruinous disrepair at one point.

I have never had a cold sore.

My wife thinks your dead

Saturday's Situation

2011-12-10T06:00:00.001-06:00

You'd never guess who I keep thinking about. I say to my little sister. Who? she says. Chopper! (a favorite boyhood dog) I reply. Then, I wake up disoriented and in a panic, thrashing around in the bed unable to breathe.

The lamest recurring nightmare in history.

The guys at the shop where I take my cars are great. I'm going to send them some pizzas or something.

The stray cat has come back around. I let it in for a minute now and then. When people are around they inevitably comment on how vocal it is. That's the most talkative cat I've ever seen...

The shows Grimm and Terra Nova are still OK- not great.

If they are good at it and have been doing it any time at all, people who work as wait staff in restaurants are almost always sharp witted and very intuitive.

I am not loved by as many people as I love in this world and I'm satisfied with that.

Staind Not Again

Friday's Dispatch

2011-12-09T06:00:00.001-06:00

"Tiberius Gracchus first makes a mark on history winning the golden crown from General Scipio Aemilianus by being first over the wall at the victorious Battle of Carthage. Back in Rome, now the capital of the world, he finds the growing gap between rich and poor threatening the foundations of the republic." Aha- that's what caused the fall of Rome and what will also be our downfall! Yes, that or that's what people will want believe that about every society.

Recently on a sitcom a character said to the effect, "It's a flintlock rifle. To load it you place it in the half-cock position and place a percussion cap over the nipple..." A flintlock doesn't use a percussion cap- it uses flint for spark.

Aerialist: the occupation of a recent patient.

This morning I was out of the shower, shaved and half dressed by the time I'm normally maybe just getting in the shower.

I don't know what will be for breakfast, but it will be something bad. Yesterday, I tried to be healthier and eat watermelon. It was tasteless and left me unsatisfied for hours. I felt like I was starving.

I Can Feel You All Around Me

Thursday's Thoughts

2011-12-08T06:00:00.001-06:00

Zachary saw Santa last night at our church building. Parents dropped off presents with the children's names and food early then we brought the kids back. We ate and they sang carols. Later Santa walked in carrying sacks of presents. It was pretty great.

For the first time in a while I don't have a book going and that bothers me.

There's some controversy over US Army medevacs in Afghanistan being unarmed and the use of the red cross. The cross needs to come off for multiple reasons, but mostly yes- so they can be armed. I read a statement regarding this issue where the thrust was, German troops targeted the red cross in WWII and we still haven't learned our lesson... There were enough abuses all around in that war, but US medics early in the war reported moving on hot battlefields with impunity- the Germans simply would not engage them. This all changed with multiple outrageous murders of German medics by American troops.

Death Valley- A reality TV film crew follows UTF (Undead Task Force) as they take out zombies, werewolves and vampires that have infested the San Fernando Valley. The entire first season can be found at the link.

How English people sound to Americans.

A Nursing Story

2011-12-07T18:19:00.003-06:00

The clinic where I work has an associated Class D pharmacy. That means within certain parameters, nurses issue meds. There is a relatively narrow scope and relatively tight controls, but yes- nurses refill prescriptions without a pharmacist on site.

Recently, a patient came in and told the front desk girls he was issued an empty bottle of medicine and presented as proof an empty bottle with the refill date of his last visit.

Unfortunately for him- the universe brought him back to me- the same nurse who issued the bottle of meds.

As soon as she showed me the bottle I remembered him and our exact conversation.

I have a ridiculously good memory. Really- as in, when you challenge my recall of events not only I, but any bystanders who know me, will automatically assume you have an agenda the rest of us should be wary of.

As bothersome to me as people who doubt how crazy good my memory can be are those people who think I'm as dumb as they are.

Anyway.

He had requested an extra bottle of medicine just days before since he was planning a trip to Mexico. We only issue one month of medicine at a time since side effects and adverse reactions generally develop slowly and can be caught before things go way south if we check on them at least once a month. I gave him the meds and he more or less changed his story reporting he may or may not be gone all that long anyway.

I consulted a nursing buddy. Correctly she said,"Well, it's your word against his- you can't refuse the medicine, but you don't have to count it toward his treatment either. I said,I know you're right, But. He's. Getting. Some. Blood. Drawn. Does he have labs ordered? she asked. No, I replied, but he's gonna remember the old, bald, gringo nurse after today!

When I went out to the lobby and called him the color drained from his face. When he walked into my office he stopped in his tracks and backed up when he saw all the lab supplies lying out on the table set up for the draw. He backed up and sat in the chair furthest away from the draw chair.

For a while he glanced at me nervously while we waited for my translator. I looked as cool and impassive as possible. When she came in I said, We'll, since Mr. _______ thinks I would issue him an empty bottle of medicine, we have quite a bit of ground to cover... and I flat, busted out laughing- I could not contain myself. His face turned red and his eyes did not come off the floor.

Busted.

Wednesday's Digressions

2011-12-07T06:00:00.002-06:00

Recently during a phone call my daughter said,"Daddy are you going to be home so I can come see you?" In the background I could hear Zac say,"If you're going to see my daddy- I'm going to see my daddy. Zaaaac- hush, stop it! I'm talking to daddy on the phone. she said. I don't care- If you're going to see my daddy, I'm going to see my daddy."

We walked to go out and eat and hung out a little. They rode the scooter around and were good to each other. A very nice, simple time.

I was never any better than when I did construction work or soldiering. A character on a tv show I watched once said to the effect, What happened to the time when a man built cities- just to burn them down?

He may even hate his music, but if a guy knows anything at all about guitar, he knows Prince is one of the best living guitar players. I'd heard that before and recently read it again after some magazine shafted him in a top 100 list. My guess is it's probably true, but it still seems weird for some reason.

I woke up with Foo Fighters song Monkey wrench in my head and I have no idea why.

How 300 should have ended.

Yes-

2011-12-06T10:00:00.000-06:00

that would be my carbon fiber clad bike with candle wax dripping from its frame. Thank you for bringing up hurtful memories.

A Famous Texan

2011-12-06T06:00:00.000-06:00

Born Robert Osbourne Denver January 9, 1935 he was best known and loved for the title role of Gilligan on Gilligans Island. He was raised in Brownwood Texas where he graduated high school. Died September 2, 2005 of throat cancer.

Handel's Messiah...

2011-12-05T20:52:00.003-06:00

Zac and I just got in from seeing Handel's Messiah. It. Was. Pretty. Great.

Dad, there's two girls with violins, one boy with a violin and one girl with a shello.

I kept praying one particular lady in the choir would step out front for the last chorus...

The center seats 500 people. There might have been 20 empty seats.

While warming up, the first violin kept playing I think Turkey In The Straw to make the second giggle.

My German instructor Germany was named Herr Handel. I know we asked, but for the life of me I can't remember if he was related.

It's been over 200 years since that oratorio was composed and interestingly, tonight's performance was as much as Handel intended as has ever been performed- a small orchestra and choir with the performance itself being as grand as it was simple.

Good night world- wherever you are.

Soli Deo Gloria

Monday's Missives

2011-12-05T06:00:00.003-06:00

I know it's ridiculously anthropomorphic, but I see this little guy having a self deprecating sense of humor and being a totally good sport.

A dark thirty war story: We're motoring through a village on a road with higher ground on one side and buildings lining the other- cover and concealment for everyone, except us. I'm already fuming over the stupidity of the mission. I can see older teens and younger adults hanging back out of the light- I just catch glimpses here and there. Suddenly I hear a loud pwang against my gunners shield and then multiple impacts of something against the body of the truck. Seeing red I say, "Them !$*#@ are throwing rocks at us. Somebody is about to get straight up murdered. Stop. The. Truck." I command. I throw the door open, my finger already on the trigger and thumb wrapped around the safety of my weapon. From up and to my left I hear my gunner call out,"No, no, no, noooo, sergeant- Kev, Kev, Kev- hey, it's candy! It's candy- not rocks! Just cannnnnndy!"

Only in Weatherford Texas or only happening to me- the waitress at my breakfast place sat across from me when I was through eating and ate the French toast I didn't touch and chatted with me.

Freedom toast.

Ray Kurzweill believes it only a matter of time (as in easily in our lifetimes) before AI is developed that is smarter than humans.

Sometimes I'm afraid that's not saying much.

When I hear Mitt Romney's name, I automatically see SNLs Jason Sudeikis in character and can't recall for the life of me what Romney actually looks like.

Nearly heaven: front row of SNL, Alec Baldwin hosts and Foo Fighters and Elton John are the musical guests.

It doesn't get much better than this- The Story of Riki Oh

Sunday's Summary

2011-12-04T06:00:00.003-06:00

Something I probably shouldn't tell on myself, but I will. Although I hadn't been taking any in a while my back was bothering me so bad recently I took a muscle relaxer. After about 2 hours I passed by the medicine cabinet and thought, Man, my back is bothering me- I think I'll take a muscle relaxer. As soon as it hit bottom in my stomach I remembered taking the first and thought uh- oh. I ran and took care of some errands before my idiotic overdose plowed me under. About the time I got back to the house I felt like I'd been soaked in glue. The phone would ring and all I could do was lie there in it's glow and watch it vibrate around. I slept for 12 hours.

"Oh my gosh- they're all 50!?" What Zac said in front of the drink case at a convenience store this morning.

We went to Soldier Spring Park yesterday morning. It's a city park in Weatherford that was used by Confederate soldiers for reunions after the war. It eventually became a dump and was used as such until the 70s. Lots and lots of trash still there- the spring has never come back.

Humans are retarded.

I dropped my eldest son off at work earlier.

Weird.

James Mollison Where Children Sleep.

Saturday's Situation

2011-12-03T06:00:00.004-06:00

On NPR the other night I heard a statistic I hadn't thought much about, but intuitively knew to be true- black people in America hardly ever kill themselves. I promise you- if you have ever counted many black people as friends, think about it and see if you've ever even heard of one (or one of their family members) suiciding- then do the same with whites you know (or even know of).

My children's great grandfather killed himself by cutting his jugular vein with a pocket knife. During a hospital stay, he was diagnosed with cancer. He asked to be left a pocket knife and whet stone. The whet stone for sharpening the knife, For something to do and the knife itself, To clean my nails with. Sometime the next morning he did the deed. I've often wondered if there's some retired, old crochety nurse sitting in a nursing home who thinks often of walking into his room after he killed himself. When a persons jugular is severed, it can take minutes for them to die- they will bleed nearly completely out before they expire. I mean really- what a bloody mess that must have been.

Someone I was formerly involved with and with whom I still have some contact, now likes multiple things that when we were together it irritated her to no end that I liked them.

Women.

My daughter wants to either play the drums or guitar when she's old enough for band.

The Sound Of Winter

Must be your skin I'm sinking in...

Critical Thoughts About War

2011-12-02T15:00:00.002-06:00

"For example, one graphic and disturbing image sums up the violence that is always at the heart of war. Titled “American Soldier showing a severed Iraqi arm hung in a mosque to terrorize the Iraqi resistance”, it portrays a gloating American youth in fatigues flaunting his prize. The spoils of the hunt, his gruesome human arm, was hung against the wall of a house of worship like a rancid slab of meat." from Thomas Paines Corner

My thoughts, which are not the limit of problems related to the above post: "Gloating", I'm tempted to concede that, but I'm not a mind reader- are you? That body part was not hung from a wall- for any reason. It's not inside. He's a Marine, not a soldier. " ...violence that is always at the heart of war." War- violent, who would have guessed? It may or may not be a mosque. If that guy had placed that arm there as a "prize" to "terrorize" you would not have read about it here first, nor would I have read about it first on that blog- it would have been pervasive and there would have been criminal charges.

The truth is, that is a body lying on an awning above a door entrance after I'm sure being blown up there and there's no way of knowing if that Marine or any other American warfighter had anything to do with said bodies early expiration. It very easily could have been a suicide bomber who killed himself.

Friday's Dispatch

2011-12-02T06:00:00.001-06:00

I don't get annoyed a lot, but if I wake up early and forget to turn my alarm off it annoys me when it goes off.

Jedi mind trick: if I'm in a setting where there's a lot of different personalities and the treatment of people in the setting seems to be driven by same I might hint at something I dislike to certain people- something that doesn't bother me at all. For that thing I know every catchy comeback and slam in the world- when they decide to try and embarrass me with it.

At a homeless shelter I work at sometimes doing screenings a woman came in with water splashed on her face and tears running out of her eyes. It became apparent why when she passed by- she'd been pepper sprayed.

Thank you God, genetics and luck.

I have a bad habit of not drinking enough water at work.

50 Secrets Nurses Won't Tell You- the cover title to an article in Readers Digest. I haven't read it yet.

On candystripe legs the spiderman comes softly through the shadow of the evening sun.

Thursday's Thoughts

2011-12-01T06:00:00.001-06:00

I'm surprised I still haven't seen Tati's Mon Oncle.

Very unusual: recently I let someone get under my skin at work.

Oddly, very important mail often gets returned as undeliverable- yet the junk mail has no trouble whatsover getting in my mail box with the same address.

The USPS- what an anacronism.

I haven't heard anyone in the news or talk radio mention how the Euro Zone meltdown is happening essentially exactly like detractors said it would- before the Union even became a reality.

Mediate. Alleviate. Try not to hate

Wednesday's Digressions

2011-11-30T06:00:00.002-06:00

There she was like double cherry pie. Yeah, there she was like- Disco Super Fly.

So your old scout platoon in the Army could be pretty wild huh Kevin? How wild could it get? The platoon sergeants wife chasing him with an ax handle in the parking lot of a club after everybody met there coming out of the field kind of wild. Everybody in the platoon started laughing at her- this enraged her even more. She then tore into the guys and doled out a knot or two and a few bruises before being disarmed.

A recent patient in my office was gray as a battleship, his nose looked like WC Fields, he trembled, his liver is failing and he spoke in word salad- signs of advanced alcoholism. He's 32 years old.

Chevelle Jars

Just Tuesday

2011-11-29T06:00:00.003-06:00

I know it seems odd now, but Victorian era people would commonly have a photographer take pictures of dead family members (especially children) and would often pose them with living parents and siblings.

JACK FM is a great radio station. Their motto is something like, Playing whatever the bleep we want. They play everything from the 60s to today- I don't know how they pull it off, but they rarely get it wrong.

I like having Mexican girlfriends and friend-girls. There are different reasons, but not the least of which is how great it is to see their eyes catch fire, their hand go their hip, the other pointing at me and hear them say,"Keh fan" followed by a string of Spanglish when they're mad at me.

The night before her Marine husband was to be buried she refused to leave his side.

Pardon me, my allergies must be acting up.

Crazy Toad

2011-11-29T06:00:00.001-06:00

This guy jumped up on to the widowsill and backed under that piece of driftwood and stayed there all day. Funny, interesting creatures that are extremely beneficial to man.

Monday's Missives

2011-11-28T06:00:00.001-06:00

B52s Dance This Mess Around

Mr Dodge truck who honked at me when I pulled out in front of you tonight: Uh, yeah- about that, when you're travelling easily twice the speed limit around a blind corner you're going to get that now and then. People will pull out in front of you since you essentially weren't there when they felt they could commit to their turn.

The beans from Taco Cabana are great- some of the best I've had in my life.

Zac and I saw Puss In Boots at the Weatherford College Fine Arts Theater this past Sunday. He loved it- especially the audience participation.

A patient who had been referred to the public health department where I work told his private physician a ridiculous lie, causing me and other nurses in the food chain to have to deal with said physician today- how odd.

I used to get pressure fairly often to go to med school from friends, family and yes, physicians. I'm happy being a nurse and the only time I have a tinge of regret is when I interact with a physician whom I know I could step up and do way better than right now- not after years of school and training, and it does happen.

Pre Sunday Afternoon Nap Thoughts

2011-11-27T12:40:00.007-06:00

Zac and I got up early and had pancakes and grilled chicken. He drank chocolate milk. I drank too much coffee. Now that I've quit grinding my teeth, I'm seriously thinking a nap would be pretty awesome.

I thought the church building where I attend was built in the late 1800s. When I walked around the corner this morning though I noticed the cornerstone read either 1900 or 1910. It was hard to tell- the inscription was so eroded. That's nice- that sense of historical perspective- an inscription chiseled in marble and in a relatively short time it will be unreadable.

Regardless, everybody associated with the construction of that building is long gone.

The Bible class I attend is usually great. There's always a lengthy, heartfelt prayer list which is good. Even better is the tears sometimes shed talking about those in need. Maybe better still is the tears people wipe from their eyes laughing about different things. Maybe better yet even is we never start on time and the room buzzes with people getting caught up from the last week.

I had to get up and move around this morning and couldn't stay in class and ended up in the auditorium sitting up in the balcony. There was a class for older adults in progress on the ground floor. I couldn't see anyone, but the teacher had a very pleasant sounding voice and was saying a lot of things I needed to hear. It was nice to listen to that disembodied voice and think and pray alone.

It's obvious, I'm sure that stained glass artisans any time in the past would have known their work would would be marvelled at for a long time since man has been admiring their work for hundreds and hundreds of years, however I always wonder, what did the man making them expect of his work- of himself? Did he imagine people being awed? It hasn't been that long since the glass was made in the building I was in this morning- who did that work? Could I find out if I wanted?

Church buildings should have stained glass.

I opened a Bible this morning and the first passage I came to had a list of people going to Hell.

My first thought: well, at least I'm not a sorcerer.

Sunday's Summary

2011-11-27T06:00:00.004-06:00

I'm thankful I live in a country where goobs could still do this if they wanted, but nearly all of us choose not to and likewise, nearly all of us would believe it wrong (and oddly comical).

Recently I heard Michele Bachmann after mispronouncing Iranian President Ahmedenijad's name make - an I promise you, patently false claim that he had said to the effect, he'd destroy Israel if he had The Bomb. He may very well want that- but he's never said it. He may be crazy as an outhouse rat, but he's not that dumb.

Another crazy thing I heard in the 5 minutes of sound bites I listened to: Perry or Romney one saying he'd draw down forces in Afghanistan to 10 or 15 thousand. That is crazy. We either need to get completely out of there or double our commitment. A severe draw down would inevitably result in a much higher rate of casualties.

Those people are about the electable best the GOP can do?

Someone invited me to do something with them for Thanksgiving out of sympathy. That really bothered me.

A friend in the most genuine (if pathetic) invitation I've ever had, invited me to have lunch with her at the restaurant she works at.

I'm allergic to cats., but cool ones are among my favorite animals

"Kickin' it with the bb gun shootin' rednecks!" The last text message I received.

Don't ask me- I didn't ask him.

I just can't look it's killing me- a cover of The Killers Mr. Brighstside on violin and piano.

Crazy Comment Another Blog

2011-11-27T06:00:00.001-06:00

"Palin is the brightest and sharpest Republican and is at the top of the heap! With Limbaugh being head of the GOP and telling the Republicans in Congress what to think and do, and Brains Palin with him, looks like the Republicans will just be unstoppable. The Republicans will rule the world with their iron fists of law. If Palin would just divorce Todd, and marry Rush, it was just be plain "happily ever after" in Right-Wingism. But Rush's Viagra habit would become a lot more expensive than it is even now when he goes to places to have (child?) sex at those exotic places."

Saturday's Situation

2011-11-26T06:00:00.003-06:00

A picture that someone who swears they love me sent from Colorado- to torture me

I really don't know where to start on all the grammatical errors in this article on Woody Allen's son. Really, it's pretty bad.

Someone mentioned recently in an E mail remodelling their house, another mentioned they were back to work. Now, I'm inundated with ads for home improvement centers and chiropractors.

Ridiculous.

All things being equal, I assure you, the care you receive from a DO will be much more satisfying than an MD.

Why'd you have to go and let it die?

Friday's Dispatch

2011-11-25T06:00:00.002-06:00

Zac and I started watching the series The Adventures of The Swiss Family Robinson on HULU last night in bed. I remember when it first came out in '98, but never saw it. I zonked out after about 30 minutes or a little more. I awoke three hours later- well into the fourth episode. Zac, are you awake? I whispered. Yes, I'm watching this show...

We took big brother to catch his ride to Tarleton so his pre Army training group could do some halftime show and meet an area soldier who was wounded in Afghanistan. Knowing the guy was wounded in the right hand by an AK round he said,"I guess in the Army you can't shake hands with your left?" Knowing the opposite was true, we looked him up. He was also wounded in the left hand by shrapnel.

That must have been one bad day in Wardak Province. Hey, there's the title to his story: A Bad Day In Wardak.

The other day I took a cup of solid ice out of the freezer that hours before I'd intended to allow to chill there for 10 or 15 minutes then drink. I let it melt a little, then poured water in the cup to have ice water. It may have been my imagination, but it tasted salty- I wonder if salt precipitates out of ice, but we never notice since the volume of water is normally larger in a glass of ice water with the normal amount of ice in cubed form?

Zac brought a Bible to me last night and asked me to read it to him.

The word on the street has it Zombieland is going to become a television series. I'm predicting terrible.

Men In Black

Thursday's Thoughts

2011-11-24T06:00:00.003-06:00

Zac: " What superhero starts with "P" and can you draw him for me?" Uh, yeah- let me get right on scarring you for life by drawing the Punisher for ya!

Recently, I saw a Silver Alert for a missing elderly person. From the drivers license picture it was obvious he had advanced Parkinson's Disease. Somebody- multiple people in fact must have known and must have known for a while, that gentleman had no business driving.

Today someone tried to get me involved in a imbroglio of a brew ha ha that would probably have ended a marriage if I would have divulged the information that was asked of me. I declined and in fact told one of about 2 lies I've told in the past 20 years of my life.

It better be worth it.

Ha! Yeah, I know- the guilty parties will find out I didn't squeal and find a way to blame me.

And they'll both also find a way to hate me.

People: AmIright?

Q: Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey for the first Thanksgiving? A: Because they couldn't fit the moose into the oven.

Lulz

Woodstock 99

Wednesday's Digressions

2011-11-23T06:00:00.002-06:00

Man, what a good song- Letters To Cleo Here And Now The EDGE has been playing some good music this morning.

Had to leave the breakfast place this morning without eating. Some dude was screaming and cursing his children. He needs to forgive the ex for whatever he thinks she did to him and get back on whatever product he's trying to quit- then everything will be OK.

I'm kidding- he's going to kill every one of them in their sleep and then go their moms place of work and blow her away.

A woman who has no fashion sense doesn't have to worry about spending too much time with me. It doesn't matter what her main style is as long as she can pull it off, but no open toe shoes with hose, no sandals with socks, outdated hairstyles, sweats outside the house or tube tops etc.

We're going fishing this afternoon. We haven't cooked any of the fish we've caught yet, but that's on my list.

I need to find another dry cleaner, the one I used for years closed. The one I used prior ruined a brand new shirt I took to them. It was literally new- as in I'd never even worn it and had only tried it on after opening the package. I only took it to them since it was a wrinkled mess from being folded up in the package. When I picked it up it was stained, torn and had a button missing. There was a note attached that said they received it that way.

Really.

War Pron

2011-11-22T06:00:00.002-06:00

Interesting video of a BILL missile striking a tank- video description is inaccurate. Same engagement from a different angle

Monday's Missives

2011-11-21T06:00:00.003-06:00

My favorite song for most of 20 years now. It puts me in a good mood like no other song and is one of the few songs that I not only know every word- I sing along every time hear it.

We saw a flock of turkeys (about 16) at Sunshine Lake this morning. We've seen flocks with as many as 3o birds in the past.

A funny basic training flashback: after marching to the chow hall the platoon would call out in unison: Platoon guide, what's the order of chow? What is the order of chow? the platoon guide (another trainee with the responsibility of accounting for the rest of us goofs) would respond with, The order of chow is, 1,2,3,4, or 2,3,4,1 etc.- alternating by squads each day. We would all reply in unison and loudly, Drill Sergeant, the order of chow is 1,2,3,4. The order of chow is 1,2,3,4. Then for about ten seconds everybody would call out, Wooooooooooooooooooo and after building to a crescendo abruptly stop. Then, we'd call out, Door- maaaaaaaaaaaan. During the last part the last man in the last file would run to the front of the line and hold the door open and the drill instructor would call out, Enter! and we'd all file in.

Funny.

Maybe you had to be there.

People Scares Me

2011-11-20T06:00:00.001-06:00

Actual search criteria used by your (I'm not claiming them) fellow humans and the corresponding number of pages returned.

• 883,000,000: Why do I have no friends.

• 7,570,000: Why do I have diarrhea.

• 4,170,000: Why do I have so much discharge.

• 7,120,000: Why do I have to pee so much.

• 230,000,000: Why do I have gas or so much gas.

• 456,000: Why do men have nipples.

• 6,000,000: Why men don't call.

• 8,380,000: Why men lie.

• 4,980,000: I want a new drug.

• 114,000,000: I want a wife.

• 783,000: I have one testicle.

• 21,900,000: I have one more drink.

• 12,400,000: I have three breasts.

• 320,000: I have three testicles.

• 1,580,000: I have three girlfriends.

• 42,300: Why Luke Skywalker is an idiot.

• 1,610,000: I would like to buy a hamburger.

• 286,000: I would like to extend you an invitation to the pants party.

• 818,000: I think im pregnant.

• 442,000: I hate Indiana Jones 4.

from geekologie

Just Saturday

2011-11-19T06:00:00.002-06:00

I've been having the lamest dreams- shaving my head, paying bills, sleeping...

As interesting as the ISS may be, when it crosses my mind I always think- the Earth after solving all her other problems decides to put a 100 billion dollar gerbil habitat into low Earth orbit.

The second e in interesting continues to elude me on the first try.

The Cordon Bleu sammich from Denny's is pretty OK.

Unless it is eating, the corey cat shoves it's head into the same corner of the log it hides under in the aquarium- in the same exact position every time and doesn't move an inch.

It seems rare to me to find a woman who likes milk. If true, is it a reaction to people pushing them to drink it from an early age?

I have never bought anything off E-Bay.

An Army buddy bought a remote control airplane off E Bay for the opening bid of 99 cents. We started it up and watched it slam into the side of the barracks and come apart in 4 or 5 pieces.

...I can't feel anything, but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.

Friday's Dispatch

2011-11-18T06:00:00.002-06:00

The All Terrain Caucasian reminded me recently of something I've always believed- how very important it is to learn how to read well and enjoy it.

Stupid Girl

Zac's bike got too little for him very rapidly.

I already know that as he gets a little older I'll most likely become a foster parent again, even if I have to do it alone.

That, or find a younger, fertile hottie to make more babies with.

Unlikely.

Abraham Lincoln as the the true Father Of Our Country is probably my favorite President. Really- were it not for him our country could just as likely still be a crazy North/South divided series of nations.

And I mean that literally the way I wrote it: not just North and South, but maybe several different nations separated/divided by the Mason Dixon line.

Roosevelt's son, Teddy Jr. is definitely one of my favorite historical characters. He was the only General officer to land on D-Day. Much is sometimes made of the fact he had arthritis and the same is often written to be related to earlier injuries in WWI. This is well and good, but the truth I think here is more powerful. The debilitating nature of his arthritis and the fact he died at a relatively young age of a heart attack shortly after the invasion tell me he must have had very severe rheumatoid arthritis, from a very early age (maybe since birth) and every single step he took in WWII must have been pure agony.

"Do you want power over something? Be more nearly real than it." Charles Hoy Fort

Wednesday's Digressions

2011-11-16T06:00:00.002-06:00

When I meet someone from Iraq in my clinic I very rarely mention to them I've been there- the world is just too small... However, I broke that rule today and mentioned to someone a village I used to patrol when I realised he had lived near there. His father was the mayor of that town.

Do women like it when you notice they've lost weight or not?

It seems to me a high compliment when friends want to fix you up with someone they know.

I've gained a little weight- some of my pants no longer fit even- however, I don't look all that bad. Oddly, the thing that really bothers me is my ear lobes have gotten fat.

It's weirding me out.

In another life I had a pretty nice house. It really meant a lot to me the first time I had my whole extended family there for a big Christmas. Me being me instead of the usual Christmas standards I grilled steaks and chicken fajitas. The kids rode a four wheeler around the house. I had Christmas music playing and It's A Wonderful Life on the tv with the volume down and a fire in the fireplace. I hope they haven't forgotten that day.

I know I never will.

One of these days the sky is gonna break and everything is going to escape and I'll know.

A New Quote I Intend To Enhearten Myself With

2011-11-15T06:00:00.000-06:00

"No one is more cherished in this world than someone who lightens the burden of another." ~ Anonymous

Monday's Missives

2011-11-14T06:00:00.001-06:00

I don't want to sound too curmudgeon-ie, but if I have to be told something is art- it's not. While not a completely original thought to me- it sums my outlook up pretty well.

We're about to go to Ci Ci's.

Oddly, I use contractions more in my writing than my daily speech.

I make it a point to learn something from and about each of my patients on each of their visits.

Jedi mind trick: when I see people in the waiting room I recognize, but may not remember their name I slip over to the sign in log, get their name and walk through the room and stop and say,"Hey, ______, how are you? etc. I do this especially with patients I suspect may become non compliant, who seem agitated about the wait or whom I have genuinely hit it off with in the past, but haven't seen in a while.

One of Zac's nicknames means something very derogatory in another English speaking country. I'm not even sure how it evolved with us and I'm equally sure I've never heard the term before.

If I were to be diagnosed with a serious disease and the treatment was especially difficult or the odds of survival long- I'd bow out and die gracefully.

How did we get here, when I used to know you so well?

Goodnight Doyle Bramhall Sr.

2011-11-13T19:16:00.002-06:00

You died today in Alpine Texas. Life By The Drop